Venting I need to do it

[FailureToAll]

I really need to ctb today. My family come back from holiday and I want to be gone. I'm in a lot of debt and I received a letter saying they're going to send someone to the house. I can't let my family find out. I've already been in debt once and they helped me out. They can't know I threw it all away. And for no good reason. I impulsively spend and spend just to try and fill the void. I make mistake after mistake. But I'm scared I can't do it. I'm going to try partial hang but I've failed that multiple times before. I don't feel ready yet. But I have to be. I think I've posted a similar vent before. I'm so pathetic. I wish I would just get it over with.