I need to CTB... but I have a baby

[botanist_dude]

What the title says. For information, my baby is a 10 month old boy

I recently had a very nice conversation on the chat area and most (if not all) told me that whatever is going on in my life, shouldn't be enough to leave a baby alone. But I still wanted to take tha conversation here. The whole thing goes like this:

1. I am employed. But I make very little money
2. I have loans, credits overdue and other debts that are unpayable at this point
3. Because of #2, collectors annoy my family, friends, collegues... literally everyone gets visits in their homes, phone calls, etc. Most of them alredy hate me (with good reason)
4. My father is a very old man and he is quite dissapointed at me, because of my financial failure. He has a heart condition and if he starts to get also annoyed by collectors, I would be afraid for his life. His heart could hot handle the stress caused by me. I mean, having some big dude striking at your door at 1 am is not a good thing, specially if you're a 80 year old male with a heart condition and probable cancer (recent news, he's fine but he's getting treatment)
5. My wife and me are quite apart. We live together for the sake of the baby, but she doesn't really care about me (hence she's so down in this list). She's a great mother, but my death wouldn't really affect her other than money availability. We come from a very conservative background so women don't work. She will never work, like NEVER.
6. Because of 5, my wife is 100% dependent on me. If I die, she'll have a very tough time caring for the baby. Fortunately, we have a big family and I'm sure they'll help, but ultimately it would be her alone with our baby.
7. And finally, I'm possible the absolute worst male model for my baby. Only a rapist or ped0 would be worse. I'm sure he'll be better by having no male role model, or just hope that my wife will marry a better man. Which honestly, will be quite easy compared to me

For these reasons, I decided that CTB is the best way to tackle this issue. I live in a third world country where people die every day of very violent stuff. My death would be just one in a bunch so I wouldn't expect any investigation and if I'm careful, my family will be able to collect the money from insuranc. It is more than enough to pay for every debt and to start over for at least a year.

What do you think?

 

[evannave]

Easy answer, don't.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

Exactly what @Ephemeron said. You have a responsibility now. You brought someone (your child) into existence without his consent and it's not his fault that you r in a bad condition. You should try everything to improve and to grant a good childhood to your child! It's your responsibility!

 

[Ephemeron]

Exactly what @Ephemeron said. You have a responsibility now. You brought someone (your child) into existence without his consent and it's not his fault that you r in a bad condition. You should try everything to improve and to grant a good childhood to you child! It's your responsibility!

I actually deleted my post as I thought I came across as a bit pissed. But if you have a fucking baby, you MADE THAT CHOICE. It has been only 10 months, and thoughts of CTB couldn't only have started occurring now. You splooged into a woman and now you have responsibilities for another life. Give them the best life possible, man. PLEASE. Don't be a piece of shit.

 

[botanist_dude]

I actually deleted my post as I thought I came across as a bit pissed. But if you have a fucking baby, you MADE THAT CHOICE. It has been only 10 months, and thoughts of CTB couldn't only have started occurring now. You splooged into a woman and now you have responsibilities for another life. Give them the best life possible, man. PLEASE. Don't be a piece of shit.

Dont' worry man, sound as pissed as you want. I can take it. Complete and full honesty is why I'm here in the first place

I actually deleted my post as I thought I came across as a bit pissed. But if you have a fucking baby, you MADE THAT CHOICE. It has been only 10 months, and thoughts of CTB couldn't only have started occurring now. You splooged into a woman and now you have responsibilities for another life. Give them the best life possible, man. PLEASE. Don't be a piece of shit.

Forgot to add more stuff lol.
You are right that I need to give him the best possible life. And that could be attainable with my death. I could have 3 jobs and it wouldn't be enough. I would even sell a fucking organ if I could (if you know about that... by all means tell me)

Exactly what @Ephemeron said. You have a responsibility now. You brought someone (your child) into existence without his consent and it's not his fault that you r in a bad condition. You should try everything to improve and to grant a good childhood to your child! It's your responsibility!

I agree!
but precisely about granting him a good childhood is why I want to die. I'm just such a big failure, he doesn't deserve to have a dad who is just a big freaking loser with no money. If I die, my wife could remarry to a better man who could be a better father and role model. That is my reasoning

Exactly what @Ephemeron said. You have a responsibility now. You brought someone (your child) into existence without his consent and it's not his fault that you r in a bad condition. You should try everything to improve and to grant a good childhood to your child! It's your responsibility!

I agree!
but precisely about granting him a good childhood is why I want to die. I'm just such a big failure, he doesn't deserve to have a dad who is just a big freaking loser with no money. If I die, my wife could remarry to a better man who could be a better father and role model. That is my reasoning

 

[iloverachel]

Very tough situation you are in, I am sorry
I am not sure if dying would be the best solution to grant your baby a good childhood. Even if insurance is collected, and your wife gets more money to raise the baby, i think being there for your baby physically and spending time with them is just as important.
I personally have a few friends whose father abandoned them at a young age, and it all impacted them in a very bad way growing up without a father figure.

Just my opinion, not trying to guilt trip you or anything, just some things i hope you consider before making a final, importance choice.

Best of luck my friend

 

[Ephemeron]

Because of 5, my wife is 100% dependent on me. If I die, she'll have a very tough time caring for the baby. Fortunately, we have a big family and I'm sure they'll help, but ultimately it would be her alone with our baby.

You are right that I need to give him the best possible life. And that could be attainable with my death. I could have 3 jobs and it wouldn't be enough. I would even sell a fucking organ if I could (if you know about that... by all means tell me)

How would your death give your baby a better life? Really? Do you have some sort of massive death insurance or something? Live your life for your child. Please don't abandon them. Dedicate everything to them. Love them with all your heart.

 

[willitpass]

While I don't know your full circumstances, I can't think of anyone whose parent died when they were an infant and they were happy about it. Unless you've committed unspeakable crimes or are abusing your child, they are better off with you around. They don't get another father. As has been said, it's your obligation to this innocent baby to stay alive, work on yourself, get your life D together as you possibly can, and raise him. Be the best father you can be. Give him the best life you are able to. He will be a hell of a lot happier to have grown up with a father trying his best than to never have even known one.

 

[silence ends]

If you know your not getting better its wise to leave the child early and dont wait till baby has grown into kid or even teen.
Anyway you got lot of things to consider.
My father tried to ctb when i was 1 year old and failed.
Now, 34 years later, knowing and understanding things i wish he would have succeeded back then.
Growing up as a boy with incapable father didnt really do good for me. There's always 'if's' but i dont feel shame speculate if my father would have succeeded ctb what kind of different possibilities that would have made for grow up only with mom or mom finding new man.
Eventually my dad succeeded ctb few years back at age of ~60, leaving xxxxx e debts behind him, luckily in my country relatives wont have to pay for dead relatives debts so me and my sister dodged that shit.

 

[Suicidebydeath]

You'd be surprised how bad fathers can be. I think you should stick around, for the baby and also your wife. I don't think it would be right to leave everything in her hands.

You could also bump your wife up a few notches in responsibility priority, she has chosen to stay with you after all. I think you should try to take care of her too.

I wish I had a kid :(

 

[botanist_dude]

If you know your not getting better its wise to leave the child early and dont wait till baby has grown into kid or even teen.
Anyway you got lot of things to consider.
My father tried to ctb when i was 1 year old and failed.
Now, 34 years later, knowing and understanding things i wish he would have succeeded back then.
Growing up as a boy with incapable father didnt really do good for me. There's always 'if's' but i dont feel shame speculate if my father would have succeeded ctb what kind of different possibilities that would have made for grow up only with mom or mom finding new man.
Eventually my dad succeeded ctb few years back at age of ~60, leaving xxxxx e debts behind him, luckily in my country relatives wont have to pay for dead relatives debts so me and my sister dodged that shit.

You just said something I always dread "growing up with incapable father". That is my top my concern. I always think that if I die is better than my son having to see a failed man everyday.

 

[willitpass]

You just said something I always dread "growing up with incapable father". That is my top my concern. I always think that if I die is better than my son having to see a failed man everyday.

I think the majority of people who are self aware enough to know they don't want to be an incapable father are the ones most likely to take the steps to NOT be an incapable father. Self awareness is a huge key here. Know what you want to be as a father. Know what you don't want to be as a father. Dead should not be on your list of "wants" as it truly does not serve your child. Work on yourself to be the type of father he will be happy to have.

 

[silence ends]

You just said something I always dread "growing up with incapable father". That is my top my concern. I always think that if I die is better than my son having to see a failed man everyday.

I think your not failed man since you consider things like that.
My dad had mental problems and he was diagnosed bipo, retired from engigeer job at age of 30~.
I know he tried to do good too but he's deep selfishness and other mental problems made that impossible in reality. Medication etc. he started after ctb attempt messed he's head up even more.

Can you get yourself in better condition for the sake of your son?
If your self-esteem is in the level 'i'm a failed man' every day its likely your son will pick up that from hi's role model (father).

Money aint everything.
Presence and unconditional love has alot more worth than money.

Blessings. You give feels that you are really self aware and caring person.
If you choose to stay please learn to take care of yourself too, so you can take care of your family better.
Learn to manage stress, exercise enough to keep testo lvls high enough etc.
Wish you all the best and i pray your money situation gets better.

 

[botanist_dude]

While I don't know your full circumstances, I can't think of anyone whose parent died when they were an infant and they were happy about it. Unless you've committed unspeakable crimes or are abusing your child, they are better off with you around. They don't get another father. As has been said, it's your obligation to this innocent baby to stay alive, work on yourself, get your life D together as you possibly can, and raise him. Be the best father you can be. Give him the best life you are able to. He will be a hell of a lot happier to have grown up with a father trying his best than to never have even known one.

I'm afraid that instead of looking like a father who is trying, I'll look like a walking failure and that would be even worse than being dead

 

[willitpass]

I'm afraid that instead of looking like a father who is trying, I'll look like a walking failure and that would be even worse than being dead

The fact that you're so worried about becoming a bad father leads me to believe you won't be a bad father. A truly horrible father doesn't care, they do what they want. Please stay for your son. You may not believe it right now, but he needs you around.

 

[Ww42]

Im going to play devils advocate. You made a baby against its will, but you also were made against yours. It's your life to do with as you please, but your actions now come with consequences not only for yourself. Just consider those in whatever decision you make because at the end of the day, you have free will

 

[destinationlosangel]

I am just a little angry that you decided to bring a child into this world when u have all these liabilities. How could you!??

I would say that you should stay alive for the kid. Work as hard as u can and pay ur debts and take good care of that kid.

 

[UKscotty]

Fight on for the child.

 

[willitpass]

I am just a little angry that you decided to bring a child into this world when u have all these liabilities. How could you!??

There are many, many things that can happen to bring a child into this world, not all of them intentional. Let's not go around blaming people for having children, especially when you don't know the circumstances that brought them into the world. All that matters now is he takes good care of the child.

 

[destinationlosangel]

There are many, many things that can happen to bring a child into this world, not all of them intentional. Let's not go around blaming people for having children, especially when you don't know the circumstances that brought them into the world. All that matters now is he takes good care of the child.

I was talking about how if he had all these debts and liabilities, why wouldn't he have thought about all of this before deciding to have the kid. He said he's from a conservative background? So it wasn't a one night stand that led to a pregnancy situation i'm sure

 

[willitpass]

I was talking about how if he had all these debts and liabilities, why wouldn't he have thought about all of this before deciding to have the kid. He said he's from a conservative background? So it wasn't a one night stand that led to a pregnancy situation i'm sure

You don't know the situations, it could be a lot more complicated than it appears from one post. That is not your place to question any how. And it doesn't do anything about the fact that the child is here now. It's no use questioning what brought a child who is already here, what matters is that he stays alive and works on himself to provide the best for the child. The deed has been done, whatever lead to it, now it's about giving this child a good life.

 

[Yarani]

Accusing him will not help him. It has happened, cold fact. Need to look forward now.

@willitpass spoke my mind, more eloquently than I could, like usual <3

 

[destinationlosangel]

You don't know the situations, it could be a lot more complicated than it appears from one post. That is not your place to question any how. And it doesn't do anything about the fact that the child is here now. It's no use questioning what brought a child who is already here, what matters is that he stays alive and works on himself to provide the best for the child. The deed has been done, whatever lead to it, now it's about giving this child a good life.

Yes. He's gotta stay alive for the kid

 

[Aprilfarewell4]

There's a lot of lives I'm leaving behind. I don't think anybody should be condemning this person. Their choice, nothing else matters in reality. If they can't take it, for whatever reasons, they shouldn't be held here under guilt or pressure.

 

[jar-baby]

If I die, my wife could remarry to a better man who could be a better father and role model. That is my reasoning

Practically speaking, do you think the odds of this happening are high? Or do you think being widowed and having a child from another man might hurt her chances at remarriage? I hope I don't sound crass here—I only ask because you mentioned your culture is conservative (so conservative that women don't work, which sounds pretty conservative). This does sound like a tough situation to be in and I'm sorry for that.

 

[Volatha]

I don't think you should feel guilty whatever you choose. Responsibility is a social construct. A dead person is free of all debts, moral and monetary.

 

[Hotsackage]

I have a niece, so I kind of relate. Family doesn't deserve it, even tho I'm incredibly screwed

 

[Myforevercharlie]

As a fellow parent I say , you put a child into this world they are your responsibility at least until they're an adult and can take care of itself.

There are many ways to avoid getting pregnant even in a 3th world country.

I'm sorry you're struggling, but a little one can't take care of it's self. It's up to you and your wife.

 

[Linda]

What the title says. For information, my baby is a 10 month old boy

I recently had a very nice conversation on the chat area and most (if not all) told me that whatever is going on in my life, shouldn't be enough to leave a baby alone. But I still wanted to take tha conversation here. The whole thing goes like this:

1. I am employed. But I make very little money
2. I have loans, credits overdue and other debts that are unpayable at this point
3. Because of #2, collectors annoy my family, friends, collegues... literally everyone gets visits in their homes, phone calls, etc. Most of them alredy hate me (with good reason)
4. My father is a very old man and he is quite dissapointed at me, because of my financial failure. He has a heart condition and if he starts to get also annoyed by collectors, I would be afraid for his life. His heart could hot handle the stress caused by me. I mean, having some big dude striking at your door at 1 am is not a good thing, specially if you're a 80 year old male with a heart condition and probable cancer (recent news, he's fine but he's getting treatment)
5. My wife and me are quite apart. We live together for the sake of the baby, but she doesn't really care about me (hence she's so down in this list). She's a great mother, but my death wouldn't really affect her other than money availability. We come from a very conservative background so women don't work. She will never work, like NEVER.
6. Because of 5, my wife is 100% dependent on me. If I die, she'll have a very tough time caring for the baby. Fortunately, we have a big family and I'm sure they'll help, but ultimately it would be her alone with our baby.
7. And finally, I'm possible the absolute worst male model for my baby. Only a rapist or ped0 would be worse. I'm sure he'll be better by having no male role model, or just hope that my wife will marry a better man. Which honestly, will be quite easy compared to me

For these reasons, I decided that CTB is the best way to tackle this issue. I live in a third world country where people die every day of very violent stuff. My death would be just one in a bunch so I wouldn't expect any investigation and if I'm careful, my family will be able to collect the money from insuranc. It is more than enough to pay for every debt and to start over for at least a year.

What do you think?

This is very difficult. Basically, you are asking people here to make a decision that only you can make. I can see both sides of this, so I am not going to express any opinion. You know and understand the issues. You have to make the decision.

 

[botanist_dude]

Practically speaking, do you think the odds of this happening are high? Or do you think being widowed and having a child from another man might hurt her chances at remarriage? I hope I don't sound crass here—I only ask because you mentioned your culture is conservative (so conservative that women don't work, which sounds pretty conservative). This does sound like a tough situation to be in and I'm sorry for that.

We are conservative, but marrying after becoming a widow is ok, no problems there. She's a very pretty woman, I don't think she would have any issues remarrying. Besdies, I'm such a big failure that literaly almost any man in this country would be a better husband/dad