Help I need an escape plan!

[Worndown]

Sounds like he needs the hospitalization

 

[Cookiedough8956]

This is so nerve wrecking :(
I will stay calm most definately... Just hard cause of my anxiety ..fuck..
And my sweating and stumbling of words.

At this point ..even a late text is gonna result in another threat :(

I hate this. :(

 

[Jc40]

These posts are great, it sounds like there is a way out. And even if you did have a anxiety attack I think having police at your door is anxiety provoking. Try and stay as calm as possible. They'll go to your house, would your folks back up with what he's saying.
It really does sound like you won't need to go in. You can do this!

 

[Cookiedough8956]

These posts are great, it sounds like there is a way out. And even if you did have a anxiety attack I think having police at your door is anxiety provoking. Try and stay as calm as possible. They'll go to your house, would your folks back up with what he's saying.
It really does sound like you won't need to go in. You can do this!

My family is gonna be shocked as hell amd so confused lol.
Thats another thing... My moms gonna later have a fit at me :/ and if he sends cops to my workplace! Thats like triple embarrassing!

 

[Worndown]

Talk to a local women's shelter. They should be able to send you the best agency to escape this.

 

[TiredHorse]

Anxiety definitely makes it harder --but you can do it. If the anxiety gets overwhelming, play it as anger: what the hell does he think he's doing, messing with you like this!? I suspect the cops would understand that. And if it comes right down to it, admit to the cops that you have anxiety: that's not anything they'll pull you in for, and they can put two and two together and see a manipulative boyfriend messing with his anxiety-prone girlfriend. He will very quickly become the villain of the piece.

And once he has played this card, he can't play it again. The police keep records on people like him, and file them under "harrassment."

We're cheering for you, Cookiedough!

 

[Cookiedough8956]

Talk to a local women's shelter. They should be able to send you the best agency to escape this.

I think that'd add more trouble tbh :/ plus i already live with fam..

 

[Jc40]

My family is gonna be shocked as hell amd so confused lol.
Thats another thing... My moms gonna later have a fit at me :/ and if he sends cops to my workplace! Thats like triple embarrassing!

Will be embarrassing but hopefully it will be over quick. Seriously think about ending it because that's not the behaviour you want in a bf.
They will be shocked probably and your mum might be like "what now, here we go" so you'll have to deal with put downs from your mum. I'm sorry it's crap what your bf is putting you through.
Tired Horse is so right, they can't pull you in for anxiety, so many people are anxious these days.

 

[Worndown]

I think that'd add more trouble tbh :/ plus i already live with fam..

Your family or his?

 

[Cookiedough8956]

Anxiety definitely makes it harder --but you can do it. If the anxiety gets overwhelming, play it as anger: what the hell does he think he's doing, messing with you like this!? I suspect the cops would understand that. And if it comes right down to it, admit to the cops that you have anxiety: that's not anything they'll pull you in for, and they can put two and two together and see a manipulative boyfriend messing with his anxiety-prone girlfriend. He will very quickly become the villain of the piece.

And once he has played this card, he can't play it again. The police keep records on people like him, and file them under "harrassment."

We're cheering for you, Cookiedough!

Thanks a lot for that advice!! You're right on that.
It sucks that i have to make him the villain :( but at the same time hes not letting me have any type of freedom regarding this. I understand hes worried and cares but it's liek whatever i say doesnt matter!
Eveything i say becomes a- "ill call the cops"
I dont get it also hes seen my meltdowns so many times. He should almost get used to it :P. (As fucked as that sounds heh)

Thanks for the support :). And eveyone too!!

Your family or his?

mine

Will be embarrassing but hopefully it will be over quick. Seriously think about ending it because that's not the behaviour you want in a bf.
They will be shocked probably and your mum might be like "what now, here we go" so you'll have to deal with put downs from your mum. I'm sorry it's crap what your bf is putting you through.
Tired Horse is so right, they can't pull you in for anxiety, so many people are anxious these days.

Im jusy a little worried if they are like...nah ...lets just take you still. (Cause idk what the hell my bf will say he has a way of exaggerating eveything!)
I do love him tho :/ but its soo restrictive what hes doing
And if i leave- hes gonna be in such a mess amd prob CTB amd id feel so horrible :( wouldnt be able to live with myself

 

[Jc40]

Why don't you say he's suicidal, he's having problems? He doesn't have the power, totally remember that.

Thanks a lot for that advice!! You're right on that.
It sucks that i have to make him the villain :( but at the same time hes not letting me have any type of freedom regarding this. I understand hes worried and cares but it's liek whatever i say doesnt matter!
Eveything i say becomes a- "ill call the cops"
I dont get it also hes seen my meltdowns so many times. He should almost get used to it :P. (As fucked as that sounds heh)

Thanks for the support :). And eveyone too!!

mine

Im jusy a little worried if they are like...nah ...lets just take you still. (Cause idk what the hell my bf will say he has a way of exaggerating eveything!)
I do love him tho :/ but its soo restrictive what hes doing
And if i leave- hes gonna be in such a mess amd prob CTB amd id feel so horrible :( wouldnt be able to live with myself

 

[Cookiedough8956]

I don't wanna put him in that place :(.. Hes gonna be so mad...
I canr help but feel powerless.
He KNOWS i have severe anxiety amd makes threats like this over and over again
Even after i told him
Pls stop bc it doesnt help at all!

 

[Jc40]

You can suggest to the police that he makes threats against you, that he plays the suicide card (which is awful). Going to have to do something.

 

[Cookiedough8956]

You can suggest to the police that he makes threats against you, that he plays the suicide card (which is awful). Going to have to do something.

I blame myself for blurting it out :(
I really shouldnt have..idk wtf comes over me..
If he continues this awful behavior ..im just gonna have to.

 

[Jc40]

Make a comprise with him, say you'll do your best, see someone like he wants, say you won't do anything. But he's got to stop acting like he is.

 

[Jessica-]

I blame myself for blurting it out :(
I really shouldnt have..idk wtf comes over me..
If he continues this awful behavior ..im just gonna have to.

Best to record any future threats made by him if you want the police to take you seriously. Otherwise, they are unlikely to do anything.

 

[Worndown]

I understand

 

[Cookiedough8956]

Make a comprise with him, say you'll do your best, see someone like he wants, say you won't do anything. But he's got to stop acting like he is.

He won't . he just doesnt listen. Theres no such thing as compromise whrn hes made up his mind

Best to record any future threats made by him if you want the police to take you seriously. Otherwise, they are unlikely to do anything.

That's a fact! Esp in my city!
I have the texts...
Jusy dont wanna do that to him..thats the last thing i want

I just want him to understand :( and not force a hospital stay against my will for evrything i say!

 

[Jc40]

He won't . he just doesnt listen. Theres no such thing as compromise whrn hes made up his mind

That's a fact! Esp in my city!
I have the texts...
Jusy dont wanna do that to him..thats the last thing i want

I just want him to understand :( and not force a hospital stay against my will for evrything i say!

He can't force you to hospital, he doesn't have the power. Think TiredHorse stated that.

 

[Worndown]

He won't . he just doesnt listen. Theres no such thing as compromise whrn hes made up his mind

That's a fact! Esp in my city!
I have the texts...
Jusy dont wanna do that to him..thats the last thing i want

I just want him to understand :( and not force a hospital stay against my will for evrything i say!

Chat?

 

[Cookiedough8956]

He can't force you to hospital, he doesn't have the power. Think TiredHorse stated that.

Just the what ifs ..:/
Its so funny too bc i actually didnt even mention CTB tonighr at all to him!

 

[Worndown]

Phone was slow...yes to chat

 

[Psilo]

I didn't read all the post, but it seems like harassment to me, these situations are scary I know, I've been there once. My folks threaten me too on several occasions to turn myself in hospital. Its not good, get out of this, but do it smart, you've got plenty of wise advise on here.

Wish you all the best Cookie, get out of this as best as you can.

 

[Cookiedough8956]

I didn't read all the post, but it seems like harassment to me, these situations are scary I know, I've been there once. My folks threaten me too on several occasions to turn myself in hospital. Its not good, get out of this, but do it smart, you've got plenty of wise advise on here.

Wish you all the best Cookie, get out of this as best as you can.

Thanks a lot! I will
My first choice is trying to avoid this at all costs. This whole conflict.

But seeing hes stubborn as hell...
I have to have a plan B.
Just dreadimg it :(

 

[TiredHorse]

I realize this thread tapered out while I was asleep, but I just wanted to add a couple things:

1) In your texts, do not ever mention even a passing desire to CTB. You don't want your bf using them against you. You probably already know that, though.

2) What he's doing is abusive. If nothing else, it is the height of hypocracy to threaten you with his own suicide and then demand you seek hospitalization. I cannot recommend strongly enough that you extricate yourself from that relationship. He is damaging an already fragile soul (you!), and making you miserable and anxious.

Who knows? Divesting yourself of an abusive lover may make CTB look a lot less attractive to you. Stranger things have happened...

 

[Cookiedough8956]

I realize this thread tapered out while I was asleep, but I just wanted to add a couple things:

1) In your texts, do not ever mention even a passing desire to CTB. You don't want your bf using them against you. You probably already know that, though.

2) What he's doing is abusive. If nothing else, it is the height of hypocracy to threaten you with his own suicide and then demand you seek hospitalization. I cannot recommend strongly enough that you extricate yourself from that relationship. He is damaging an already fragile soul (you!), and making you miserable and anxious.

Who knows? Divesting yourself of an abusive lover may make CTB look a lot less attractive to you. Stranger things have happened...

I'm so scared of being alone- that's the problem with me : (.
I just stay stuck.

I keep telling him over and over the threatening doesn't work- but as always "he knows best".

I haven't mentioned anything by text lately, just phone calls or when we see each other.

Thanks a lot for the advice! I'm def keeping them in mind. I'm trying to avoid him as much as possible today. Which hes catching on somewhat already..

 

[TiredHorse]

I'm glad to hear you're avoiding leaving an evidence trail. That's definitely for the best.

If "he knows best," why isn't he, who threatens you with his own retributional suicide (that's pretty sick, btw), seeking hospitalization for himself? You could always tell him to lead by example...

Yes, I understand your fear of being alone. My marriage of 24 years collapsed horrifically, and the loneliness since has been devastating despite knowing that some of the things she did at the end were unquestionably abusive. A close friend --who used to be my ex's closest friend and mentor and has since severed all communications with her-- described my ex's treatment of me as "emotional terrorism." And yet I still miss her, as she was before everything went to hell. There is sorrow in solitude, even if there is greater health. And there's a reason so many of us stay stuck.

But having said that, please just keep in the back of your mind that I am appalled by your bf's hypocracy and manipulation. If you continue to try and avoid him today, and do the same or a bit more tomorrow, and avoid him more yet the next day until you are no longer seeing him, I will be relieved for you.

Best of luck, @Cookiedough8956.

 

[Cookiedough8956]

I'm glad to hear you're avoiding leaving an evidence trail. That's definitely for the best.

If "he knows best," why isn't he, who threatens you with his own retributional suicide (that's pretty sick, btw), seeking hospitalization for himself? You could always tell him to lead by example...

Yes, I understand your fear of being alone. My marriage of 24 years collapsed horrifically, and the loneliness since has been devastating despite knowing that some of the things she did at the end were unquestionably abusive. A close friend --who used to be my ex's closest friend and mentor and has since severed all communications with her-- described my ex's treatment of me as "emotional terrorism." And yet I still miss her, as she was before everything went to hell. There is sorrow in solitude, even if there is greater health. And there's a reason so many of us stay stuck.

But having said that, please just keep in the back of your mind that I am appalled by your bf's hypocracy and manipulation. If you continue to try and avoid him today, and do the same or a bit more tomorrow, and avoid him more yet the next day until you are no longer seeing him, I will be relieved for you.

Best of luck, @Cookiedough8956.

The messed up part of all this, is that he has been hospitalized and he absolutely hated it! So why would he put me in there?? I just don't understand! I swear if he had the ability to shrink me and put me in a glass jar- he'd do it in a heartbeat.

Omg, I'm so sorry to hear that : ( That sounds horrible... I hope you do eventually get better. I feel so hypocritcal heh. I'm the one to NEVER leave. He could be beating me senseless everyday and I still won't leave (just to clarify- he does NOT do that..I ws just giving an ex)

I wish I can say that distancing like that would work..but he sense any little thing he threatens suicide or does something to make me feel guilty.

Thanks a lot for the support and advice : ), means a lot!

 

[TiredHorse]

I suspect he wants you to be hospitalized under the philosophy of "misery loves company." It may also be a "merit badge" for him: a point of pride that he endured something awful, and now he wants to strengthen his self-esteem by forcing you to endure the same and having you validate his experience. Or it could just be a power trip. Whatever it is, his use of that leverage against someone he ostensibly loves --threatening to inflict something he knows from personal experience is abhorrant-- is utterly immoral.

If you're going to let him slowly slide out of your life, you need to think long-term: months, not days. It'll be a matter of cutting back contact hour by hour. Large jumps in progress can happen, but they need to be something like going on a vacation with your family, so that he gets used to a week without you, then not picking the relationship up to the same degree when you return.

I don't envy you your predicament, but I certainly do sympathize with you.

 

[Weeping Garbage Can]

I'm so so sorry you have to deal with this, my lovely Ms. CookieDough.

As commentators have said above, your boyfriend is being very manipulative and I strongly recommend you distance yourself.

If you're going to let him slowly slide out of your life, you need to think long-term: months, not days. It'll be a matter of cutting back contact hour by hour. Large jumps in progress can happen, but they need to be something like going on a vacation with your family, so that he gets used to a week without you, then not picking the relationship up to the same degree when you return.

I recommend this, if it's possible. And I strongly agree with the other commenters, if the police come I think it would be best for you to let them know that your boyfriend is manipulating you, and making you feel guilty for leaving.

You can suggest to the police that he makes threats against you, that he plays the suicide card (which is awful). Going to have to do something.

I think you'll need to mention this if your boyfriend doesn't stop with his threats. He isn't respecting you and although you would feel guilty for making him be the villain, which I'm saddened that your huge heart is being used in such a way to cause more self pain, letting him have his way isn't going to help anyone.

It's super shitty you're stuck in this situation, I wish I could help you more. I'm here if you need to talk or vent more about this or anything else. We support you

I wish you all the best, embraces you in the most peaceful, strong, loving hug possible