i might actually try to live again

[OutOfTheVoid]

i wanted to ctb by overdosing on my favorite drugs. i decided weeks ago, well before i found this site, that i would od. i'd only taken relatively lower risks with drugs, but i kept taking bigger risks, and i wanted to go all the way and take all my favorite pills. but all the replies to my last thread convinced me not to. idk if im able to access a better method, or if i'd even be willing or would want to use a different method. overdose was the first method i decided on a few years ago and the first and only method ive attempted with. its always been my ideal way to go

guess i just gotta live longer, at least until i figure out another way to go
ironic thing is that im probably going to live longer because i joined here, and i joined bc of a youtuber who (to paraphrase) said this site "convinces you to kill yourself". it technically convinced me to live longer, actually! (or, at least, to postpone dying for the time being)

 

[missingpeace]

I saw your thread previously, it'll probably be a good idea to research your drugs abit more to know what could possibly happen and if you are going to get the outcome you want. It'll save you more suffering in the long run..

 

[OutOfTheVoid]

also i say all this bc ive only been 'living' these past few weeks under the assumption that i will die soon. having to postpone any serious attempt to ctb, i might have to start living for real again. i havent even been eating much these past couple days bc why do something that keeps me alive when im trying to die? but idk if i want to starve myself either, ive heard thats a slow and painful way to go too, and i dont think i'd be able to ctb from it anyway, if its too slow someone could intervene. dunno what im gonna do, tbh. but i'll probably end up living longer than i'd planned regardless of my efforts, and im not happy abt that. but im not gonna be sad about it either. for now, i dont care

 

[jodes2]

It's unlikely you can od on random pills.

 

[OutOfTheVoid]

It's unlikely you can od on random pills.

wdym? i have a lot of pills. they arent "random pills" either. i love my pills, and i kno a lot about all of them. i know which ones can be lethal on their own in od, and which combinations can be lethal. if i took all the pills i have, i would definitely ctb. it would prolly be painful and miserable and terrifying, but i would be gone at the end of it. i just dont want that kind of pain or fear, thats what im trying to escape after all

 

[Faejin]

Not like there's any rush. Chill a bit, go to a party, get onto a no fly list, the fun stuff.

We may actually have joined due to the same video which is quite funny as his video basically worked as amazing advertising.

 

[FuneralCry]

Overdosing, if successful really sounds like such a horrible way to leave this world to me, I would rather the dying process be over quickly, than be a slow, painful death. But anyway I wish you the best in whatever happens going forward.

 

[Kobusu]

I'm glad you've found some solace and reason to continue on being here! Also, I noticed too that once I joined and got "scientific" about these things in a sense, I lived longer because like hell I'm going to spend my last hours in agony from overdose or bleeding out in the middle of nowhere.

also i say all this bc ive only been 'living' these past few weeks under the assumption that i will die soon. having to postpone any serious attempt to ctb, i might have to start living for real again. i havent even been eating much these past couple days bc why do something that keeps me alive when im trying to die? but idk if i want to starve myself either, ive heard thats a slow and painful way to go too, and i dont think i'd be able to ctb from it anyway, if its too slow someone could intervene. dunno what im gonna do, tbh. but i'll probably end up living longer than i'd planned regardless of my efforts, and im not happy abt that. but im not gonna be sad about it either. for now, i dont care

Also wanted to reply to this that it takes time to get back into the groove of things, that's normal. When my date passed while I was in the ward (jumped the gun and got caught), I noticed that for a good hour, time essentially froze. It all felt unreal and ethereal. I was only able to eat because we had to! When I got home it took a while to start wanting to eat again, to start wanting anything at all. Hell, I'm still processing that I'm still alive to this day. Go at your own pace friend, it gets easier with time!