I keep delaying it because of Xanax, I don't know why

[android]

Five meters away from me, I have sodium nitrite and metoclopramicide sitting on my kitchen table. It's been three weeks.

I don't understand why I haven't done it yet.

I'm really scared I'll take the SN, then regret it, and call for help and run into my apartment building's corridor asking for help. What can be done to protect this when living in a city? Even in a hotel, there are people to save you.

I guess I could go to an Airbnb in a rural area, but even then, I am worried that my parents (who live in a foreign country and call me every day) would think I'm going to kill myself and try to stop me. I've never gone on solo trips before, so they would find it weird.

I was unable to get aloprazm (xanax). I worry that I won't be able to end it comfortably without xanax.

Can anyone ease my worries..?

 

[absolutethistime]

If you are worried I would suggest not doing it. It is highly likely your prediction will come true and even if not I would not want you to suffer and be terrified in your last moments as the SN starts to take effect, especially since sometimes people report uncomfortable symptoms.

 

[android]

If you are worried I would suggest not doing it. It is highly likely your prediction will come true and even if not I would not want you to suffer and be terrified in your last moments as the SN starts to take effect, especially since sometimes people report uncomfortable symptoms.

Should I look into the inert gas method? I have unlimited funds to dedicate to suicide.

I'm not sure I should care about my last moments, as long as I die. Why do people want their last moments to be glorious? I just want to die and not give up mid-way, lol.

 

[pelicanportal]

I'm not sure I should care about my last moments, as long as I die.

The problem, and it is one I worry I have too, is you will use your last moments to undo your suicide method so you don't die.