i just want to vent

[strawberrymoonbeam]

i'm recovering from being extremely suicidal around february and i've done a lot of therapy since then and made a lot of progress.

the last couple days i've just been struggling with it again. i know i'm slipping back into thought patterns that are harmful for me and those around me. people i really care for! but the thoughts don't stop just because i have people who care about me.

i feel like a sack of blood and bones and meat, i don't feel like a real person. it's a very "going through the motions" kinda feeling, and everything just feels meaningless. and i'm hearing that voice that keeps telling me i'm a bad person and i don't matter and i don't deserve food or fun or whatever. they're intrusive thoughts i used to have all the time. it's gotten better, but they're back and even though it's only been a couple days it's already affecting people i care about.

i wish i could just be depressed in a vacuum and not have it worry people. i know i'll be fine. i know it's temporary. god it's so hard.

ig that's all, i'm not really looking for advice but say whatever you want.

 

[takuyablackbox]

sometimes the idea of complete isolation just sounds sooo goooooood and comforting. i'm sorry that you've been struggling, tho good job on making and acknowledging the progress you've made since the beginning of the year, that's really important. i hope the rest of your week gets easierrrr hugzz ( っ˶´ ˘ `)っ