I just need to stop having false hope

[Canttakeitanymore]

One of the things that keeps me from doing it is believing if that i put the rope down the next day is somehow going to be different, that things are going to change, but things dont change, every week is the same, everyday is the same no matter how hard i try, ive done it many times, and i always regret when i put the rope down because the next day is exactly the same nightmare as always, the only way of stopping my suffering is by actually doing what i have to do, what i am meant to do since birth, suicide is my destiny, im not supposed to exist

 

[WornOutLife]

Because of hope, I'm still here. I get what you mean. Sometimes, I wish it could all be over once and for all.

Still, I think things can get better for anybody as long as they're mentally prepared.

Easier said than done, of course.

 

[Canttakeitanymore]

Because of hope, I'm still here. I get what you mean. Sometimes, I wish it could all be over once and for all.

Still, I think things can get better for anybody as long as they're mentally prepared.

Easier said than done, of course.

Things cant get better when you are a 5'3 scrawny deformed autist that sounds like a girl

 

[Lost Magic]

Yes, I do that. I think it is human nature to hope things get better despite overwhelming odds stacked against us. I think to myself, how on earth have I gotten through these incredibly difficult years. Self preservation has a lot to do with it.

 

[oversizedsweaters]

I have the same. I also had this with seeking help. Because I would always be afraid that I would feel better in like a few months (which would be perfect of course, if it really would happen) and because it takes up to 2 months in my country before you can get help (in my case), I was always doubting that maybe I didn't need it, because I would be such an idiot if I come there and there's nothing wrong with me anymore.

However, reasoning like this wasn't helpful at all, it just kept getting worse until I finally managed to set that aside and then I did seek help in the end. And I don't know how it would've went when I got help sooner of course, but I like to believe that I wouldn't be so fucked up as I am now.

But back to your topic; I get what you mean. At this point I'm like pretty sure that at some point I will kill myself. But then there's just still this little bit of hope that makes me think that maybe it really will get better. And it depends on how you look at it, but sometimes the hope just fucks me up, you know? I think that little bit of hope is the main reason that I'm still here, so in that way it's the main reason that I'm still suffering. And I don't know, it's kinda ironic, but the hope that I have thus indirectly leads to suffering

 

[Canttakeitanymore]

Im stuck in a fucking time loop

 

[death137]

Things cant get better when you are a 5'3 scrawny deformed autist that sounds like a girl

I'm 162cm (5'4) and deformed. There is no hope.

 

[Canttakeitanymore]

I'm 162cm (5'4) and deformed. There is no hope.

No girl will ever love us

 

[Trisolaris]

One of the things that keeps me from doing it is believing if that i put the rope down the next day is somehow going to be different, that things are going to change, but things dont change, every week is the same, everyday is the same no matter how hard i try, ive done it many times, and i always regret when i put the rope down because the next day is exactly the same nightmare as always, the only way of stopping my suffering is by actually doing what i have to do, what i am meant to do since birth, suicide is my destiny, im not supposed to exist

I know exactly how you feel. Same here.

 

[luten]

hope is a vision for your future, it is good, but you have to make it happen, otherwise today will just be a repeat of yesterday. Unfortunately, in this world you have to make things happen, things don't come to you. I have the same problem, everyone does, that is why I am going to do a lot of hands-on work in the coming weeks.

 

[death137]

No girl will ever love us

There are girls who care little about appearance but they are very few that its better not to feel hopeful.

 

[Canttakeitanymore]

hope is a vision for your future, it is good, but you have to make it happen, otherwise today will just be a repeat of yesterday. Unfortunately, in this world you have to make things happen, things don't come to you. I have the same problem, everyone does, that is why I am going to do a lot of hands-on work in the coming weeks.

Theres nothing i can do to change being a small boned 5'3 deformed autistic midget that sounds like a girl