I just don’t want to be here anymore

[Quickthrowaway108]

I'm posting because I just to say how I actually feel somewhere.

All I want to do is end my life. I feel like I can't face anything anymore. I feel so anxious all the fucking time. I spend so much time every day thinking about self harm and suicide.

I feel unloveable. I feel not good enough. I feel like I should've died instead of my mum. I just don't want to fucking be here anymore and I feel so fucking angry that I am. One minute I'm crying and the next I'm furious.

I feel like partial suspension is the how I'd do it. I've tried it out a bunch of times. Sometimes I can tell it's working and stop it before I faint. Other times I can't get it to work and it makes me so fucking mad because I don't know what the fuck I'm doing wrong. Any tips appreciated.

I just feel so done. I'm tired of dreading every day and feeling fucking scared and anxious all the time. I don't want to be here or face anything of this shit anymore.

 

[one4all]

Finding that sweet spot is a PITA. I've seen other posts where one time they find it and another they can't.
Have you checked out any of the Resource pages here?

Also you can search the forums for tips and ideas for your method of choice.

 

[SuicideBoys93]

Just know you don't have to feel alone, I've noticed alot of people on this site will talk if you feel like venting. It's good to just get shit out of you!

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

I feel like partial suspension is the how I'd do it. I've tried it out a bunch of times. Sometimes I can tell it's working and stop it before I faint. Other times I can't get it to work and it makes me so fucking mad because I don't know what the fuck I'm doing wrong. Any tips appreciated.

There is a hanging megathread in the resources linked in a comment above.

Perhaps partial is not the right method for you as you back out when you can tell it's working and you start to feel faint. No judgment, just that it might not be the right method, or you might not be ready to ctb. For example, if you tried SN and felt it working, would you perhaps call emergency services?

 

[saintives]

I feel you i think about it 99% of the time for years and years

 

[Oyoy]

I feel you i think about it 99% of the time for years and years

Me too. It makes me fuck up because I want immediate gratification. So I use impulsive judgement and then get deeper into depression because its embarrassing to be making choices while freaking out

 

[Indieblue]

I spend so much time every day thinking about self harm and suicide.

I just don't want to fucking be here anymore and I feel so fucking angry that I am.

I hear you. I have been also thinking about suicide for so long, i am about to celebrate 20 years anniversary.

 

[LMLN]

I'm posting because I just to say how I actually feel somewhere.

All I want to do is end my life. I feel like I can't face anything anymore. I feel so anxious all the fucking time. I spend so much time every day thinking about self harm and suicide.

I feel unloveable. I feel not good enough. I feel like I should've died instead of my mum. I just don't want to fucking be here anymore and I feel so fucking angry that I am. One minute I'm crying and the next I'm furious.

I feel like partial suspension is the how I'd do it. I've tried it out a bunch of times. Sometimes I can tell it's working and stop it before I faint. Other times I can't get it to work and it makes me so fucking mad because I don't know what the fuck I'm doing wrong. Any tips appreciated.

I just feel so done. I'm tired of dreading every day and feeling fucking scared and anxious all the time. I don't want to be here or face anything of this shit anymore.

I'm so sorry you are feeling so terrible. Unfortunately many of us here can relate. We are always here to listen. ❤

 

[AlreadyGone]

I hear you. I feel the same way every single day.