Venting Just relapsed after being fired. I just want to die.

[burdenox]

I just don't know what to do anymore. Nothing good ever fucking lasts. In one month I've drifted from my friends, had ANOTHER death to add on to the list of ghosts that haunt this house and just got fired with NO warning. (No i didn't do anything crazy. Just didn't "meet the quota" or some petty shit. Truth is that people there just didn't like me) and of course they told me right at the start of what was supposed to be my shift so I just spent £15 on commuting for fuck all. My manager pulled out the "I think you're a lovely person, you can message me at anytime" bs. So fucking fake. I wish people weren't so scared of just saying their opinions.

I'm just so tired. It doesn't get better. It doesn't get better and I'm so tired of pretending that it will. After 22 years of shit I'm convinced that my bloodline is cursed. I don't even have anyone to rant to anymore (not that I did before because it feels cruel to burden people like that) they're all either dead, don't care or are just too nice for me to scare them off like that.

So I'm back at being a disgusting fucking leech and applying for 30 jobs a day only to have none of them reply to me. (So glad I spent 3 years in uni to get a fucking bachelors of science) or I just die which seems super tempting right now, I can't lie.

Death has to be more peaceful than this, right? The only comfort I have right now is the knowledge that I always have my plan to fall back on

 

[needthebus]

I just don't know what to do anymore. Nothing good ever fucking lasts. In one month I've drifted from my friends, had ANOTHER death to add on to the list of ghosts that haunt this house and just got fired with NO warning. (No i didn't do anything crazy. Just didn't "meet the quota" or some petty shit. Truth is that people there just didn't like me) and of course they told me right at the start of what was supposed to be my shift so I just spent £15 on commuting for fuck all. My manager pulled out the "I think you're a lovely person, you can message me at anytime" bs. So fucking fake. I wish people weren't so scared of just saying their opinions.

I'm just so tired. It doesn't get better. It doesn't get better and I'm so tired of pretending that it will. After 22 years of shit I'm convinced that my bloodline is cursed. I don't even have anyone to rant to anymore (not that I did before because it feels cruel to burden people like that) they're all either dead, don't care or are just too nice for me to scare them off like that.

So I'm back at being a disgusting fucking leech and applying for 30 jobs a day only to have none of them reply to me. (So glad I spent 3 years in uni to get a fucking bachelors of science) or I just die which seems super tempting right now, I can't lie.

Death has to be more peaceful than this, right? The only comfort I have right now is the knowledge that I always have my plan to fall back on

some jobs just don't fit with certain people

i've been working a job with extremely high performance expectations and low pay and it's annoying (and have thought about leaving but enjoy my colleagues)

there are easy low-key jobs out there and you'll find something that's a better fit

usually performance quotas are based on objective data, like sales per day. If you are 22, and got fired, it's normal to let go of jobs for performance reasons and it doesn't reflect on you. It just means it's not the right job for you. If it was a sales job, perhaps try something that isn't sales? If it was a job that required extreme efficiency, find something more relaxed. People, nice people, are let go all the time for not meeting job performance requirements and it does not mean people don't like them or that they can't do some other job or that they have done something wrong. I've worked for a few cool people who were let go for not meeting job performance requirements who were great people. They probably are much happier now elsewhere and probably even make more money.

People often send out thousands of applications to hear back from 3 people and get 1 interview. It's all a numbers game with spamming as many employers as possible with your resume, even if it doesn't fit, and hoping one replies.

I'm not saying life isn't hard or awful, just that you really may end up at a better job eventually that's a better fit. I hope you feel better and find something that makes things easier and happier for you.