I just came to a depressing realization

[HappyForever?]

I just realized that I might not be able to actually go through with suicide. There are too many things holding me back. My SI is too high for me to jump off a building, my country has a very strict regulation on chemicals(can't buy SN online, can't import N even if I have the money), and I live with my parents so I don't have time to hang myself. I still have a glimmer of hope that someone will finally see through my appearance and fall in love with me, but it is rather unlikely. I may have to continue the lonely existence for decades, and suffer through the pain that will only increase as I become older and my chances become even slimmer. I will be a old man lying on his bed, looking back on a life of eternal solitude, filled with regret and sorrow.

 

[forgotihadschooltday]

I dont know how your relationship is with you parents but if you cant use CBT to relive your pain , try to talk to them . Maybe letting it of your chest may just help deal with the emotional stress.

 

[HappyForever?]

I dont know how your relationship is with you parents but if you cant use CBT to relive your pain , try to talk to them . Maybe letting it of your chest may just help deal with the emotional stress.

I've tried that. They were dismissive of my problem at first ("You are still young") , and got very annoyed later after I insisted that loneliness is bothering me a lot. Now I never talk about my problem with them.

 

[BobMorane]

You could always travel abroad and get N there ..

 

[FuneralCry]

It is depressing, the thought of living until an old age. It is my worst nightmare. I understand that it is hard to take our lives, I feel held back because of various factors, I would do anything to fall into an eternal sleep. It is like being trapped, I'm sorry you are suffering, I wish you well.

 

[CatTheBus5689]

You could always travel abroad and get N there ..

OP doesn't even have the time to hang themselves, what makes you think they have the time and the resources to travel abroad?

As for OP can't you hang yourself at night? Surely you should have plenty of time and privacy when you sleep given you don't share a room with someone.

 

[BobMorane]

OP doesn't even have the time to hang themselves, what makes you think they have the time and the resources to travel abroad?

As for OP can't you hang yourself at night? Surely you should have plenty of time and privacy when you sleep given you don't share a room with someone.

He's talking about getting older and battling existence for decades. I guess a lifetime is enough time to ctb..

 

[HappyForever?]

As for OP can't you hang yourself at night? Surely you should have plenty of time and privacy when you sleep given you don't share a room with someone.

My parents live in the house, and movements made by my unconscious body may wake them up.

 

[OnlyTheWind]

Have you considered hanging yourself somewhere else? A forest maybe? Sorry to hear that you are in this situation.

 

[WrongPlaceWrongTime]

I live with my parents so I don't have time to hang myself

Same situation. I have noted possible locations in my home, but still not willing to traumatize family with my corpse. My rough draft for a plan for now is to wait long enough to get an apartment (or maybe a motel).

 

[again_noidea]

I just realized that I might not be able to actually go through with suicide. There are too many things holding me back. My SI is too high for me to jump off a building, my country has a very strict regulation on chemicals(can't buy SN online, can't import N even if I have the money), and I live with my parents so I don't have time to hang myself. I still have a glimmer of hope that someone will finally see through my appearance and fall in love with me, but it is rather unlikely. I may have to continue the lonely existence for decades, and suffer through the pain that will only increase as I become older and my chances become even slimmer. I will be a old man lying on his bed, looking back on a life of eternal solitude, filled with regret and sorrow.

It is very painful and exhausting to life without a meaningful connection and loving connection to another human being. I wish you all the best.

 

[Dear Agony]

I've realized the same thing recently. The only thing that scares me more than any painful suicide methods + ruining my family's life is living alone, with multiple mental illnesses, in pain and agony everyday, no friends and no partner, leeching off my parents until my mom dies and I can CTB. I can't wait that long. I am also too scared that ruining my moms life has just become an excuse to mask the fact I am actually afraid of death... When I think about it objectively, no I'm not. But when it comes to the moment, I panic. So I don't know what the truth is anymore. I hope I'm wrong. God, I hope to fuck I am wrong and I'll have the courage to take my own life eventually.

 

[siray]

I've realized the same thing recently. The only thing that scares me more than any painful suicide methods + ruining my family's life is living alone, with multiple mental illnesses, in pain and agony everyday, no friends and no partner, leeching off my parents until my mom dies and I can CTB. I can't wait that long. I am also too scared that ruining my moms life has just become an excuse to mask the fact I am actually afraid of death... When I think about it objectively, no I'm not. But when it comes to the moment, I panic. So I don't know what the truth is anymore. I hope I'm wrong. God, I hope to fuck I am wrong and I'll have the courage to take my own life eventually.

Such deep sadness, to think how mother will take her son's death. I hope my mother doesn't die from a heart attack when she hears of my suicide, it kills me to think this. I also have a younger brother and sister, and it's crippling for me to think that they might deprived of a mother if my mom isn't strong enough to take the news of my death.

Leeching off of parents' support makes me feel miserable too, this is why I need to die very soon. I wish you peace in your life, surely you'll make the right decision. As for me, I can't let these thoughts prevent my CTB, otherwise I'll never be able to CTB knowing full well that my mother's life will be ruined forever, no one will be able to console her in her life of grief, having lost her son to suicide.