I have lost the last thing that used to bring me joy

[DisillusionedDragon]

Making music was always something that I could get lost in and it gave me this good feeling I don't know how to describe. Something happened at the end of last year that lasted a couple months and left me unable to play music and kinda finally broke me, I guess. I have now tried to play my (electrical) piano for a couple months now but I don't feel anything. It just makes me incredibly sad and I start to cry after a few moments and stop. I cry because music is really the only thing I enjoyed in this world, had at least some talent in and the only thing I could ever image having a career in. But I never even got any lessons. I guess I finally internalized that it's completely fruitless, like anything else in this world, and I did never and will never get anywhere with it
Now life is just unbearable suffering all day long. It feels like some part of me has died. It's so painful. Please make it stop. Every second feels like a struggle.

 

[Insomniac]

Every second feels like a struggle.

there's truly no break from the pain it's surreal.

 

[mentalhealthfighter]

there's truly no break from the pain it's surreal.

The only break is sleep, until we CTB

 

[int5]

I know how you feel, I wanted to be a composer. I was self taught and I've gotten to a pretty decent level. I wish I've gotten myself a teacher someone to help me out with my social anxiety, maybe I would be able to perform and have somewhat of a carrer. I really enjoyed composing, sadly I've let my mental illness mess me up.

 

[DisillusionedDragon]

I know how you feel, I wanted to be a composer. I was self taught and I've gotten to a pretty decent level. I wish I've gotten myself a teacher someone to help me out with my social anxiety, maybe I would be able to perform and have somewhat of a carrer. I really enjoyed composing, sadly I've let my mental illness mess me up.

Me too. I have countless files on my laptop titled "composition idea xx" but it's all for nothing. I don't have the time, energy or knowledge to ever create something nice. But I used to love it. Used to love sitting at my piano and play around.

The only break is sleep, until we CTB

Nightmares: Well, let my introduce myself

 

[int5]

Me too. I have countless files on my laptop titled "composition idea xx" but it's all for nothing. I don't have the time, energy or knowledge to ever create something nice. But I used to love it. Used to love sitting at my piano and play around.

Nightmares: Well, let my introduce myself

I know the feeling, I can compose music, sometimes it turnes into a interesting composition, have contless pages of ideas. But could not perfom in front of people and I didn't find someone more educated to help me with my compositions. I can still compose music but I don't feel the passion anymore.

 

[DisillusionedDragon]

I know the feeling, I can compose music, sometimes it turnes into a interesting composition, have contless pages of ideas. But could not perfom in front of people and I didn't find someone more educated to help me with my compositions. I can still compose music but I don't feel the passion anymore.

How would you feel about sharing your compositions online? That way you wouldn't have to perform in front of anyone.
What instrument(s) are your compositions written for, by the way? :)

 

[watchingthewheels]

You've "lost your muse". It's happened to me, as well, and I took a long break from music. It came back, after a time. Learned it was best not to force it. In the meantime, I went back to my other "muse", drawing.

 

[int5]

Maybe I will put them online, will see. They are written on a classical guitar.

Wish you all the best.

 

[FuneralCry]

I understand how you feel. Dealing with my tinnitus and ear problems took away things I once enjoyed. This life really can be cruel. It can really be a hopeless situation when we lose what once gave us comfort. I wish you well, this life can be exhausting.

 

[Pharmaruined]

Citicholine and ps100 take two a day of each.. helps incredibly with brain fog and focus, memory . Even if you're fucked up..

I'm not going to stop taking it when I run out. I don't know why I did last time .

 

[DisillusionedDragon]

You've "lost your muse". It's happened to me, as well, and I took a long break from music. It came back, after a time. Learned it was best not to force it. In the meantime, I went back to my other "muse", drawing.

Thank you for your comment. You know, I actually used to draw a little but haven't in a long time. I should try it. Just something to maybe ease the pain a little. I hope I can find the energy/motivation needed to start.

Maybe I will put them online, will see. They are written on a classical guitar.

Wish you all the best.

I'd love to hear them, if you ever decide to and want to share.

You too.

I understand how you feel. Dealing with my tinnitus and ear problems took away things I once enjoyed. This life really can be cruel. It can really be a hopeless situation when we lose what once gave us comfort. I wish you well, this life can be exhausting.

Thank you FuneralCry, I always appreciate your comments, even if they're not on a post of mine. This life truly is cruel and utterly exhausting. At this point I just hope to manage my suffering as best as I can until I can finally leave this hell.
Hugs

 

[unperson]

Making music was always something that I could get lost in and it gave me this good feeling I don't know how to describe. Something happened at the end of last year that lasted a couple months and left me unable to play music and kinda finally broke me, I guess. I have now tried to play my (electrical) piano for a couple months now but I don't feel anything. It just makes me incredibly sad and I start to cry after a few moments and stop. I cry because music is really the only thing I enjoyed in this world, had at least some talent in and the only thing I could ever image having a career in. But I never even got any lessons. I guess I finally internalized that it's completely fruitless, like anything else in this world, and I did never and will never get anywhere with it
Now life is just unbearable suffering all day long. It feels like some part of me has died. It's so painful. Please make it stop. Every second feels like a struggle.

I've had the same experience. Some people will never know just how awful it is to experience such a thing.

 

[DisillusionedDragon]

I've had the same experience. Some people will never know just how awful it is to experience such a thing.

I'm sorry, but thanks for sharing. It's good to know that someone understands.