Help i have everything to be happy why am i not

[cureforintroversion]

i am on the end of college as one of the top of the class, i have a gf, i have a loving family (even if some were distant and abusive before), i even have pets, multiple close friends AND friendgroups, i am not left out but it's like It will never get better.

I am 19, I was diagnosed with mild depression at 14 and it feels like it really never went away (infact it got worse) and I don't think it ever will, between then and now I've tried to CTB at around 16 by OD on my meds, I had 0 problems the next morning.

and ever since i was diagnosed with autism at 17, it's been even worse mentally for me, at night I cry a lot and I don't think my mom hears me even if our room are next to each others, I cry because I don't think i'll ever grow out this state of mind and I just feel really depressed.

I am at a state right now where I don't talk to anyone, at family gatherings I don't say anything, when I go out I stay silent, when I am with my girlfriend I answer her witj short phrases and never talk first.

I just feel so pathetic knowing I have the things others envy but I can't find the joy of it, I doomscroll all day and barely find joy playing the video games I was once fond of.

I am turning 20 this year and I don't think I wanna see my 30s.

 

[timf]

I joined Mensa when I was 30 and observed that most members were in their 20s and 30s and attempting to develop social skills that were neglected in high school. Since you do well in school, you may be in a similar situation.

There are people who live what might be called a reflexive life. They seem to have a natural automatic way to socialize and life appears easy for them. Then there are those who fly more on manual control. This makes social interactions more difficult because to attempt to interact with people as a result of analyzing every comment can risk making mistakes that embarrass or cause offense.

However, one can learn skills that make social navigation easier

1. Ask others sincere questions about themselves.
2. Share only short humorous stories.
3. Select a subject that the other person is interested in.
4. Do not talk much about yourself.
5. If trapped talking with someone you want to escape from, ask if you can tell them about Jesus.

There is a free pdf booklet about Aspergers (now called autism) called The Intentional Life that might be of interest;

https://christianpioneer.com/blogarchieve/an_intentional_life_2017.pdf

 

[Yugi55]

Happiness is not a checklist so what you say makes perfect sense. What matters is how your life makes you feel . The social part of living is very important. After the diagnosis which steps have you taken about it? That's just my 2 cents, all the best

 

[Kamaainakupua]

"He who catches the bus with the most toys, still caught the bus"
My depression was never about stuff, or people, nothing external. It has always been the inability to be at peace, in the moment, either because I was stuck in the past, or worried/fantasizing about the future.
"One foot in yesterday, one foot in tomorrow, you're pissing all over today."
As long as I think that things should be different from what they are, without a plan to get there, I'm miserable. When I take stock of the things, people around me, and am grateful for them, even the annoying stuff, I can find happiness, or at least contentment, in gratitude.
I get daily emails from an old friend where she lists what she's grateful for, just a few things each day. Whenever I remember to read them, they remind me that it could be worse, and that I know how not to make it so.
"Count your blessings, not your sorrows"
I am almost always the cause of my own troubles, but it can be hard to find the source, or cause, of our misery, and it's easy to blame others, which usually just makes things worse. My neighbours were blasting their music again today, and I literally have been taken to the hospital before when I couldn't deal with it, but today I just put on some headphones and played games in the Off-Topic forum. No hospital. Which is good, becsuse that last trip was a month in Amityville. What a horror show that was.
I hope you find your path to happiness, and that it gets easier for you to stay there.