Long story short - 27 years old F, graduated university late, currently studying for a government job, doing part time work as a teacher that pays terribly but enough to fund my studies while I leech off my low income parents like the POS I am.
I've decided this year is decisive. I either get somewhere stable or I kill myself because I can't handle being a burden for any longer. I'm doing my best to keep a routine and study properly, but it's honestly been a challenge as my mental health has taken a sharp decline in the past few months, with suicidal thoughts taking up a huge chunk of my day. I'm considering therapy to boost productivity & make it a real, genuine attempt to improve, but feel too ashamed to go back after I disappeared from the therapist's office.
I already have a method (SN) and money saved up for a hotel room so I don't traumatize my family by having them find me (I do feel sorry for the workers). I've already told them I have suicidal thoughts so they shouldn't be surprised. My brother called me selfish for saying such a thing to my mother but that it works in my favor because it's just easier if I'm disliked, both for them and for me.
Still, I'm making a last attempt at setting things right before I do it for sure. Is anyone here the same? What are you doing? How are you spending your (possibly) last year? How do you feel about it?
I've decided this year is decisive. I either get somewhere stable or I kill myself because I can't handle being a burden for any longer. I'm doing my best to keep a routine and study properly, but it's honestly been a challenge as my mental health has taken a sharp decline in the past few months, with suicidal thoughts taking up a huge chunk of my day. I'm considering therapy to boost productivity & make it a real, genuine attempt to improve, but feel too ashamed to go back after I disappeared from the therapist's office.
I already have a method (SN) and money saved up for a hotel room so I don't traumatize my family by having them find me (I do feel sorry for the workers). I've already told them I have suicidal thoughts so they shouldn't be surprised. My brother called me selfish for saying such a thing to my mother but that it works in my favor because it's just easier if I'm disliked, both for them and for me.
Still, I'm making a last attempt at setting things right before I do it for sure. Is anyone here the same? What are you doing? How are you spending your (possibly) last year? How do you feel about it?
