i have a big problem

[ever so lonely]

ok guys and gals i have a rather large issue here, ok so i purchased sn a while back, as i been suicidal a while, when i purchased it maybe over a month ago i am sure there was no need to supply photographic id (which i dont currently hold and i don't believe i have ever held, only have a birth certificate) i specifically remember at that time there was no id restrictions, or verification in place, or i would have remembered it, i seem to have lost or chucked my sn out by accident, i had a clear out yesterday and bin men have already been and gone, it was a 100 gram bag aswell, so was ample, problem was when i ordered it i felt a calmness come over me, and so never acted on it in the belief that it will always be there, which was comforting or be there for as long as the shelf life was anyways, now i misplaced it i am panicking because the thought of it not being an option terrifies me, fuck these people restricting our methods, i then went to place another order on the same website as i have a bit of funds available, which i have the name of still, and it then asked me to verify my age and who i am, i have only ever held a birth certificate tho, (i am 39 btw) just have no photographic proof to provide, do you get my dilemma peeps ?, i do have a rope but hanging scares the fuck out of me, sn seems far more peaceful in comparison, but the only site i knew of provided to me has now age restricted there site, i know full well that wasnt in place before, as otherwise i would never have got hold of sn before, my id situation hasnt altered, so i would know, does anybody have another source even if it is from abroad (i am in the uk and desperate), even if you have to inbox me please, i would appreciate any help with this i never thought losing access to your method would panic you like this, ps i have looked high and low for it, seemingly when i chucked my rubbish out that probably went with it as i had it in a little carrier bag type thing, to hide it and be discreet and like a fool i chucked it out with the rest of the rubbish, and like a bigger fool i made sure it was on rubbish collection day, i only realised it was gone earlier just now, and it is freaking me out, i cant think of what else could have happened but it is definately gone, and now i am stuck here