Venting I hate myself more than anything else in this world

[The Disqualified]

I realized the truth about me.
I hate myself.
The person I singlehandedly hate the most in my entire life is myself.
There is not a single person in the entire world that I hate more than myself.
I hate myself, that is the truth I didn't want to admit but I have to. I just hate myself, I just hate myself so much. I don't even realize it, or prefer not to, but it is so clear now I don't understand how I didn't see it before, I absolutely and completely hate myself.

This is why I sabotage my relationships with others.
This is why I call myself a loser and a failure.
This is why I get anxious around how others will see me.
This is why I fear I will get found out.
This is why I mask all the time.
This is why I assume others will hate me and that nothing will ever work.
This is why I am my own bully.
This is why I abuse and treat myself the way other people do.
This is why I hate my own interests, behaviors, and way of being.
This is why I judge myself so harshly.
This is why I push others away before they can get too close to me and risk hurting me.
This is why I treat myself so poorly and sabotage any attempt of improvement.
This is why I let myself rot in bed and ruin everything I do in life.
This is why I insult and debase myself constantly.
This is why I get so angry and harm myself so much.

I hate myself. I hate who I am. I hate myself the most. No one hates me as much as I hate myself. No wants me dead as much as I want.
I hate myself. I hate myself more than anything in the world. I hate myself the most.
I hate myself.

 

[tomame]

i hate myself a lot too

my race, my looks, my name, my character, my sexuality, my teeth, my hair, my height, my social class, my country .. i could go on.

it's something i learned very young.

i spend much of my time trying to get away from myself one way or another.

but i can't escape