I hate my brain because it's permanently warped

[sadidiot0328]

Hello everyone,
Ever since I was a child, I have struggled with mental illness. I was suicidal before I even knew what suicide was, I just said I didn't want be here anymore. My mom has done her very best to try and support me, but nothing works. It doesn't help that as a result of some traumatic experiences I have borderline personality disorder. My meds aren't working all that well and my emotions are so disordered. I'm 18 and my life has been a constant battle of trying to stay alive and push through. But I'm tired. I don't want to fight anymore. I just want to be at peace. "Mental illness is a lifelong struggle," then why would I want this life at all? I'd rather be dead than feel this way anymore.

 

[deleted442]

I hear you.

 

[sadidiot0328]

I hear you.

Thank you.

 

[Green Destiny]

I get where you're coming from with the whole warped definition. Growing up I suffered multiple concussions and head injuries that I know for certain has completely changed how I think and act as a person permanently. Made me extremely reliant on people to help me with everything every day. I had to be in Special Education through out most of my school life to be able to barely pass and graduate. I'm always wondering what could have been for my life if I didn't suffer so much head trauma.

 

[FuneralCry]

It's really understandable just wanting peace from all the suffering as existing here certainly is so tortuous, to me it sounds ideal being able to not exist for all eternity with this existence finally forgotten about, I could never see any point to existing anyway, I see no benefit to suffering so unnecessarily until one inevitably ceases to exist.