i feel so ungrateful.. they've been encouraging me to go back to school, they don't want good grades.. just passing is enough they say. This the more makes me want to end my life.. I don't have so much problems academically but i have a ton piles of problems socially and technically because school is about being social it affects my performance and learning too so i can't really focus and thus i deem it's useless for me... I'm so so sorry for them for having a daughter such as myself.. my loving parents they don't deserve a child like me, despite of the help and understanding i receive, i just can't do any better for myself and for them, all the more it makes me want to disappear. They say they understand me, i have no doubts about it but i don't feel understood by my environment and I'm very sorry because i subconsciously depend on exterior judgements or praises, i am rotten and I'm sorry for being like this.
I was told that if i ever decide to stop this year then it would be forever since going back again next year would likely be impossible for me since i can't even do it now, what makes me think i can do it next year, right?.. i am hopeless, useless, loathsome. I can't think of any possible solution for this than to end my life. I know no one would even pay a slight care for me aside from my parents, that's why i feel sorry for them... I have lost myself long ago to severe social anxiety and depression without even knowing i had those, and it doesn't even help a lot to be aware of it now that I've grown too old , i ain't young anymore.. I'm a young adult ready graduate my late teen year , next year,..
I don't know what will happen later, but this is all too hard.. I'm stuck between holding on for my family or letting it all go, ,but i think the latter would just be me running away but it's not too bad, is it?
I was told that if i ever decide to stop this year then it would be forever since going back again next year would likely be impossible for me since i can't even do it now, what makes me think i can do it next year, right?.. i am hopeless, useless, loathsome. I can't think of any possible solution for this than to end my life. I know no one would even pay a slight care for me aside from my parents, that's why i feel sorry for them... I have lost myself long ago to severe social anxiety and depression without even knowing i had those, and it doesn't even help a lot to be aware of it now that I've grown too old , i ain't young anymore.. I'm a young adult ready graduate my late teen year , next year,..
I don't know what will happen later, but this is all too hard.. I'm stuck between holding on for my family or letting it all go, ,but i think the latter would just be me running away but it's not too bad, is it?
