I fumbled this girl, now she has a boyfriend

[burninghill]

I'm such an idiot, I'm not even saying this in a self-pitying way but it really is all my fault.

She's so pretty. She's the cutest girl I've ever seen and I think about her all the time. I've known her since I was around 15/16 and I'm about to be 20. Over all these years, we've spoken on and off.

She's been very clear about liking me, but I'd get too scared and run off, hence the 'off' part of our relationship. I refused to commit to her for some reason and the friend group I was in (up until early this year) really disliked her and I didn't want to cause tension.
Ontop of all that, I've always been suicidal and didn't want to start dating her knowing I could kill myself.

Now she has a boyfriend and I can't stop thinking about it or about her. Shes so sweet, I love it when she tells me she's not gonna change her hair again and she does it anyway, I love when she shows me what she's painted every now and again, I love how sensitive she is, there's so much I love about her and I've never felt that way about someone before. I really messed up.

 

[tonicer]

I did something very similar. I was madly in love with a girl but with my low confidence i was never brave enough to tell her. She's now married to a guy and last time i saw her she looked happy. If she's happy i am happy for her. I still wish she choose me but i don't have much time left before i go so this is probably the best for her.