I find solace in the thought of suicide

[pain&shame]

I am a massive drug addict with numerous health problems, although I went to the ER yesterday thought I had a heart attack but turned out to be anxiety attack. Anyways I shared a straw with a very ill homless person when smoking fentanyl and the past three months i've lost 25 pounds, had weak muscles/joints, dry mouth, new bumps (but i freaked out and had STD test and all negative, but test might have been a month too soon).
Anyways I have been through too much trauma and drug abuse as well as mutliple surgeries with complications - it's not looking good for me at age 27. However, the greatest thing that brings me confort is knowing I can snort a fat line of fentanyl whenever I want to end this thing. Thank fucking god for that. Imagine if i couldn't commit suicide and had to suffer bad health endlessly?
So i'm very fortunate/cursed that suicide is likely what will become of me.

 

[Fragile]

i'm still trying to get my method, but i can relate, the idea of suicide is the only thing that brings some solace to my life.

no matter how bad it gets, i'll always have a way to end this pain and just thinking about it is enough to bring my anxiety to manageable levels.

 

[GHOST99]

Same here, I fck up a lot and get stressed out and ashamed but then I remember I'm gonna kill myself anyways and it feels liberating.

You've suffered a lot, I hope you're able to find peace.

 

[TAW122]

I feel the same as well, especially when fantasizing about suicide in general. While I don't plan on CTB'ing anytime soon, the thought that I am able to do so (and have the means to do so) brings me comfort because I know when things get too hard and I decide not to deal with it anymore, I can just easily check out and never have to deal with anything anymore (assuming that I overcome my SI while attempting).

 

[lymbo]

why u were wyth the homeless guy doyng drugs? he your frend?

 

[Sweet emotion]

I am a massive drug addict with numerous health problems, although I went to the ER yesterday thought I had a heart attack but turned out to be anxiety attack. Anyways I shared a straw with a very ill homless person when smoking fentanyl and the past three months i've lost 25 pounds, had weak muscles/joints, dry mouth, new bumps (but i freaked out and had STD test and all negative, but test might have been a month too soon).
Anyways I have been through too much trauma and drug abuse as well as mutliple surgeries with complications - it's not looking good for me at age 27. However, the greatest thing that brings me confort is knowing I can snort a fat line of fentanyl whenever I want to end this thing. Thank fucking god for that. Imagine if i couldn't commit suicide and had to suffer bad health endlessly?
So i'm very fortunate/cursed that suicide is likely what will become of me.

I completely understand. I WISH I had fentanyl but I wouldn't know where to go to get it. An old friend of the family was a heroin addict and he bought some thinking it was heroin but it turned out to be fentanyl and he died. I wish I knew who his sources was. The cops said that my sweet little town is actually full of drug dealers. I wish I knew some. I mean I have tons and tons of pain meds saved because I have had a severely painful condition for 14 years and there's no way I can live another year like this. It's too painful and too lonely. I know a doctor who gives people advice on how to kill themselves. I tell him what I have and he told me what to do. Although I've talked to him once before I want to talk to him once more before I go.

 

[readybready]

Yea. I think the thought of being able to commit suicide is liberating. Just imagine never having to feel anything again. It would be great.

 

[NitriteAnatomy]

*Simply points to my profile pic* Says it all, even if the words are from a song.

 

[zherhk]

Yeah gives relief and sometimes what stops is the fear of missing something that probably will never happens.