Venting I Feel So Trapped I Need To Kill Myself In A Few Weeks Or I'll Be In Agony Again, But I'm So Scared

[socrates]

I went to the Dentist the other day, because I was in almost constant pain. They recommended 3 root canals, they put me on an antibiotic so I'm not in pain right now. The prescription last a week. So I figure I have 2-3 weeks before the pain comes back. I can't Afford 3 root canals. I have Medicaid, but that won't cover this and I don't want to loose 3 teeth.

Over the last year I've come so far. I've done things that would have seen impossible a year ago, but none of that matters. I wanted to make 2026 my year, now I get this news. I don't have a job. I have Agoraphobia and OCD. I've been Applying to jobs, but no one hires me. I can barely function as an adult. Every time I get hope, reality crashes down in my face.

I want to do the Nitrogen exit bag, but if I fail I could be a vegetable. I've also herd that its uncomfortable. And I just don't know if the stuff I found on amazon will work or not.

I'm just so sick of this. It doesn't help that the women I love left me back in October. I'm all alone

 

[goodbye-to-a-world]

Feeling this too. I'm avoiding the dentist for similar fears (and lack of funds/insurance) but the pain is spreading and it's getting harder to manage. I just really fucked myself over. It really is all my fault and I just don't see ways of fixing it. I'll never be back to how I was. I want things to change so desperately but I'm still struggling to find work and everything is crumbling around me. Everyone is losing patience with and hope for me but I just really don't think I have it in me anymore. Sorry that you lost your love. Can't relate much but losing anyone you care about sucks. Especially when they're all you have and especially when it's their choice that you can't stop.

Good luck with whatever you end up doing. Hope it works out and I hope you get what you want and find peace.