Venting i feel scared to post or ask questions

[dokudokudenpa]

(this is my first ever post so bare with my shoddy formatting kthx)

i have a constant looming fear that, maybe, my consideration of suicide isn't actually coming from a genuine place in my heart. i've struggled with the idea of thoughts not exactly "being mine" before and i know for a fact my consideration of suicide is genuine, but i just can't kick the thought that my yearning for suicide is just the product of my warped and negative persona i've developed. (paradoxical, i know)

obviously i won't get answers here about something as vague as personification but that leads back to the title. i am scared of posting here because i can't kick the (very irrational) thought that my thoughts aren't genuine.

i would just like to know if anyone relates to this in some way?
(i sort of repeated myself a lot because this is my first time every trying to formulate this into words)

 

[Forever Sleep]

To be truthful, I can't really relate to this but I can understand why it would feel very confusing/unsettling. Do you feel this way about other thoughts you have? Did your ideation come about as a reaction to something specific? Did these thoughts come in at a young age? Obviously- only answer if you feel comfortable doing so.

Sorry- not much help at all but I wanted to welcome you to the forum. Also to say- don't be scared to ask questions or say what's on your mind. The majority of people here are friendly.

 

[dokudokudenpa]

i haven't really dealt with it in relation to other thoughts recently but when i was younger it was actually a bit of a problem… it is mostly where my fear came from, so it isn't entirely unjust.

thank you for hearing me out! for the most part, i just need to feel heard ♡

 

[LXR515]

(this is my first ever post so bare with my shoddy formatting kthx)

i have a constant looming fear that, maybe, my consideration of suicide isn't actually coming from a genuine place in my heart. i've struggled with the idea of thoughts not exactly "being mine" before and i know for a fact my consideration of suicide is genuine, but i just can't kick the thought that my yearning for suicide is just the product of my warped and negative persona i've developed. (paradoxical, i know)

obviously i won't get answers here about something as vague as personification but that leads back to the title. i am scared of posting here because i can't kick the (very irrational) thought that my thoughts aren't genuine.

i would just like to know if anyone relates to this in some way?
(i sort of repeated myself a lot because this is my first time every trying to formulate this into words)

I somewhat relate to what you mean, as if the thoughts and ideas you have related to suicide aren't entirely your own, or some kind of tainted version of your own mind. I feel that a lot when there's a sharp contrast between the part of me that wants to heal and get better and the part of me that wants to just end it all and die. I hope you feel better and more comfortable posting here aswell, I'm kinda new but the community is really understanding and kind

 

[PetrichorBirth]

i have a constant looming fear that, maybe, my consideration of suicide isn't actually coming from a genuine place in my heart.

People post here pretty regularly who seem unsure about suicide. Often they're told that suicide is a big decision, and if you don't feel completely peaceful about the idea, you're likely not ready.

i've struggled with the idea of thoughts not exactly "being mine" before and i know for a fact my consideration of suicide is genuine, but i just can't kick the thought that my yearning for suicide is just the product of my warped and negative persona i've developed. (paradoxical, i know)

That's a philosophical question. Are anyones thoughts ever truly theirs? People aren't as unique as they think. Most situations concerning you have been experienced and are being experienced right now, just with a different set of people. Yes, your yearning for suicide is just the product of your persona you've developed (specifically the reaction of your persona to certain events). On the same note, everyones yearning for anything is just the product of whatever persona they have developed, whether that's negative or not.

i am scared of posting here because i can't kick the (very irrational) thought that my thoughts aren't genuine.

You'll find out at the very latest when it's time to take action. In the meantime this place is still great for venting your thoughts out