I'd found some grounding. I'd started to get my feet back under me. I never shook the feeling that I will one day CTB, but my suicidal thoughts had transitioned from constantly active to almost exclusively passive. I was able to experience happiness. The good days outnumbered the bad. I had some hope for my life. And the fear of self immolation had returned. That's all slipping again. I'm on the fast track to ending up in a shit spot. A freight train heading dangerously fast back toward the head space where setting myself on fire stops being terrifying and becomes something I can and will do. I'm still scared of it right now, but I can feel myself coming back to that space where burning to death sounds more tolerable than living in my head. The mental anguish one has to be in to think that way… Please god let my family know how much I loved them. How much I fought for them. I've tried so hard. So hard to live. So hard to be there. I did everything. But I can't seem to beat these demons in my mind.
-
Hey Guest,
We wanted to share a quick update with the community.
Our public expense ledger is now live, allowing anyone to see how donations are used to support the ongoing operation of the site.
👉 View the ledger hereOver the past year, increased regulatory pressure in multiple regions like UK OFCOM and Australia's eSafety has led to higher operational costs, including infrastructure, security, and the need to work with more specialized service providers to keep the site online and stable.
If you value the community and would like to help support its continued operation, donations are greatly appreciated. If you wish to donate via Bank Transfer or other options, please open a ticket.
Donate via cryptocurrency:
Bitcoin (BTC):Ethereum (ETH):Monero (XMR):Similar threads
Venting I feel disgusting- zvee
- Suicide Discussion
Suicide Discussionzvee
