Venting I feel like I reached the point of no return

[greenvally]

I'm trans, I could not transition in my early years because of my family

If I did, I would probably be able to be just a normal girl, heck even a pretty one. But no, because of my mom's side of the family, people born male are just super tall. My brother is almost 2 meters tall and my grandad was OVER 2 meters

I just hitted the 180 meters mark and there's no sign of stopping. I was sad even with just 170, 2 years ago, but now it's just unbearable. Any attempt at transitioning will result in being seen as a freak by other people. Which is not good because in my country trans people literally die because of this

My only 2 choices? Living the rest of my life as a male while day dreaming of the life I never had the chance to live or just end it all now


I don't think I'm ready for it as of this moment, if I just ignore my body and keep playing games all day while day dreaming like I'm I might just well live for some quite good amount of time


But one day, I will look into the mirror, one day I will look at my friends living their happy life, one day I will see everyone around me change and have a family and I will still be stuck at number 0, because I just can't get myself to work on bettering myself with this body

That day will be my last. Thank you, family, for not believing me when I said I needed to start transitioning.

 

[Minsu]

I'm crossing my fingers for you! I'm on a same boat, I've reached a point of no return too.. I just don't wanna ctb before my mom dies so I'm waiting..
I asked her (when I was very depressed) how she would react on my suicide and she told me that she would consider it as the biggest failure in her life so I just can't ctb now

 

[Torabol]

I don't think a lot of things hurt more than permanence, it can truly be awful.

 

[greenvally]

I don't think a lot of things hurt more than permanence, it can truly be awful.

At least if my day dreaming evolve I might just dissociate the entire day.
I think I might be able to live that way.

But for now it's just some random hops of thoughts that make me forget about everything for an hour or two but they don't last too long