I feel betrayed

[CrappyMJ]

I ruined every relation I had, knowing I had a way to CTB anytime I wanted. Now I realized it doesn't work anymore. I tried partial hanging a few years ago and blacked out very easily but the rope gave out so I didn't make it. Now for the life of me I can't get it to work. I just feel a lot of pressure on my face, like it's about to explode.

Now I haven't talked to my family for months. My boss hates me. My coworkers hate me. My life is miserable. Why life is so cruel. I just want to stop existing...

 

[FuneralCry]

Existence certainly is so unnecessarily cruel, it's just the reality of being trapped here in this horrible world, I hate how difficult it is to die and of course it should be easier to cease existing. But anyway I hope that you eventually find the freedom that you are searching for, there really is too much suffering in existing, I see it as being a punishment to feel so trapped here.

 

[LoiteringClouds]

I ruined every relation I had, knowing I had a way to CTB anytime I wanted. Now I realized it doesn't work anymore. I tried partial hanging a few years ago and blacked out very easily but the rope gave out so I didn't make it. Now for the life of me I can't get it to work. I just feel a lot of pressure on my face, like it's about to explode.

Now I haven't talked to my family for months. My boss hates me. My coworkers hate me. My life is miserable. Why life is so cruel. I just want to stop existing...

Hello @Javad9090,
I'm so sorry to hear your gut-wrenching story.
I wish I could tell you someone IRL loves you,
but I can't say it with any certainty.

I didn't completed my partial attempt, too.
But I still believe I can go anytime when I need to.
What if every CTB method eludes me?
How hard it could be?

The earth is a huge torture chamber.
Diehard pro-lifers says life is always beautiful,
And in suicide statistics they treat us as merely a number.
I just wish God is a bit more merciful.

Sorry, I couldn't find any comforting words for you - I'm no poet or whatever.
All I can do is to pray - I can't help but wishing you the best

 

[The anhedonic one]

You've really been through hell, and I'm sorry you had to go through all of that. And people are so cruel to others who are suffering.
Fuck them all for such a shocking lack of empathy.