Venting I enjoy faking my death

[peerlesscucumber]

I'm an attention seeker, I'm not afraid to admit that.
I've been doing this since I was like 13. First time I ever did it was on my Wattpad account because I didn't want to keep updating my countryhumans fanfiction, and I loved it.

I loved the way people DM'd me and asked me if I was okay, I loved the comments of people begging me not to go, telling me that I could talk to them if I wanted to and saying it wasn't worth it.

Since then, I've created multiple online personas, some very similar, some drastically different.

Some never show signs of depression, some make their mental illness their whole personality.

When I feel bad, I like to post a little depressed post on one of them.

A little "I relapsed" here, a little "I might attempt" there.

Sometimes I even do it on 2 accounts in the same that so that I get more comments

I know this is probably unhealthy. Keeping up with my fake personalities takes up a lot of time in my day and I've even grown to hate some of my personas, as if they were another whole person.

My attention seeking has gone as far as to actually fake attempts irl. Never too complicated, a little "oh yeah I tried hanging myself twice !" Comment, or maybe an "don't try ODing before a school night, believe me" to my classmates. Never too obvious, just enough to concern but never enough for people to take action

 

[dolemitedrums]

I can't imagine myself enjoying that but at least you seem to be having a good time.

 

[peerlesscucumber]

I can't imagine myself enjoying that but at least you seem to be having a good time.

I realize it does sound pretty weird from the outside hehe but it's genieunly so fun how it makes me feel so in control of everything AND also very cared for (2 of my favorite things in the world)

 

[sos]

aren't you afraid that you'll never build actual friendships? bc faking your death technically means that you're lying

at one point you'll only drive people away and you wouldn't be able to fake your death for the rest of your life

it should get boring or feel repetitive at some point

there are other ways that are healthy to get someones attention

 

[picklealex]

i always thought about doing this, and i enjoyed the thought of people caring about me, but i have never actually done it

 

[locked*n*loaded]

Your actions show dismissiveness against those who have real problems and are actually suicidal.

 

[EvisceratedJester]

aren't you afraid that you'll never build actual friendships? bc faking your death technically means that you're lying

at one point you'll only drive people away and you wouldn't be able to fake your death for the rest of your life

it should get boring or feel repetitive at some point

there are other ways that are healthy to get someones attention

I don't think it's just about attention, it's about the type of attention. I think the OP likes the care and concern they gain from it. I guess it could even be them trying to call for help in a way. It can also be used a way to feel like your issues and suffering is valid. I kind of understand it since I sometimes have the urge to divulge certain things about myself to others for the sake of sympathy and validating my own feelings. I don't really act on those urges though, since I also simultaneously hate attention and being pitied. Still, I remember when I told my dad about being catcalled for the first time and oddly enjoying watching him get upset about it and show concern for me.

 

[dolemitedrums]

I realize it does sound pretty weird from the outside hehe but it's genieunly so fun how it makes me feel so in control of everything AND also very cared for (2 of my favorite things in the world)

It sounds manipulative and like you will be destroying any relationships of quality in the long run.

 

[willitpass]

This is incredibly manipulative and harmful to the people you are doing this to. There are ways to receive care and attention that are not emotionally damaging and traumatizing to others. Do you realize how terrifying it is to be told that someone you've developed a bond with is going to kill themselves? And eventually people will stop believing you and engaging with you, meaning you will be in a constant cycle of creating relationships and losing them. This is incredibly unhealthy and I would encourage you to seek help, if not for yourself for those getting hurt by your actions.

 

[peerlesscucumber]

Your actions show dismissiveness against those who have real problems and are actually suicidal.

Never did I say I wasn't suicidal or that I didn't have any real problems.
I just like it when people act like they care for me when I engage in these dangerous behavior, opposite to how my irls react

 

[peerlesscucumber]

aren't you afraid that you'll never build actual friendships? bc faking your death technically means that you're lying

at one point you'll only drive people away and you wouldn't be able to fake your death for the rest of your life

it should get boring or feel repetitive at some point

there are other ways that are healthy to get someones attention

That's why I tend to make my accounts short lived (1 year at most). None of them are actually me.
The people who ask me to not do these things don't actually have a connection with me, they don't know the real me and thus, I don't have a real connection to them.

I just like the attention, idc if people leave me or not.

 

[yxmux]

I can empathize here, though this is more of a mentally stimulating fantasy rather than something I could imagine myself actually doing. In reality, I hate having any sort of attention. I usually simplify these conversations just so they can end quicker because I can't realistically imagine anything good out of being honest, if I can even be honest just by saying words in the first place. I'm a big people-pleaser and compulsive liar around some people, not even for malicious or otherwise pathological purposes as much as it is for avoiding conflict or major interaction where I really have to participate.

I totally understand the "wanting to feel in control" aspect of it all as well. I often feel like people actively avoid me even though I tend to be the one doing the avoiding and the dismissive attitude. I suppose it's formed as some sort of maladaptive self-preservation mechanism.

 

[xxRoro]

I got diagnosed hpd+bpd and I feel what u are saying too much. I also got like 3 active TikTok accounts. One is my depressed personality. One is my main account and one for trash.

I never considered this an issue bc its like an creativity outlet.

This started as a kid as well when I wrote my first goodbye letter, placed it on the opened window and throw cloth outside and then hide in my closet.

I feel so ashamed that I did this to my mom and regret it so much. But CTB thoughts played nevertheless a big role in my life since my childhood

 

[prana]

I use role-playing websites and just roleplay a suicide plot over and over so I don't damage my real life relationships. It comes from a very real need, I feel like if I didn't have that outlet I would be doing the same thing as OP. I make sure to tag things appropriately so people can add suicide to their block list if they don't want to talk about it. Sometimes you just need to hear it though after spending so long listening to your own negative thoughts sometimes you need the perspective of someone who doesn't feel that way

 

[peerlesscucumber]

It sounds manipulative and like you will be destroying any relationships of quality in the long run.

Yeah, that I've realized, but it's not that I really care.
I never do this near the people who I genuinely care for (eg. My family, my best friend), and it's not like I have good quality relationships at all right now

 

[No More Tears]

I did that on some site I was on years ago. I guess it was my way of exiting the site. I don't know why I did it, but after claiming I was killing myself that night, I never went back to it.

 

[Aprilfarewell4]

A lot of people do this. They stage elaborate stories. I would say it's happened on this website. More than once.

 

[peerlesscucumber]

A lot of people do this. They stage elaborate stories. I would say it's happened on this website. More than once.

I honestly think faking one's death in this site would be kind of weird and maybe even discredit the purpose of this site a bit..
But yeah, I think the overcomplication of each persona is what adds to the excitement. The way that even if they're all technically people with different life's, different experiences, bodies, and minds, they still inevitably hold you essence, and that means that people still somehow kind of like you.

I did that on some site I was on years ago. I guess it was my way of exiting the site. I don't know why I did it, but after claiming I was killing myself that night, I never went back to it.

Yep, exactly what I did on Wattpad!! I think I also faked my death on amino once or twice because I just wanted to deactivate the account

 

[justwannadip]

I'm an attention seeker, I'm not afraid to admit that.
I've been doing this since I was like 13. First time I ever did it was on my Wattpad account because I didn't want to keep updating my countryhumans fanfiction, and I loved it.

I loved the way people DM'd me and asked me if I was okay, I loved the comments of people begging me not to go, telling me that I could talk to them if I wanted to and saying it wasn't worth it.

Since then, I've created multiple online personas, some very similar, some drastically different.

Some never show signs of depression, some make their mental illness their whole personality.

When I feel bad, I like to post a little depressed post on one of them.

A little "I relapsed" here, a little "I might attempt" there.

Sometimes I even do it on 2 accounts in the same that so that I get more comments

I know this is probably unhealthy. Keeping up with my fake personalities takes up a lot of time in my day and I've even grown to hate some of my personas, as if they were another whole person.

My attention seeking has gone as far as to actually fake attempts irl. Never too complicated, a little "oh yeah I tried hanging myself twice !" Comment, or maybe an "don't try ODing before a school night, believe me" to my classmates. Never too obvious, just enough to concern but never enough for people to take action

This is fine, just don't go making goodbye threads or telling ppl you're going to ctb via a specific method and have them think u were successful. It fks up the data and is also manipulative. Now I wonder how many ppl have faked their deaths on here.

 

[peerlesscucumber]

This is fine, just don't go making goodbye threads or telling ppl you're going to ctb via a specific method and have them think u were successful. It fks up the data and is also manipulative. Now I wonder how many ppl have faked their deaths on here.

Oh nono, I think doing that would kinda go against the main principles or wtv of the site, plus, it wouldn't be so fun since I don't hold nor plan on holding any close relationships with the people in here

 

[locked*n*loaded]

Never did I say I wasn't suicidal or that I didn't have any real problems.
I just like it when people act like they care for me when I engage in these dangerous behavior, opposite to how my irls react

And neither did you say you were. I don't like the idea of making suicide into a "game". It's not a game. It's as real as it gets.

 

[IWishIWasAFlower]

Whats the point of telling that now?

I get that you want people to care for you in a way they probably dont do in your rl so you have to make shit up, but what is this about?

 

[opheliaoveragain]

This is incredibly manipulative and harmful to the people you are doing this to. There are ways to receive care and attention that are not emotionally damaging and traumatizing to others. Do you realize how terrifying it is to be told that someone you've developed a bond with is going to kill themselves? And eventually people will stop believing you and engaging with you, meaning you will be in a constant cycle of creating relationships and losing them. This is incredibly unhealthy and I would encourage you to seek help, if not for yourself for those getting hurt by your actions.

Agree with all of this. I can def understand the validation, but there are other ways to build relationships that give you that in a more healthy way. I recognize at this point it may be an addiction for OP, but I hope you can realize, OP, that this isn't the way. There are people here who desperately want a way out and can't find one. This just feels disrespectful and manipulative and frankly, kinda gross feeling.

 

[opheliaoveragain]

I use role-playing websites and just roleplay a suicide plot over and over so I don't damage my real life relationships. It comes from a very real need, I feel like if I didn't have that outlet I would be doing the same thing as OP. I make sure to tag things appropriately so people can add suicide to their block list if they don't want to talk about it. Sometimes you just need to hear it though after spending so long listening to your own negative thoughts sometimes you need the perspective of someone who doesn't feel that way

OP should look into things like this. Don't involve real people.

 

[Themogger]

I'm an attention seeker, I'm not afraid to admit that.
I've been doing this since I was like 13. First time I ever did it was on my Wattpad account because I didn't want to keep updating my countryhumans fanfiction, and I loved it.

I loved the way people DM'd me and asked me if I was okay, I loved the comments of people begging me not to go, telling me that I could talk to them if I wanted to and saying it wasn't worth it.

Since then, I've created multiple online personas, some very similar, some drastically different.

Some never show signs of depression, some make their mental illness their whole personality.

When I feel bad, I like to post a little depressed post on one of them.

A little "I relapsed" here, a little "I might attempt" there.

Sometimes I even do it on 2 accounts in the same that so that I get more comments

I know this is probably unhealthy. Keeping up with my fake personalities takes up a lot of time in my day and I've even grown to hate some of my personas, as if they were another whole person.

My attention seeking has gone as far as to actually fake attempts irl. Never too complicated, a little "oh yeah I tried hanging myself twice !" Comment, or maybe an "don't try ODing before a school night, believe me" to my classmates. Never too obvious, just enough to concern but never enough for people to take action

I'm a bit disappointed this wasn't an ex-hitman backstory

 

[peerlesscucumber]

I'm a bit disappointed this wasn't an ex-hitman backstory

Who said this wasn't part of my hitman training...

And neither did you say you were. I don't like the idea of making suicide into a "game". It's not a game. It's as real as it gets.

I assumed everyone would assume I was since this is a site for suicide discussion and such, but it seems I was wrong.
I know this isn't a game, I know it's harmful for me and it might harm others too, I've just found out with time that I don't care.
There's far worse things that could be going on than me posting a "might attempt today" on a random twitter acc with 100 followers

 

[willitpass]

I assumed everyone would assume I was since this is a site for suicide discussion and such, but it seems I was wrong.
I know this isn't a game, I know it's harmful for me and it might harm others too, I've just found out with time that I don't care.
There's far worse things that could be going on than me posting a "might attempt today" on a random twitter acc with 100 followers

Emotionally manipulating people with the concept of suicide is exactly what gives suicidal people a bad rep. I'm not agreeing with saying you aren't actually suicidal, but I do agree that you have turned it into a game. These people you do this to are being manipulated with suicide. That is a fucked up thing to lie about. And if they suspect you are untruthful or late find out you didn't die they may well be less likely to believe other suicidal people in the future. You are perpetuating a boy who cried wolf mentality. This is harmful to the people you are doing it to and this is harmful to the suicidal community who struggle enough to be taken seriously.

 

[uki3]

wirdo

 

[peerlesscucumber]

wirdo

One word reply and you misspell it, wow

 

[Alessa]

Am I the only one to whom it's not surprising at all? There are a lot attention seekers here, more than a few years ago. Sasu changed a lot. At least, this person is NOW honest to admit it, but its still disgusting. I understand why people feel the urge to get attention, because they received too much or too few of it in their lives, but when it comes to death, which triggers a lot of people here, espescially those who cared for and your health, it becomes sinister. and you know its extremely egoistic to satisfy those needs on the shoulders of other members.
Hopefully its not only you who reads this posting, Iam talking to all the attention seekers out there and also to those who find it pretty amusing to register an account here to fake any shit.