Help I don’t want to die, but I have to.

[sanu189]

Suspected as much, they asked for my email lol

Wow! I am so sorry! I didn't mean to make you guys feel I was trying to do something else. I actually got Nembutal from D because she helped me. I thought you guys could get it

 

[Gustav Hartmann]

Most people in the world don't want to die, but have to, because they are mortal and aging. You mean you don´t want to commit suicide, but have to. That reminds me of a person who is sentenced to death and given the privilege to commit suicide.​

Sorry, I cannot imagine how you feel, because I am in the happy situation, that I want to commit suicide and have to. ​

 

[Chockles]

I totally relate to this but, there's so much in life that I would have wanted to do but Ive lost all hope and I know there are ways to make things better but I just don't have the strength to do it anymore.
The thought of leaving my family behind makes me very emotional but at the same time I can't withstand anymore and I wish they would understand, I wish my friends would understand but no one does, I'm just so exhausted.

I spend every night crying myself to sleep and the only thing that brings me comfort is knowing that I won't be here to celebrate another birthday.

 

[Dot]

Most people in the world don't want to die, but have to, because they are mortal and aging. You mean you don´t want to commit suicide, but have to. That reminds me of a person who is sentenced to death and given the privilege to commit suicide.​

Sorry, I cannot imagine how you feel, because I am in the happy situation, that I want to commit suicide and have to. ​

Semantics.

Ppl planning ctb not think about ctb, think about dying.

 

[Chockles]

Most people in the world don't want to die, but have to, because they are mortal and aging. You mean you don´t want to commit suicide, but have to. That reminds me of a person who is sentenced to death and given the privilege to commit suicide.​

Sorry, I cannot imagine how you feel, because I am in the happy situation, that I want to commit suicide and have to. ​

When i worked in hospitals most elderly people I chatted to said they didn't fear dying actually or at least those who had had a good life. Many actually were ready to die. SI doesn't seem to be such an issue in the healthy elderly population. It is expected death.

Younger disabled people with terminal illnesses feared death in a similar way to those wanting to commit suicide from long term suffering.

Doesn't matter what method, it's all dying. But some are more prepared for it than others.

 

[xLosthopex]

Wow! I am so sorry! I didn't mean to make you guys feel I was trying to do something else. I actually got Nembutal from D because she helped me. I thought you guys could get it

Who helped you ? Me ?
I've never seen or spoken to you on here before this lol

 

[soggyweeetabix]

Yes this is exactly what I say to myself also
I'm not afraid of death itself either, but am terrified of the dying process… I'm an atheist so I just believe that when I'm dead it will just be the same experience as before I was born ie just total oblivion, however that time I did intend/'attempt' to ctb with N a few months ago, in the moments leading up to it when I had poured the contents of the bottles into the glass, it was like all my logic and personal beliefs went out the window and I was filled with sudden panic and doubts, thoughts of the afterlife, heaven, hell etc. which is just so frustrating because I know that's not the real me or what I actually believe… ugh

That must be an awful feeling and not something I feel. I can only advise that you try to enter a totally clear mind set. I have a certain hobby that requires it with no expectation of arrival either on the way down or on the way back up, but 'just this just now, just this just now…. and repeat' (how stupid does that sound considering I want to ctb). Negative thoughts breed like gremlin rabbits throughout your brain though and that sounds like what you are having.

 

[Butterflyfree]

I can relate.

I am 52, unemployable, have a bad heart and temporal lobe epilepsy, hear voices, will be homeless in a matter of time and I have nowhere to go and no one to turn to.

I struggle between genuinely wanting to die because my mind no longer works the way it used to and because my clinical depression is just that bad and feeling lousy on other days because impending homelessness is my main reason for wanting to go.

Months ago I posted an idea about those on SS finding and organizing a safe home, a place where we could all live and help and support each other.

Now with my seizures and clinical depression I don't even know if I could handle that.

For those of you who don't want to die but feel that you have no other choice I hope you find a solution. It would be nice if everyone who feels this way could come together and help each other.

If I could help all of you I would.

@toforgivelife I am in the same situation as you are. I also with I had an affordable place to live with my fur babies. I am severely disabled and in chronic pain. Pretty much bedridden. I wouldn't do well as a homeless person.

I always thought everyone had a breaking point. But I see scores of homeless people living in agony. I know that during the winters many of them start to lose extremities like fingers and toes due to the cold temps and poor circulation. I don't think a rock bottom exists. Life can get much worse even if you think you are already in the gutters.

@eternalmelancholy it's so true about the homeless people. I wouldn't do well homeless at this point in my life so this is what I'm trying to avoid. I'm disabled and in terrible pain. I wish it didn't have to be this way but there's no other viable choice for me. If I stay unbelievable suffering will be coming my way.

 

[Chockles]

i am not desperate to meet anyone. I just want to make sure I do the right thing so I am not damaged afterwards. I haven't been here long enough. I am in fact bed bounded and not easy to go out to do it in hotel since I have large family. Someone's always around. I have hidden my Nembutal so I can take it but I can't seem to do the fasting for 12 hours since they willl know I haven't ate

I live with my elderly parents.
Fasting not that hard. Just say you've a sore stomach ior something. They can't force you to eat
I'm ready now too. N is ordered. AEs already got. Next week sometime I must CTB.
No I don't want to die im stilll petrified but I want to be dead as I'm barely existing in excruciating agony 22 in 24hrs a day now bed ridden 10 solid months with no hope of any improvement let alone recovery.
12hr window lving with elderly parents only. But hopefully it'll be enough.
Don't have any strong beliefs but afterlife or nothingness neither can be as bad as this torturous existence.

 

[8evergo]

if you find the right ctb partner any kind of suicide is nice