i don't really want to die, i just want the pain to be over.

[lanadelreyisgod223]

the title is a quote from my favorite song and it's exactly how i feel. i'm terrified of dying, i don't want to die, but the pain of my existence is too much. to have the pain and suffering creep back in as you're happy and thought you had an escape from it. getting what you want, being out with friends/family and having a good time, yet having the realization in those happy moments that you still don't want to be here. constantly having a longing to be gone and seeing no future for yourself. i wish i was dead already

 

[ecolofienjoyer]

I know a similar lyric. "I don't wanna go, I don't wanna stay" Life has many things that makes you wanna stay. Infact we are biologically wired to want to. But we also recognise the absurdity of our existance. People handle it in different ways. I hope you find the way thats best for you. Sending many hugs

 

[d4isy]

i feel the exact same way :( hugs

(i love that song too btw and lana in general)

 

[Terrible_Life]

I also don't wanna die I just want a happy fulfilled life but that is impossible all I can get is a sad painful life full of struggle therefore I choose death instead of a life which would never be a life I'd be happy with.

 

[lanadelreyisgod223]

i feel the exact same way :( hugs

(i love that song too btw and lana in general)

i love lana sooo much <3 and this song. i wish she released it instead of let me love you like a woman haha

 

[d4isy]

i love lana sooo much <3 and this song. i wish she released it instead of let me love you like a woman haha

same hahah!! it's way better imo.

 

[spiders.in.my.head]

oof, i feel that. i know ctb will cause pain to my family, and ofc i dont want that, but what other choices do i have?

the future is uncertain, things are confusing and messy, and i dont want to deal with any of it. but ctb, while an escape for me, would cause misery to those i love most.

 

[dhk96]

Same. I'm terrified of dying and terrified of existing. But it's only death that can completely stop the pain that comes with my ability to think and feel.

I don't want to be sad (or experience any negative emotions/situations) but I can't be glad or satisfied with happy moments because that's all they are--moments. If the reality is that I can never escape the sadness in happiness, and that, for me, any and all happiness comes with sadness, then I'm too scared and tired to even want to be happy.

Thinking hurts. Feeling hurts. Existence hurts.