Venting I don't know if I want to get better or get worse.

[FeatheredCrab]

I'm so confused. I want to change. I want to be happy. I want to live. But I feel like it's pointless. I feel like trying to change, trying to be happy, trying to go on is me deluding myself about the horrific reality that is existence.

Maybe I feel the way that I do because I don't understand myself anymore. I've been having an identity crisis for a long, long time. Whether I'm being forced to or not, I'm always trying to please others.

Who am I? Does it even matter? I'm lost.

 

[J&L383]

Feeling very much the same way. I want to change but I can't, I want to live or I want to die but I'm stuck in between. Existence horrible and beautiful at the same time. Ugh!