I don’t know if I can do it

[burninghill]

I don't know, I was up yesterday and suicide randomly came to mind.

I think it's normal to have doubts, but I randomly started doubting all my reasons for being suicidal, even though I'm confident about them. It's just a stupid instinct, your brain will come up with a million and one reasons to stay alive, shit you've never cared about before.

To be honest, I don't feel at my worst right now, but it always comes back. I've been feeling my mood get lower and lower. When it gets at its worst, I genuinely freak out daily about feeling like I have to kill myself. It lasts for months. I told myself that when the episode stopped, I had to kill myself regardless so I never feel that way again.

I just want somebody to believe that I'm strong enough to do it, I've backed out twice but I know I can do it. All I have to do is stay still and let it happen

 

[PanaxMan]

I don't know, I was up yesterday and suicide randomly came to mind.

I think it's normal to have doubts, but I randomly started doubting all my reasons for being suicidal, even though I'm confident about them. It's just a stupid instinct, your brain will come up with a million and one reasons to stay alive, shit you've never cared about before.

To be honest, I don't feel at my worst right now, but it always comes back. I've been feeling my mood get lower and lower. When it gets at its worst, I genuinely freak out daily about feeling like I have to kill myself. It lasts for months. I told myself that when the episode stopped, I had to kill myself regardless so I never feel that way again.

I just want somebody to believe that I'm strong enough to do it, I've backed out twice but I know I can do it. All I have to do is stay still and let it happen

Had this yesterday towards drowning. The pure pain of not breathing stopped me. Reading the mega thread and comments were exactly right and the SI was strong for a few hours until it all came back again stronger then ever.

 

[burninghill]

Had this yesterday towards drowning. The pure pain of not breathing stopped me. Reading the mega thread and comments were exactly right and the SI was strong for a few hours until it all came back again stronger then ever.

It's so strange. Last time I backed out it was because I got this intense fear that there's nothing after death, I've always been a major believer in reincarnation and never ever feared death before. Your body will do anything to live

 

[PanaxMan]

It's so strange. Last time I backed out it was because I got this intense fear that there's nothing after death, I've always been a major believer in reincarnation and never ever feared death before. Your body will do anything to live

I dont think about that tbh I don't mind if there's nothing after death. Maybe it's cuz I'm lazy so I didn't do that much. Guess it depends if you felt you've done anything with your heart still beating away