Venting I dont know anymore

[PurplePerson]

Recently everything has been getting worse. It feels like my sad emotions have been, like, boosted a lot. Something similar happened last year, around the same time of year. I was so sad and almost became a ceiling decoration, but before I could I caved in and messaged my best friend at the time. She convinced me to not do it, and I thought that was all, but she ended up telling someone because she was worried, and eventually the news got to my mom. Normally, you'd think a mom would be comforting, and she was for a bit, then she asked me what was wrong, and I told her how she was making me feel because of her shitty parenting, and she told me it was my fault. She told me everything I was feeling was my fault. I felt myself shatter. I've always disliked her, but this, it just made it so much worse. Now it's that time of year again, and I feel the same as last year. This time, I don't have that best friend to stop me. I have friends, but i don't get that same connection that held me back. Im overall scared of myself once again. I've lost all energy and I feel burnt out. I spend so much time wasting my life doom scrolling. I just want someone to notice something is wrong with me, but im scared of telling them. Maybe, I think I just really want attention, which is selfish I feel like. It's like im a kid again, seeking for attention. I feel so stupid right now, I don't know what im doing with my life and nothing in this stupid fucking world is making me happy anymore. Anyways, sorry for how long this is. Im done.

 

[TransilvanianHunger]

It is not your fault that you feel the way you do. And you're not selfish for wanting someone to notice what you're going through. Shitty parenting is not the child's fault, but it's extremely difficult for a parent to have the self-awareness necessary to acknowledge their mistakes. Defensiveness is an instinctive reaction, and they shift the blame onto you. But it is not your fault.

The world as it is today is really not built to promote human flourishing, and you're certainly not alone in feeling like things are just miserable. They kind of are, in many ways.

For whatever it's worth, this random online stranger is reading you, and I feel you're in pain. You are not alone.

 

[krsm98]

id say is not selfish or your fault as your mom might imply, as what you are going through is shit, and if the cause of this is shitty parenting then there is less reason as to it being your fault.
Ive had instances where a parent of mine instead of acknowledging the pain or providing comfort they just deflect the blame or claim how their lives were far worse in the past and how what one is going through is nothing :/. And regardless of how horrible it is for a parent to claim thise things id say is not your fault for them treating u shitly or for feeling that way.

But well... in the end id say you are not alone, and a stranger like me shares that pain, and i wish you the best

 

[PurplePerson]

id say is not selfish or your fault as your mom might imply, as what you are going through is shit, and if the cause of this is shitty parenting then there is less reason as to it being your fault.
Ive had instances where a parent of mine instead of acknowledging the pain or providing comfort they just deflect the blame or claim how their lives were far worse in the past and how what one is going through is nothing :/. And regardless of how horrible it is for a parent to claim thise things id say is not your fault for them treating u shitly or for feeling that way.

But well... in the end id say you are not alone, and a stranger like me shares that pain, and i wish you the best

Thank youuu!! I wish you the best as well!

It is not your fault that you feel the way you do. And you're not selfish for wanting someone to notice what you're going through. Shitty parenting is not the child's fault, but it's extremely difficult for a parent to have the self-awareness necessary to acknowledge their mistakes. Defensiveness is an instinctive reaction, and they shift the blame onto you. But it is not your fault.

The world as it is today is really not built to promote human flourishing, and you're certainly not alone in feeling like things are just miserable. They kind of are, in many ways.

For whatever it's worth, this random online stranger is reading you, and I feel you're in pain. You are not alone.

Thank you for reading my post. I don't know why but it means a lot to me.