I don't care about you.

[Un-]

And I'm sorry for that.

But I've gotten worse. I don't care about the people in this forum. I try to, but my eyes glaze when I read what you guys write. Don't even talk about the people in my life, because it's much worse with them.. Sigh.. I just don't have it in me anymore.

I've always felt apathetic, but at least I could give a well-intended gesture here and there. But now?

It's one of the symptoms of being alive for longer than I should have been. I shouldn't be here.. I should've died years ago.

I'm soaked in so much misery, if I tried to recover, all I would be doing is fooling myself until I'm 50 years old.. I'll end up back right here in this forum.. Like so many people here have done to themselves..

 

[Huntfish34]

I'm sorry to hear you feel that way but I can't blame you,. I understand to a degree. Life and many people on it can be So damn Fckn toxic,. It's absolutely draining to say the Least. I get it

Hope you can find peace in whatever may happen. Thoughts and prayers -

 

[Un-]

I'm sorry to hear you feel that way but I can't blame you,. I understand to a degree. Life and many people on it can be So damn Fckn toxic,. It's absolutely draining to say the Least. I get it

Hope you can find peace in whatever may happen. Thoughts and prayers -

Thank you.

It's not really toxicity.. Like, a lot of people on this forum, like yourself, aren't toxic..
Sigh. I just.. Can't. I just can't..

 

[Cathy Ames]

It's okay. I'd guess many of the people here don't care about you either. It's actually not a life requirement for you (or anyone) to "care" about everyone else in the entire world. And overexposure to... um... neediness, negativity, drama, despair, etc. can strip a person of their compassion (google "compassion fatigue"). Other things besides that can make empathy difficult to impossible.

It's one of the symptoms of being alive for longer than I should have been.

Sure. If you want it to be this, then it can be. HOWEVER, there are all kinds of people out there who have gotten compassion fatigue, took it as a sign to do some "radical self care" (or whatever), and then went on to live a life.

 

[GrumpyFrog]

I'm sorry things are so hard for you. I wish I could help. I do care about you - to an extent, you are a notable presence on here and you really do come off as a good person that doesn't deserve to suffer, with a tragic but relatable fate. I don't know if it means anything to you, but just in case it does...
I understand this feeling when you just burn out of empathy, especially when you're low and are surrounded with other people who are also suffering. There is nothing abnormal about it. After all, we're just total strangers from the Internet, it is more unusual if you do care. You are not under any obligation to comfort other people here if you don't feel like it, as long as you don't deliberately say hurtful things everything is fine.
And I really don't think it is a sign you shouldn't be alive. It is just a sign that you're not in a mental space to be there for others and need a break from that. It is normal. It is simply human. So please, at least don't be hard on yourself about this.

 

[Un-]

It's actually not a life requirement for you (or anyone) to "care" about everyone else in the entire world

I should at the very least care about my mother.. But I don't.. At least, not to the extent that a good son would.

And overexposure to... um... neediness, negativity, drama, despair, etc. can strip a person of their compassion (google "compassion fatigue). Other things besides that can make empathy difficult to impossible.

I'm the source of my misery.. I can't escape myself.

HOWEVER, there are all kinds of people out there who have gotten compassion fatigue, took it as a sign to do some "radical self care" (or whatever), and then went on to live a life.

There are people who were really suicidal, but someway somehow managed to flip everything around on themselves.. And so on.. The one thing they all have, at the very least, is a will - a hope - for things to get better. I can't think of one thing I want, anymore. I have the capacity to do great things, I know I do, but I would feel no more different than if I lived as a hermit forever.. If that makes sense.

I appreciate your compassion though. Genuinely, it's the one thing between myself and staring at my ceiling the entire day. And I mean that literally.

 

[CTB Dream]

Thing care it all brain result, brain damage life trama many things result lose anility caring, emotion chemic at end no chemic no feel. Also many people there impossible kno all. Understand how, damag get not chemic feel empty not connect anyone. Sorry sufer this all bio human body nonsense brain nonsense

 

[Forever Sleep]

I think we sometimes have to be in a relatively stable state to be able to cope with rants and misery. I don't think it makes you a 'bad' or 'selfish' person because you don't feel like you can cope with it at the moment.

Honestly, I texted a good friend the other day that I wasn't the best person to rant to because I couldn't give them a realistically positive pep talk and I was struggling so much myself, I couldn't be sympathetic all the time.

I suspect all of us can only empathise with one another to a certain degree- for self protection partly. If we took everyone's struggling and pain to heart, we'd be emotional wrecks. Maybe your brain has gone numb to try and protect you.

Still, I can see why even that feels disturbing. My Dad read something I had inscribed for him in a book I bought years ago. It was so full of love and appreciation. I'm just so cold now though. Think I've probably just been isolated for so long, it feels safer just not to feel anything.

 

[FuneralCry]

It does seem as though for the most part, humans only care about what directly affects themselves, overall humans are generally very selfish and we are all trapped in our own thoughts, unable to see things from the perspective of others. It's understandable as to why humans would be so self centred as after all, we are all alone and cannot really understand what others go through and we have to live with ourselves until we die.

I've also felt like I've existed for far too long at this point. It can be very tiring having to continue life when you despise existing and don't wish to be here at all. At least for me, I believe that only death could offer true relief from all of the endless suffering that exists in this world.

 

[KuriGohan&Kamehameha]

Being exposed to countless heartbreaking situations can make a person shut off their emotions as a defense mechanism. Being emotionally invested in others takes energy, it is no easy task, or something one can continually autopilot without a degree of burn out. It doesn't make you a bad person.

Our brains simply aren't designed to cope with an overflowing influx of misery, without some breaks in between at the very least. When you're in a lot of pain yourself, providing the support that you need to others as well is quite tough emotionally. It's a sign that you need to put aside what's going on with others for a moment and seek some care for yourself, because right now you need that empathy and compassion too.

Reading lots of devastating conversations on here can be detrimental mentally, it doesn't make you flawed in the slightest to need to take a step back from it.

 

[akirat9]

Our brains

yours is, not mine. we're not the same

humans only care about what directly affects themselves

speak for yourself
this couldn't be more far from the truth

 

[Un-]

I'm sorry things are so hard for you. I wish I could help. I do care about you - to an extent, you are a notable presence on here and you really do come off as a good person that doesn't deserve to suffer, with a tragic but relatable fate. I don't know if it means anything to you, but just in case it does...
I understand this feeling when you just burn out of empathy, especially when you're low and are surrounded with other people who are also suffering. There is nothing abnormal about it. After all, we're just total strangers from the Internet, it is more unusual if you do care. You are not under any obligation to comfort other people here if you don't feel like it, as long as you don't deliberately say hurtful things everything is fine.
And I really don't think it is a sign you shouldn't be alive. It is just a sign that you're not in a mental space to be there for others and need a break from that. It is normal. It is simply human. So please, at least don't be hard on yourself about this.

Ironically, you too, Nessie, are a good person that doesn't deserve what they're dealt with. You like life, and you're not that misanthropic - at least, from what I can tell.. So all of this coming from a genuine person like yourself is worth more than gold to me.
I just.. Think what's happening to me is not really because I've ran out of empathy, but because if you suffer too much.. You die two deaths. Your love crumbles, your care is sentenced to the guillotine, your affection is exiled from your soul.. I can't even define how I feel most of the time. It's not good.. But it's neither indifference or suffering. I feel as empty as my life, and it makes me want to cry.
But thank you. I really appreciate what you said. I really do.

I'm just so cold now though. Think I've probably just been isolated for so long, it feels safer just not to feel anything.

You described it perfectly. Cold. I feel cold. Like there's a continuous snowstorm inside of me. Maybe that isn't what you meant.. I don't know. I'm sorry you're going through this, too.

Being exposed to countless heartbreaking situations can make a person shut off their emotions as a defense mechanism. Being emotionally invested in others takes energy, it is no easy task, or something one can continually autopilot without a degree of burn out. It doesn't make you a bad person.

Our brains simply aren't designed to cope with an overflowing influx of misery, without some breaks in between at the very least. When you're in a lot of pain yourself, providing the support that you need to others as well is quite tough emotionally. It's a sign that you need to put aside what's going on with others for a moment and seek some care for yourself, because right now you need that empathy and compassion too.

Reading lots of devastating conversations on here can be detrimental mentally, it doesn't make you flawed in the slightest to need to take a step back from it.

What happens when, even from stepping back, your mind conjures your own miseries? I wish.. It was as simple as taking a break. But I'm the type of person sink into a deeper depression whether I'm alone or surrounded by people suffering like I am.

It's moments like these where I envy people who enjoy things. I wish I enjoyed things. I wish I had a happy place.. I can't even retreat into my imagination. It's gone. It's all gone..

 

[Forever Sleep]

Ironically, you too, Nessie, are a good person that doesn't deserve what they're dealt with. You like life, and you're not that misanthropic - at least, from what I can tell.. So all of this coming from a genuine person like yourself is worth more than gold to me.
I just.. Think what's happening to me is not really because I've ran out of empathy, but because if you suffer too much.. You die two deaths. Your love crumbles, your care is sentenced to the guillotine, your affection is exiled from your soul.. I can't even define how I feel most of the time. It's not good.. But it's neither indifference or suffering. I feel as empty as my life, and it makes me want to cry.
But thank you. I really appreciate what you said. I really do.



You described it perfectly. Cold. I feel cold. Like there's a continuous snowstorm inside of me. Maybe that isn't what you meant.. I don't know. I'm sorry you're going through this, too.


What happens when, even from stepping back, your mind conjures your own miseries? I wish.. It was as simple as taking a break. But I'm the type of person sink into a deeper depression whether I'm alone or surrounded by people suffering like I am.

It's moments like these where I envy people who enjoy things. I wish I enjoyed things. I wish I had a happy place.. I can't even retreat into my imagination. It's gone. It's all gone..

I'm so sorry. How you feel sounds horrible. Especially noticing this shift in yourself. I've heard many people on here say they feel more and more like a shell of a person. It must be really distressing.

I know I've changed. I suppose the real test is when I'm around family/friends again. I haven't seen either since before covid began. Should be seeing my parents in December, so I guess that will be the real test.

Can I ask- are you on antidepressants? I know they do make you feel like a zombie sometimes- kind of flatten your emotions out. My friend is on them and says she doesn't enjoy stuff like she used to.

 

[Un-]

Can I ask- are you on antidepressants? I know they do make you feel like a zombie sometimes- kind of flatten your emotions out. My friend is on them and says she doesn't enjoy stuff like she used to.

No, I'm not. I fear the thing that happened to your friend will happen to me.

Goodluck with your family ordeal. I hope you aren't far gone..

 

[makethepainstop]

And I'm sorry for that.

But I've gotten worse. I don't care about the people in this forum. I try to, but my eyes glaze when I read what you guys write. Don't even talk about the people in my life, because it's much worse with them.. Sigh.. I just don't have it in me anymore.

I've always felt apathetic, but at least I could give a well-intended gesture here and there. But now?

It's one of the symptoms of being alive for longer than I should have been. I shouldn't be here.. I should've died years ago.

I'm soaked in so much misery, if I tried to recover, all I would be doing is fooling myself until I'm 50 years old.. I'll end up back right here in this forum.. Like so many people here have done to themselves..

HAHAHA! You don't care about me?!! Hell, NEITHER DOES ANYONE ELSE, SO DID YOU THINK ID GIVE A DAMN? I'm used to it after 60+ years on this earth.

 

[madebrief]

No-one Truely really cares.

 

[Forever Sleep]

No, I'm not. I fear the thing that happened to your friend will happen to me.

Goodluck with your family ordeal. I hope you aren't far gone..

Yes, I know what you mean. I've always been wary of medication really. I know it can help some people but I know it can sometimes make things worse.

Arr, thanks so much. That means a lot. Feels bad for thinking about it like an ordeal but honestly, I am worrying about it. I'm sure it will be fine when I get there. In the past, it has kind of re-adjusted me, so that it's actually felt worse to come home and be alone again. Can't win can we?!!

I wish I knew what to say to help you. I think you are deep down a compassionate person. Otherwise, feeling nothing wouldn't trouble you. I hope you can regain what you have lost- if that is what you want.

 

[GrumpyFrog]

I just.. Think what's happening to me is not really because I've ran out of empathy, but because if you suffer too much.. You die two deaths. Your love crumbles, your care is sentenced to the guillotine, your affection is exiled from your soul.. I can't even define how I feel most of the time. It's not good.. But it's neither indifference or suffering. I feel as empty as my life, and it makes me want to cry.

This is beautifully eloquent, yet immensely sad. I'm so sorry. You seem like someone who is severely depressed, when all feelings crumble and all is left is the not-quite-sadness and a desperate search for some source of warmth that doesn't come.
I don't want to push anything on you, but I just wanted to say that I felt this way before I started taking antidepressants and they actually made me less numb and frozen inside, rather than more. It is not a magical solution, sometimes we've got to sort out things that hurt us both from the inside and from the outside to feel any better, but it might be worth it giving it a try if there isn't much to lose anyway? I mean, how much more numb can you get?

 

[actual_fox]

It is always better to not state that upfront- then you are just like anybody. When you state that you don't care- but in a way that points that you feel you should, or that It is some kind of loss, then maybe you do care but you are just too exhausted.

You don't really have to care, there is nothing bad about not caring for other grown adults on suicide forum.
Take a nap or something. It always helps. Maybe stop thinking you ought to care.

You would be doing greater work If you were to care for yourself(only), for sometime. But I don't know what helps you. I know only things that help me.

 

[leeloosnow]

Ironically, you too, Nessie, are a good person that doesn't deserve what they're dealt with. You like life, and you're not that misanthropic - at least, from what I can tell.. So all of this coming from a genuine person like yourself is worth more than gold to me.
I just.. Think what's happening to me is not really because I've ran out of empathy, but because if you suffer too much.. You die two deaths. Your love crumbles, your care is sentenced to the guillotine, your affection is exiled from your soul.. I can't even define how I feel most of the time. It's not good.. But it's neither indifference or suffering. I feel as empty as my life, and it makes me want to cry.
But thank you. I really appreciate what you said. I really do.

nessie has good vibes. i am about emotionally tapped- no, that was long ago- but i could still for others, just not for me. its kinda an open invitation for every fkhd to bleed me dry and move along to the next. but i see good people hurt, and i cry. i hurt, and i .... but i can't trust and idk if that is a me/me thing, a me/people thing, or a people/people thing...

It's moments like these where I envy people who enjoy things. I wish I enjoyed things. I wish I had a happy place.. I can't even retreat into my imagination. It's gone. It's all gone..

i enjoy my rats. i sent them away because i am a failure. i like my groups, my games... i even like me. but there's some inexplicable factor i've tried for decades, since i was born to find. maybe that's the void i have sought to fill. its really worn me down and i feel like shit becase im going to hurt ppl with any decision i make. dpesn't matter what, how good how bad.

i like that cathy (and others) pointed out that we are under no requirement to give a shit about any person. and than some people just dont give a shit abt me. so applicable rn, lol.

i am so sorry that you are feeling this way un. you seem decent and its not a fun defense mechanism or reality to face that i simply cant (and shouldnt) hand free care out to anyone nor should i expect it. its a dark place, i hate it, i'm sorry anyone with a heart knows it. i guess you needed to have a heart in the first place, i'm sorry it hurts the way it does.

 

[ikadasui]

Big reason I wish I was gone. I used to be very empathetic and I thought that was one of my strongest traits, but now hardly anything truly gets to me. It's very depressing and I know it's only a matter of time before any "heart" is left at all and that should bother me but... I hardly care

 

[AlTheObviousAlien]

And I'm sorry for that.

But I've gotten worse. I don't care about the people in this forum. I try to, but my eyes glaze when I read what you guys write. Don't even talk about the people in my life, because it's much worse with them.. Sigh.. I just don't have it in me anymore.

I've always felt apathetic, but at least I could give a well-intended gesture here and there. But now?

It's one of the symptoms of being alive for longer than I should have been. I shouldn't be here.. I should've died years ago.

I'm soaked in so much misery, if I tried to recover, all I would be doing is fooling myself until I'm 50 years old.. I'll end up back right here in this forum.. Like so many people here have done to themselves..

"It's one of the symptoms of being alive for longer than I should have been. I shouldn't be here.. I should've died years ago.



I'm soaked in so much misery, if I tried to recover, all I would be doing is fooling myself until I'm 50 years old.. I'll end up back right here in this forum.. Like so many people here have done to themselves."

This!!!!!!!! This!!!!!!! I should have CTB when I was 21, 3 years ago! People tell me, "you have so much life, blah blah blah". NO! I have lived 3 years too long! It's crazy because it's like I knew all along 21 was the year everything would turn to shit. 21 was my favorite number and when people asked why, I always shrugged, but it's because I knew I would die. SHOULD HAVE! I'm sorry for those that passed in but 2020 was honestly my favorite year. I loved freshmen year in community college. I had real friends. I had a real group of friends. I loved the parks and coffee and driving to no where but I knew it was it. It was all the happiness I'd really experience in "adulthood". I fell like I will be a "Brazzos" in Only Murders. I've always been a Brazzos. I should have known my place and CTB. So in three weeks I will. I refuse to see 25 and 2025.