Sammystink
Sammy
- Mar 30, 2026
- 31
Hey guys, this is kind of an update I guess.
The last post I made here I said I was going to ctb, and that I was going to follow up.
I planned to ingest bleach, all my previous attempts didn't work before that, I tried with a toaster in the bath a few times, and with hanging I kept getting way too scared to step off the ladder..
Ok now below is just some random yapping about my life
Right before my last post one of my friends on here one of my friends finally caught the bus, I miss them a lot..
Just the other day I found out one of my family members has a prion disease and dosen't have long left to live.
And just today I saw someone I liked on this site is planning to ctb soon..
I don't know what I'm getting at here, but it just feels like I keep getting beaten down..
A lot of my closest loved ones have grown distant from me and it's really just hard, I dont know I feel so alone...
The last month or so I've been looking back at a lot of the abuse I faced as a kid, I never was really properly loved by my family, I was always treated like I only made things worse, and all my friends bullied me at the time too.. After my mom died it's just like I didn't matter anymore, I only ever made things worse...
I moved online to get any sort of positive feedback from anyone, which just led me to being abused, and manipulated.. But it was the only time anyone would say anything nice about me....
It sucks now too, everyone is dying, or just not talking to me anymore.. I feel unloved and alone.. I feel like having bpd pushes everyone away, and no matter how much I try to stop it, or explain how my head works it doesn't help..
My best friend and my boyfriend have been staying with me, both say they still love me. But I dont want to hurt them. I don't know, I just feel stuck I guess.
I'm just throwing my thoughts out atp, this has nothing to do with anything I just want to share my thoughts...
I'm going to make a new ctb plan soon. Hopefully, I'll continue my search for dsl. I'm not very smart though so it may be hard lol..
Thank you all for reading this anyways...
I want to ctb by the end of the year..
The last post I made here I said I was going to ctb, and that I was going to follow up.
I planned to ingest bleach, all my previous attempts didn't work before that, I tried with a toaster in the bath a few times, and with hanging I kept getting way too scared to step off the ladder..
Ok now below is just some random yapping about my life
Right before my last post one of my friends on here one of my friends finally caught the bus, I miss them a lot..
Just the other day I found out one of my family members has a prion disease and dosen't have long left to live.
And just today I saw someone I liked on this site is planning to ctb soon..
I don't know what I'm getting at here, but it just feels like I keep getting beaten down..
A lot of my closest loved ones have grown distant from me and it's really just hard, I dont know I feel so alone...
The last month or so I've been looking back at a lot of the abuse I faced as a kid, I never was really properly loved by my family, I was always treated like I only made things worse, and all my friends bullied me at the time too.. After my mom died it's just like I didn't matter anymore, I only ever made things worse...
I moved online to get any sort of positive feedback from anyone, which just led me to being abused, and manipulated.. But it was the only time anyone would say anything nice about me....
It sucks now too, everyone is dying, or just not talking to me anymore.. I feel unloved and alone.. I feel like having bpd pushes everyone away, and no matter how much I try to stop it, or explain how my head works it doesn't help..
My best friend and my boyfriend have been staying with me, both say they still love me. But I dont want to hurt them. I don't know, I just feel stuck I guess.
I'm just throwing my thoughts out atp, this has nothing to do with anything I just want to share my thoughts...
I'm going to make a new ctb plan soon. Hopefully, I'll continue my search for dsl. I'm not very smart though so it may be hard lol..
Thank you all for reading this anyways...
I want to ctb by the end of the year..
