burninghill
Experienced
- Dec 2, 2025
- 290
I can't wait for my body to just be laying there in the cold and feeling absolutely nothing. I think that's the best thing I can do for this person I've become. When I have nothing else to think about I just imagine this body dead on the rails getting rained on and rotting, my hair blown around and my bag left on the beach and taken by the tide.
I know that's not what will happen, I know the driver will stop and the person I killed won't get a moment of peace before the police are called but it doesn't mean I can't find comfort in the thought. I just want to be thoughtless and limp and dead.
I've always felt weird about myself, like my brain is a person that started existing in the last few years and my body is whoever is left over from before. I feel sorry for her, I wish I could find whoever was here before. I hope she won't hate me for destroying her but she's been gone for a really long time now I think she's gone for good.
I don't know if that's too hard to understand. It's like going into a dead persons house and feeling their presence left there and one by one you get rid of all their things and there's no trace of them left. This house was never really mine. It will always be hers and if she can't have it then no one can and it will burn.
Maybe if I'm really lucky then I'll get another chance at all of this and my eyes will only be closed for a second before I wake up as a baby again. I hope when I wake up I get to experience another mother like mine. She's such a beautiful person and I know I'll be her baby in every single life I live.
I know that's not what will happen, I know the driver will stop and the person I killed won't get a moment of peace before the police are called but it doesn't mean I can't find comfort in the thought. I just want to be thoughtless and limp and dead.
I've always felt weird about myself, like my brain is a person that started existing in the last few years and my body is whoever is left over from before. I feel sorry for her, I wish I could find whoever was here before. I hope she won't hate me for destroying her but she's been gone for a really long time now I think she's gone for good.
I don't know if that's too hard to understand. It's like going into a dead persons house and feeling their presence left there and one by one you get rid of all their things and there's no trace of them left. This house was never really mine. It will always be hers and if she can't have it then no one can and it will burn.
Maybe if I'm really lucky then I'll get another chance at all of this and my eyes will only be closed for a second before I wake up as a baby again. I hope when I wake up I get to experience another mother like mine. She's such a beautiful person and I know I'll be her baby in every single life I live.
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