i cant take it anymore

[jackalope201]

i thought i'd never post on here. things have gotten so bad since then. i think about suicide everyday. my boyfriend is worried and wants me to move in with him. I tried soft launching this to my mom. i told her i couldn't handle living here anymore. that my mental health has just gotten worse and worse and im tired of wasting away. she just put me down and made it all about herself. "I don't know what more you want from me," she said. "you don't know what a bad home life is like. why are you making yourself feel this way? you can just change your mindset." I told her i wanted to fucking kill myself. that it was move in with him or go to a psych ward. she barely blinked a fucking eye. how can you hear that and not care? how can you hear that go "your life is perfect, what's wrong with you?" she kept saying stuff like she didn't want me moving in with him because he lives with a bunch of guys. i said im a guy. but i'm fucking trans and she's never seen me as i truly am. she said "those guys can't get pregnant". i dont *want* to be pregnant! im not gonna fuck some random guys when my boyfriend is literally right there. i just want to fucking live.

 

[ScaredCutter]

those lame ass excuses to downplay ur feelings and ur situation. seems like she doesnt care at all, even if reality hit her face. i remember being told things like that, js so fucking stupid, makes me want to throw it back, "what am i doing wrong as ur child??", "oh, im just the WORST child ever..".

gotta hate the pregnancy scare too. not everyone wants children or to impregnant somebody. its so stupid, doing everything to prevent u from leaving and being somewhere, where things will be different and could do smth for u but, shed rather keep u trapped so that she can control the narrative and lie to herself and u about how things r "perfect". i get that its hard to accept when somebody is suicidal but, to act like they are just, not "seeing how perfect things are"/"how good u have it", is so fucking braindead.

a parent like that sucks a lot, just endless lies to fit a narrative and to shove things into how its not. comparison of what others go through to make u feel like ur just being silly over how u feel. my dad cant truly accept how i feel about things and how i see it without comparinf it to his PTSD or other people in poor countries and such.