I can’t stand my own company

[JadedGray]

At least it would be something better than being miserable and mediocre in this world.

Agreed.

Having worked in customer service I can definitely say in my experience that was true. It was the most stressful soul sucking job possible. Having that job on top of the trauma I experienced at the time lead to a massive break down for me. I am now a NEET in my late 20s have not worked in years after my breakdown. Currently looking for a non customer related job but I don't know why I'll just be miserable no matter what I do...my thoughts always come back to ctb.

If I could say I still have a dream left living way out in a rural area away from everyone and civilization would be it.

This is why I know I never would have been able to function at a job after everything I had already experienced. I guess I was doomed to be a NEET. My dream would be to be completely self-sufficient and live out in the middle of nowhere, but CTB is more realistic at this point.