I can't maintain my friendships anymore

[crescentmoonisland]

I'm not entirely sure if it's due to my ADHD or my depression, but I really, really struggle when it comes to maintaining my friendships. It's been years, but I still find myself having trouble replying to my friends when they come into my DMs. I've lost several friendships because of that. I'm aware that this makes me an awful human being, because these people genuinely wanted to be my friend, they were nice enough to tolerate me - and I just hurt them by pushing them away.

I swear, it's so difficult, because most of the time, I don't have the energy to speak to people, especially when it comes to newer friendships. I love them so much, but I'm so, so tired and it feels like a chore (this is why I referred to my ADHD, because I tend to procrastinate when it comes to chores, but it's just a theory). I don't understand why it's happening to me. When I'm not wasting my time in university, I rot in my bed all day, do nothing productive for the day because I've lost all motivation to do anything - but all this time, I could've at least sent a hello. I'm such a shitty person. I want to reply right away, I swear, but the effort is too much. I end up replying after three days or more. It's just a complicated situation overall, It leaves me wondering what's wrong with me. All I know is that I'm the problem - like always, really.

Now I'm just waiting for the moment when my remaining friends will get annoyed with the situation and leave me behind as they should.

 

[latte art]

That sucks to hear. I hope you find the strength to progress in a fruitful direction. I've been on both sides of this - pushing away new friendships due to procrastinating on following up, and distancing myself from the pain of being ignored by others. It's hard.

 

[crescentmoonisland]

That sucks to hear. I hope you find the strength to progress in a fruitful direction. I've been on both sides of this - pushing away new friendships due to procrastinating on following up, and distancing myself from the pain of being ignored by others. It's hard.

Thank you for your reply. I appreciate you taking the time to write it. Knowing that it's not just me and that it's a real problem makes me feel less guilty, and I feel like you described my situation very well, as I've also had issues with being ignored which makes me apprehensive towards new friendships. I think I'm understanding it a bit better now. Can't say I currently have the strength to work on it right now, but I'll try to work on it in the future. Take care and thank you once again!