Defenestration
I want to have the courage to defenestrate myself
- Oct 25, 2020
- 630
I can't get it to ctb
I'm stuck, I'm hesitant, tomorrow I finally had the opportunity to get out of the window( 60m) but I canceled/postponed it again with the guard of the tower...
eventually he's going to end up not wanting it anymore... I have to give him gifts, bottles of wine for to apologize and so he doesn't piss me off.
why when I finally have the opportunity to ctb I find pleasure in life and I resist... even though I know very well that in 1 week I will plunge back into very great anxiety or severe depression.
if I had a gun at home I would have shot myself 10 times already but having to plan, wait etc...
I would love to be shot in my sleep or have a heart attack in my sleep...
I'm stuck, I'm hesitant, tomorrow I finally had the opportunity to get out of the window( 60m) but I canceled/postponed it again with the guard of the tower...
eventually he's going to end up not wanting it anymore... I have to give him gifts, bottles of wine for to apologize and so he doesn't piss me off.
why when I finally have the opportunity to ctb I find pleasure in life and I resist... even though I know very well that in 1 week I will plunge back into very great anxiety or severe depression.
if I had a gun at home I would have shot myself 10 times already but having to plan, wait etc...
I would love to be shot in my sleep or have a heart attack in my sleep...
