Venting I can’t do it

[EmpressDean]

I have my life as an example of why I don't want to live anymore. I prayed to God, Jesus Christ, and Mother Mary to end my life either through a car accident very quickly, a brain aneurysm, or cancer but quickly. I'm so severely depressed with my whole life. From childhood, teens, to adult hood. I'm so depressed. I have a gun. I keep saying today, today is the day, tomorrow, next week, and I don't do it. I point it at my head above my ear and I cry remembering why I'm depressed. I have reasons. I don't know a way out. I'm done with it. And I can't follow directions never pull the trigger. I feel so cornered and stuck. I'm turning 30 on the 21s of December, and I don't have anyone. I'm always alone. It's broken be psychologically and I don't know how to get back up again. God I just want to do it. I only pray to Mother Mary to end my life and I tell her my reasons. I don't want to hurt my mom. I love her deeply. But I can't save myself anymore. So I ask to die by natural ways so I don't have to end my own life. At least that way it will be slightly easier on her. Maybe. I wish I could just muster it up and pull that trigger. I'm a huge scaredy cat and I can't even cut myself or do heights or drive to far to places. I hate it

 

[OnMyLast Legs]

Same. I've completely collapsed psychologically but I can't do it. (I think I could with a gun, though.)

 

[OnMyLast Legs]

Thing is, with a gun you could play footsie with it. One day you load it, one day you point it, then you put your finger on the trigger, then you squeeze just a little, a little more, etc. I could get there.

 

[EmpressDean]

Thing is, with a gun you could play footsie with it. One day you load it, one day you point it, then you put your finger on the trigger, then you squeeze just a little, a little more, etc. I could get there.

I'm afraid I'll screw up. I got a 9mm automatic. Idk what model. I read you point it above the ear. I'm afraid I'll be a vegetable. But at the same time I think it'll work. It's the rainy season now. It's raining right now. I think about driving to a parking lot with a bunch of stores in my town and doing it in my car. I've considered doing it in the backyard of my sisters house, I live with her. I would I've to drive somewhere very far if I want a field. I was thinking of driving where the hospital is like 5 minutes away but I'm afraid I would be resuscitated I only thot if being near a hospital because of the morgue

Thing is, with a gun you could play footsie with it. One day you load it, one day you point it, then you put your finger on the trigger, then you squeeze just a little, a little more, etc. I could get there.

Squeeze it a little more tight? Maybe I'll try that. While loaded?

 

[Defenestration]

Ma vie est la preuve que je ne veux plus vivre. J'ai prié Dieu, Jésus-Christ et la Vierge Marie de mettre fin à mes jours rapidement, que ce soit par un accident de voiture, un anévrisme cérébral ou un cancer, mais rapidement. Je suis profondément déprimé depuis mon enfance, mon adolescence et jusqu'à l'âge adulte. Je suis tellement déprimé. J'ai un pistolet. Je me répète sans cesse : « Aujourd'hui, c'est le jour », « Demain », « La semaine prochaine », et je ne le fais pas. Je le pointe sur ma tempe, au-dessus de mon oreille, et je pleure en repensant aux raisons de ma dépression. J'ai mes raisons. Je ne vois pas d'issue. J'en ai assez. Et je ne peux pas suivre les instructions, je ne dois surtout pas appuyer sur la détente. Je me sens piégé, coincé. J'aurai 30 ans le 21 décembre et je suis seul. Je suis toujours seul. Je suis psychologiquement brisé et je ne sais pas comment m'en sortir. Mon Dieu, j'ai juste envie de le faire. Je prie seulement la Vierge Marie de mettre fin à mes jours et je lui explique mes raisons. Je ne veux pas faire souffrir ma mère. Je l'aime profondément. Mais je ne peux plus me sauver moi-même. Alors je lui demande de mourir de mort naturelle pour ne pas avoir à me suicider. Au moins, ce sera un peu plus facile pour elle. Peut-être. J'aimerais tellement avoir le courage d'appuyer sur la détente. Je suis une vraie poule mouillée et je suis incapable de me couper, d'avoir le vertige ou de conduire sur de longues distances. Je déteste ça.

I think also this

 

[OnMyLast Legs]

While loaded?

I don't see it working unloaded

 

[EmpressDean]

Thing is, with a gun you could play footsie with it. One day you load it, one day you point it, then you put your finger on the trigger, then you squeeze just a little, a little more, etc. I could get there.

Spent 3 hours in Walmart parking lot today. I was pointing it at my head. I could only squeeze the trigger half way. Could pull the rest. I'm so defeated

 

[OnMyLast Legs]

Spent 3 hours in Walmart parking lot today. I was pointing it at my head. I could only squeeze the trigger half way. Could pull the rest. I'm so defeated

I hanged myself a couple inches too low today (tiptoes). It's so hard.

 

[deiadeia]

Is there anything that keeps you going or is it just the fear holding you back? If that's not strange to ask!

 

[OnMyLast Legs]

Is there anything that keeps you going or is it just the fear holding you back? If that's not strange to ask!

All fear here

 

[Hollowman]

Wal-Mart parking lot? Are your windows tinted? There's cameras all over. And if it were me I'd do it as far away from a hospital as possible.