Venting I can’t do it, I’m too scared

[apearl]

I always tell myself oh I haven't died yet because I don't have the access to it but I got the rope, and I got the technique down, my hands go tingly and my vision starts to blur without having to worry about the uncomfortable suffocating feeling, and I can't I'm too scared.

I feel like such a coward. All I've wanted for the past 6 years is this and I can't do it. Maybe it's cause I'm sober but I don't wanna waste alcohol unless I'm 100% and this is scaring me.

I'm so disappointed in myself

 

[klantedklaw]

I always tell myself oh I haven't died yet because I don't have the access to it but I got the rope, and I got the technique down, my hands go tingly and my vision starts to blur without having to worry about the uncomfortable suffocating feeling, and I can't I'm too scared.

I feel like such a coward. All I've wanted for the past 6 years is this and I can't do it. Maybe it's cause I'm sober but I don't wanna waste alcohol unless I'm 100% and this is scaring me.

I'm so disappointed in myself

Do you want to die or do you want to be happy?

 

[Forveleth]

Do not beat yourself up. Killing yourself is one of the most difficult things you could do. You are fighting millions of years of survival instinct. It does not make you a coward.

 

[apearl]

Do you want to die or do you want to be happy?

I just don't think there's a way to live and be happy for me

Do not beat yourself up. Killing yourself is one of the most difficult things you could do. You are fighting millions of years of survival instinct. It does not make you a coward.

Thank you

 

[Aflame5926]

I always tell myself oh I haven't died yet because I don't have the access to it but I got the rope, and I got the technique down, my hands go tingly and my vision starts to blur without having to worry about the uncomfortable suffocating feeling, and I can't I'm too scared.

I feel like such a coward. All I've wanted for the past 6 years is this and I can't do it. Maybe it's cause I'm sober but I don't wanna waste alcohol unless I'm 100% and this is scaring me.

I'm so disappointed in myself

there are more ways to rome.

i think i failed like 4-5 attemps in my life.
im certainly not good at it but im pretty sure i do want to go.
painlessly tho

 

[itsgone2]

I'm scared too. It will happen for us one day

 

[apearl]

im pretty sure i do want to go.
painlessly tho

amen man

 

[The Dead Line]

I firmly believe death is not scary at all because there you won't feel nothing. Have ever felt scared of sleeping? The answer is no. Death is a black screen when you feel nothing. The method itself can be scary but there is no guarantee.

 

[xXiloveyouXx]

I firmly believe death is not scary at all because there you won't feel nothing. Have ever felt scared of sleeping? The answer is no. Death is a black screen when you feel nothing. The method itself can be scary but there is no guarantee.

This way of thinking has never helped me. You can only feel the nothingness of sleeping when contrasted with waking up. What does it feel like to only be asleep forever? It's maddening if you really try to wrap your head around it

 

[The Dead Line]

This way of thinking has never helped me. You can only feel the nothingness of sleeping when contrasted with waking up. What does it feel like to only be asleep forever? It's maddening if you really try to wrap your head around it

I think you should read more about biology. There no secrets here at all. Life after death is nothing because you won't be better than someone who had an accident on the street with a head hanging from a car window.

 

[Harrier]

It might be the wrong method for you.

You are brave by posting here.

It is hard to be so open with your feelings, and say what you are thinking.

Just remember this from a young girl who ctb, and I will paraphrase:

Think of being at the 12th story of a building which is on fire. You don't want to jump, but you do to escape the pain of being on later being on fire.

IOW, we are not inherently broken people, we become broken by life - and when the pain of living exceeds the pain of death, then we will ctb.

Only you can know when that point is.

Be sure and safe, and may you find peace whatever you choose.

I firmly believe death is not scary at all because there you won't feel nothing. Have ever felt scared of sleeping? The answer is no. Death is a black screen when you feel nothing. The method itself can be scary but there is no guarantee.

I have scary dreams, especially now when I am drinking to cope and go into immediate REM in which I know that I am dreaming.

In death, there will be no dreams.

 

[xXiloveyouXx]

It might be the wrong method for you.

You are brave by posting here.

It is hard to be so open with your feelings, and say what you are thinking.

Just remember this from a young girl who ctb, and I will paraphrase:

Think of being at the 12th story of a building which is on fire. You don't want to jump, but you do to escape the pain of being on later being on fire.

IOW, we are not inherently broken people, we become broken by life - and when the pain of living exceeds the pain of death, then we will ctb.

Only you can know when that point is.

Be sure and safe, and may you find peace whatever you choose.

I have scary dreams, especially now when I am drinking to cope and go into immediate REM in which I know that I am dreaming.

In death, there will be no dreams.

if there are no dreams then how is that different from there being only dreams?

 

[Harrier]

if there are no dreams then how is that different from there being only dreams?

That is a good question.

All I can say that my recent dreams have been far from peaceful.

When you are gone, there are no dreams.

I may not remember my dreams once I wake up, even if they were lucid.

But you can't dream when you are non-existant.

 

[5er50ji]

I'm scared too, I felt so much peace when I decided I wanted to do this but the closer I get the more anxious I feel

 

[Dontwant2Bhere]

I'm scared too, I felt so much peace when I decided I wanted to do this but the closer I get the more anxious I feel

It's definitely not easy. I don't even think it matters about what method somebody chooses, the more certain death is, the stronger the survival instinct kicks up. I'm really starting to think that's how it works, at least.