Venting I cant die no matter how badly i want it

[cried4jazz]

I just wanna get it over with and blow my head off. I dont wanna anymore, I just wanna die. I want nothing more than dying. No big procedure, just flick the lights off and be gone. Thats all I want. I wanna be somewhere else, a different universe, a different planet, somewhere else.

I want it so bad but I know i'll never do it because its so hard, so painful, it takes too long and the consequences if I fail are too much. And whats after death? What if theres nothing? What if ill be alone in the darkness. I have no one, im genuinely so alone but an eternal dark space with just me is scarier than being alone on earth

 

[whitetaildeer]

I have no advice nor comforts to give; it's not that easy, and we both know this.

I think it's always ridiculous that people talk about suicide as if it's easy. Fuck no it isn't: what animal is biologically wired to kill themselves? I think this is because people view suicide as one impulsive action, instead of a final part of multiple actions leading up to it. There's so much you have to consider: what if it fails, what about the afterlife, what about anyone who might care? It sucks. And people have the nerve to call that cowardly. Personally I start sweating if I have to plan my suicide, because to do so I have to surmount a lot of bravery that I don't have, and so I'm still here.

Welcome to SaSu. Love the Jazz PFP. I hope things get better for you.