Discussion I can't believe this

[Imamistakendumarsse]

I can't believe its really come to this.... that my existence had become this pathetic.... that I'm actually planning my own death... sometimes its such a feeling of relief to know that I'll ctb... but other times i just wanna scream at the too of my lungs and cry.... and oddly enough i can't even cry nowadays

 

[not-2-b-the-answer]

I feel the same. I never thought life could be this awful when I was a child. I don't even have any way to change it. Sometimes I scream in my car on the way home from work. I also want to cry … sometimes I do.

 

[Brink]

I feel you. These mixed emotions are exhausting enough - especially when you can't 'cry it out' or come to terms with them. Sometimes my mood is consistent for a few days, but other times I get all of them within the space of an hour. So fucking fed up.

 

[madbananas]

I also feel you. I actually get so upset when I see photos of myself as a young child before life really got nasty. And I can't even bring myself to ctb. Sometimes I'm too distressed to even try.
I get the sense of relief when planning as well. Sometimes I'll write notes, take trips to potential ctb locations, even though I'm well aware that I'll unlikely do it. But it blows off some of that steam for me.

 

[mathieu]

I feel like screaming too. I can't cry either. I'd like to.

 

[Bct]

Same here. I still could cry in February, but I can't do it now no matter how hard I'm trying to cry.

 

[Polly]

Yep same here. Can't stand the thought that this is the best my quality of life will be but can't get myself to ctb.

 

[disconnection]

Yup it's weird when even the crying stops.

 

[Deleted member 1465]

I can't believe its really come to this.... that my existence had become this pathetic.... that I'm actually planning my own death... sometimes its such a feeling of relief to know that I'll ctb... but other times i just wanna scream at the too of my lungs and cry.... and oddly enough i can't even cry nowadays

It's one of the things that stopped me in the end. That feeling of disbelief and unreality.

 

[Imamistakendumarsse]

It's one of the things that stopped me in the end. That feeling of disbelief and unreality.

Yep...whenever im about to cry, thats how my si tries to stop me...especially when im doing partial and i almost faint, but pull myself in the last second and just look down at my tingling hands