Discussion I can't be honest on my goodbye letter

[latinoamericanboy]

Today the blues got me one more time, and for the thousand time i thought about what should i do before taking the bus.

My will? A life ensurance? Packing my clothes for donation? But my biggest worry is what should i say to my family and friends to ease their mourning.

But even in this last moment i cannot be honest, i'm too ashamed to tell them my petty reasons. Cause they are shallow, but they hurt me so much.

I must be broken. I must have bpd or something like this. I feel so weak and pathetic to see them triving in the same emotional world i'm drowning.

I always try to hide from them how emotional and dramatic i am. To make them believe i changed. To make me believe i changed. And even in the end, i want to bury this crybaby that i am in secrecy. I'll say to them that i have undiagnosed bipolar or that i have philosophical reasonings.

Anyone else have this too emotional problem? Many people here write about being just numb.

 

[lunchbox]

Yes, sometimes writing the draft letters makes me feel guilty and penitent, which transmutes into either lying in the letters or becoming so angry and frustrated at myself.

I wish I could feel numb or apathetic when writing the letters, or at least be able to express my emotions concisely, but they go a bit haywire.

 

[sleepyhollow]

I think that many people here would like to be numb, but most or at least many of them are not, in reality, so you are not alone in the emotional suffering side of things . Sometimes, I can't understand why I am having such a hard time when everyone around seems to be doing just fine, better than fine. Since I seem to be the odd one out, I feel ashamed of my struggles and I don't want to tell anyone what is actually going on because it would burden them. However, I try to remember that, though everyone may look just fine, they are probably struggling with issues of their own. If you assume that everyone you meet has something difficult going on in their lives (and treat them with due respect and kindness), you will be right 80% of the time. I think that if everyone adopted this policy, the world would be a much lovelier place. I know that you feel like you are broken and like you might be unfixable, I just want to you to know that I relate to your struggles on a personal level, and you are not alone. It does not make you weak or pathetic to be broken. It is okay to not be okay . And, though it would be hippocritcal of me to recommend that you talk to your loved ones (since I myself cannot bring myself to do the very same thing), I hope that you know that we are ready and willing to listen.

 

[user56765567]

I too can relate to this problem. I think for me trying to hide/internalize my emotional and dramatic side of myself has negatively impact me in a lot ways. It's just been hard to be able to reach out to my family or anyone else as I don't feel like I could be completely honest with them because of how they react about different things and are so close-minded about certain topics.

 

[Smelly_ballz]

My reasons feel shallow when I write them out too. But it hurts so fucking much