I am totally done...

[noname223]

I am totally done with my self-help group.
It gets fucking insane and sort of sick.

I think I am done. These two borderline women have a fight in the group. They give subtle jabs to each other. They talk dirty about each other indirectly. And it is impossible to stay neutral. The atmosphere is extremely toxic. I get manipulated a lot. One person is currently doing gaslighting with me. Which is everything but good with my condition. I think I have to cut the strings with them.

I also wanted to talk about a third person with it. And he contacted one woman who is involved in the fight. Told her what I texted him. He told me that. I hoped he could actually help me in settling the dispute.
And now she convinces him to be on her side. And calls me the bad actor. At this point I can't win. I lost the game I have to admit that. My strategy was not good. I wanted to be honest. I wanted the best for the group. And its now used against me.

I am fucking done. She is now super pissed at me but all I wanted was to settle this dispute. And now my words are used against me. This is not good for my mental health. This is certainly not good for my mental health. All of this is also super weird. I think I have to search for another self-help group.

I will take a break for several weeks until the dust has settled. The group is very small and it might break the group if I leave. Maybe it is the best that this group is dissolved when the organizer of the group (the woman who gaslights me) uses it in order to search for men with whom she can emotionally cheat on her boyfriend. Which is also totally nuts.

What will I do instead? Spend my time on Sanctioned Suicide? The thing is one person is now super pissed at me. She already was. She won't stop the gaslighting. There is no reason to stop it. I am now her enemy. There is no way I can win this game. I think I will take a break of this group for several weeks. I mean they can also carry on this absurd fight without me. I think I need to calm down. This is extremely toxic for my mental health. The gaslighting does a huge amount of damage to my psyche. Bro, I can't believe they do this to me.

 

[auto138491]

Take your time. In the meantime, there is SaSu.

 

[Forever Sleep]

It doesn't sound helpful for you anymore. It sounds as if a break or search for something else may be the better option, from what you've said.

 

[noname223]

This fucks my mind totally. I try not to take a benzo. The withdrawal symptoms are horrible.

I will take a sleeping pill. But it will take many hours until I will be able to sleep. I feel horrible. This was a car crash. But I think this would have happened sooner or later anyway. I did not expect something like that today though. I thought it will be a usual session. Currently, I try cognitive restructuring. And I attempt to stop catastrophizing social interactions. But these car crashs aren't that seldom.

Maybe it is better that this group dies. It feels sort of right after what happened to me. I think the situation is fucked beyond repair.

This group helped me a long time. But it begins to turn on me.

I talked with AI about the situation to process it. And it is not helpful at all. All suggestions are totally unrealistic. And have no practical use.