Venting I Am Going To CTB Because I Was Born Female

[OutOfThisBody]

I don't know what I did to deserve being born as a woman. Literally everybody hates women and likes to see them fail, be embarassed, and get hurt. Women are so weak compared to men and were dominated by men for most of human history. Being a man is so much better.

I wish my parents killed me as a baby, it would have been the rational thing to do. China has had a history of female infanticide for 2000 years and their society was not hindered by this. They recognized that men were more valuable than women and so they killed many of their female babies. They put us in piles of trash or drowned us or left us alone to starve.

I cant live this half-life anymore, being half as strong as men, half as funny, half as good at leading, crying more and being more emotional and scared. Look it up, all of these are proven. Its worse than being dead to live this way, its an embarassment.

Womens' hormones during their reproductive years even make them more likely to have depression and mood swings than men, while testosterone has an antidepressant effect and increases motivation and risktaking. Men are biologically more brave and adventurous. Living as a woman is full of pain, including every month just for existing.Because of this even simply existing in a womans' body is worse.

Men are able to do much more interesting things because they are much stronger. Puberty makes men stronger and gives women the ability to give birth. Given the chance, I would have chosen to become stronger.

Men evolved to be hunters, protectors, and warriors in hunter-gatherer societies while women were gatherers and reared children. Men fought all the wars with other tribes and women were kidnapped from their villages after a war and taken as property because they were helpless to defend against their invaders. I would have preferred to be a hunter/warrior, of course, and be built that way. Men have the honour of being able to say their bodies are built for fighting.

Sexism started because women weren't able to fight off men who wanted to control them. Why be alive in a body that is so risky?

People may say they like women but what they mean is they like women who do what they want and behave how they want. Men dominate in relationships and in bed, while women submit. I don't want to submit, but if I don't people say its unnatural and no one will want me. Maybe it is, considering what I wrote before. So I can never be in a relationship in this body in the way I want.

From the stone age to 1950 or so women were prevented from making scientific discoveries, leading, and making contributions to society, and our society made many advances. So how can we say that women are valuable? How can we say that patriarchy is not justifiied? We have never even had a president thats a woman before in the U.S., or a female prime minister in Canada. No one wants to elect one.

The saddest thing is sometimes i catch myself accepting how many things I cant do, accepting a life where I am unfulfilled and limited this way, where I can't take risks and have adventures and enjoy what I want, (Most of the things I want to do have men in the vast majority of participants, including reddit) and it makes me sad. This is why I'm going to commit suicide. I can't live in this small, sad life and body anymore. I can't sit here and rot for 60 years.

Soon I will be diving headfirst onto the sidewalk from a high building. My weak woman's skull will shatter quickly and easily and my brains will spill out onto the concrete.

I'm waiting until my birthday in a month, and in the meantime I will try to do all the things that I enjoy and are on my bucket list. Even this proves hard however knowing I am stuck in this embarassing body in the meantime. I can't even go out at night to look at the stars in case I get raped or attacked. And its dangerous to do things alone as a woman. If I get attacked, people will blame me, wondering how I could be so stupid to have been out alone, been out in a new place, etc. So, maybe I should end it quicker.

My only hope of living how I want is if reincarnation exists, but even if it doesn't I still prefer being dead to being alive like this.

TL;DR, All of this is to say, I can't take the limited existance of being a woman anymore and I am going to move onto the next life soon.

 

[mckf]

I don't mean to belittle your experience and feelings, but I do want to share a male perspective that life isn't exactly so much better.

I think society and this life in general makes it hard for both men and women, not just women or men. Women are physically weaker than men and suffer mentally from their fluctuating hormones. It definitely limits what they are able to do and makes them feel at risk wherever they go. I can see that is why my mother relied on my father to give her good life, unfortunately she had a difficult one.

However most of society adapts to this difference and that's why historically men were the providers of the family and women gave birth and took care of the house and family. But now, the economy is so difficult that one person's income is not enough and requires both the husband and wife to work. In Asian culture, the man is still predominantly seen as the provider and most of the pressure is on him to provide a good quality of life to the family. If he doesn't, the blame goes to the man and he is deemed a failure and he can lose his family as a result. Men can't express their emotions and feelings as they would be seen as weak and as a result, they don't have any close relationships. It is easy to say, just open up, but society doesn't allow for it. That is why men are 3 or 4 times more likely to die by suicide than women. I think the male you are referencing is a very successful male, most average men have very difficult and depressing lives as well.

 

[Arahant]

Growing up in a women dominated family, that subdued and humiliated men, reading this is a culture shock, and I truly feel for you.

I wish I could lend you my male body, and all the experiences that came with it.
Being assaulted repeatedly and no one really caring because "boys are boys".
Being shamed ruthlessly even from kindergarten age, for anything that could look dominant or affectionate.
Being treated like I am worthless and ignored unless I can do or provide something of grand value or rarity.
Being called "gay" or rejected for seeking emotional support or platonic intimacy.
Walking home at night after looking at the stars, and almost walking into a literal bloody mess from a guy who got stabbed by gangmembers, and knowing full well none of my strength could protect much against any weapon or group of attackers.

I lived happily in the delusion that women had the opposite of my issues, because women are valuable and therefore cared for.
Having that shattered by reading your account, I wonder if gender has much to do with it at all?

I think your suffering is valid, and I'm not here to say otherwise or talk you off the ledge.
I'm saying I have stood on the same ledge, for strikingly similar reasons, despite having the gender that you think would make it different.
If you are going to ctb, make sure you know exactly why.

What is it you really need?

May everyone be protected and feel safe.

 

[OutOfThisBody]

I don't mean to belittle your experience and feelings, but I do want to share a male perspective that life isn't exactly so much better.

I think society and this life in general makes it hard for both men and women, not just women or men. Women are physically weaker than men and suffer mentally from their fluctuating hormones. It definitely limits what they are able to do and makes them feel at risk wherever they go. I can see that is why my mother relied on my father to give her good life, unfortunately she had a difficult one.

However most of society adapts to this difference and that's why historically men were the providers of the family and women gave birth and took care of the house and family. But now, the economy is so difficult that one person's income is not enough and requires both the husband and wife to work. In Asian culture, the man is still predominantly seen as the provider and most of the pressure is on him to provide a good quality of life to the family. If he doesn't, the blame goes to the man and he is deemed a failure and he can lose his family as a result. Men can't express their emotions and feelings as they would be seen as weak and as a result, they don't have any close relationships. It is easy to say, just open up, but society doesn't allow for it. That is why men are 3 or 4 times more likely to die by suicide than women. I think the male you are referencing is a very successful male, most average men have very difficult and depressing lives as well.

I don't want to have to rely on somebody else and have somebody else provide for me. Also relying on someone else financially means its really easy for them to abuse you because you have no money to use to get away.

 

[Beyond_Repair]

I agree that society generally only "likes" women when they behave and perform how they want them to.

While your experience is completely valid, I have to disagree that women as a whole are less than men - less funny, less good at leading, less adventurous - these are all traits that are more individual and there are plenty of men who aren't funny, aren't good at leading and not adventurous and plenty of women who are.

There have been plenty of women scientists and inventors. Ada Lovelace for example wrote an algorithm that would be the first modern computer. She was known for being very intelligent.

It's true that insecure men and women would like to see women fail and as below men. But that's more culturally sanctioned, rather than biological determinism

 

[OutOfThisBody]

Are Men Really Funnier Than Women? | SPSP

spsp.org

Why is it difficult for MOST women to admit they are terrible leaders?

Answer (1 of 11): From my side, I would find it difficult because I actually have no way of providing a demonstration for that claim. Not only would I have to come up with a way to evaluate leadership success (difficult, but not impossible), but I would have to connect (evaluations of) leadershi...

www.quora.com

Daring Differently: Gender Differences in Risk-Taking Behavior - Neuroscience News

Research reveals women are more averse to risk than men due to heightened sensitivity to potential losses.

neurosciencenews.com

 

[Downdraft]

That is why men are 3 or 4 times more likely to die by suicide than women.

While men die more often, the actual suicidality rate isn't as unbalanced. In many cultures you mentioned, women are seen as breeding stock. Sometimes childfree women are even called parasites lol. Then you have atrocities like Islamic countries, or places where they're literal objects.

Anyway being a male is great. Every con you can think is completely artificial, biology is sexist af which is yet another reason to despise it.

 

[mckf]

Anyway being a male is great. Every con you can think is completely artificial, biology is sexist af which is yet another reason to despise it.

I think what you mentioned is quite hurtful to put down mens difficulties and struggles as "artificial" as many men are on SS for a reason.

I dont want to start an argument or continue this topic. We are all on this site due to our own struggles in life and that society does not understand us, that is why we talk to each other on this forum. From what you said, you are treating men exactly how society treats us who are suicidal. They lack understanding of our issues and problems and brush us off. I hope you understand this. I will leave it at that.

 

[Downdraft]

I think what you mentioned is quite hurtful to put down mens difficulties and struggles as "artificial" as many men are on SS for a reason.

I dont want to start an argument or continue this topic. We are all on this site due to our own struggles in life and that society does not understand us, that is why we talk to each other on this forum. From what you said, you are treating men exactly how society treats us who are suicidal. They lack understanding of our issues and problems and brush us off. I hope you understand this. I will leave it at that.

Just FYI, I'm a man and I've felt very alone at some points of my life. I know how other men have it and don't dismiss them. I just look the whole picture regardless of my experience, I truly believe I'm lucky to be a man.

 

[ForgottenAgain]

I don't want to diminish your feelings as I can see you're hurting a lot and this clearly impacts your life deeply. I don't know your circumstances and your experience of life must have formed these strong beliefs you have, which is sad and worrying.

I will say, however, from my own perspective that it is quite shocking to read what you said about women being less than men, inferior in a lot of ways. That thought alone sounds like internalised misogyny. Women can do anything they put their mind to, people can do anything they put their mind to in general. Of course, each person's upbringing, culture and health will impact on that but, generally speaking, there's nothing stopping either a man or a woman from achieving their goals in western society.

Several of the people I admire are women with a lot of success in their life and they're not celebrities or strangers, but people from my own family or relatives of past friends, colleagues, etc. I'm myself a woman, my family was very poor and it was due to my mother's relentless work that we got into a better state of living. My mother was the driving force of everything good that we got in our life. If it would have been for my father, we would still have a very hard life because he never had the courage to try harder, to think outside the box, to work harder.

Gender means very little, it's the kind of person you are and your beliefs that will dictate what you can accomplish. Of course there are situations where it may be harder for one gender to thrive, due to sexism and being in a male dominated field for example, but that's a hurdle on the way that one can surpass. I've dealt with my fair share of sexism due to being a woman in a male dominated field, it was hard but I moved forward, achieved quite a lot of success in my career.

I'm really sorry you have these beliefs and this almost hatred for the female gender, it must be really hard to deal with and I wonder what happened for you to develop these thoughts and limiting beliefs. It's really serious... For me, being a woman is so nice. I'm not the most feminine person by far but I like being what I am. I find it really heart breaking to see how upset you feel by being a woman. I don't know you but I'm sure you're a wonderful person with a lot of capabilities. Like I said, I wonder what happened, how you developed these ideas?

I hope my post doesn't come across as dismissive as I really empathise with your suffering and truly think it is serious, just wanted to give my perspective, shining some light I guess. So sorry that this is such a painful thing for you, I'd be open to chatting with you if you feel like it could be useful for you?

 

[EvisceratedJester]

Oh boy.

First off, men might actually be undiagnosed with depression. Men are less likely to seek out help for mental health issues and they are more likely to present symptoms of depression that are typically tested for when diagnosing patients with the disorder. This might be due to certain societal factors (men are expected to not express weakness and are only allowed to express their negative feelings through anger) or due to certain biological differences between men and women. Men also have a lot of mood swings. Just because their mood swings tend to ivolve them switching between one emotion to anger doesn't make them not mood swings all of a sudden. Men are human-beings, not emotionless robots.

Secondly, the patriarchal structures that we still see today didn't start until the agricultural era, at least from what I know. Matritilineal societies do exist, though they are a minority. These societies tend to also not be hierarchical as most patriarchal societies, if I remember correctly.

Globally 590 societies were known to be traditionally patrilineal, 362 were bilateral, meaning they acknowledged descent through both parents, and another 160 were recognized as matrilineal. Biologist Nicole Creanza, who worked on the research, says the team tested popular theories about matriliny like those above—but none held true in every case.

What characterizes matrilineal societies, as Stone has written, is "considerable variation" in "authority, power, and influence among both males and females." There would have been even more variation in the past. In prehistory, social norms were constantly moving. What can appear from one point of view to be an instability resolving itself—a shift from matriliny to patriliny, for instance—may from another point of view be a move from one relatively stable state to another, Creanza explains.

Also, women did hunt. The whole "men = hunters and women = gatherers" thing has been questioned for a long time and recent evidence is starting to actually show that it may have been wrong.

They are hardly alone. A recent study of ethnographic data spanning the past 100 years—much of which was ignored by Man the Hunter contributors—found that women from a wide range of cultures hunt animals for food. Abigail Anderson and Cara Wall-Scheffler, both then at Seattle Pacific University, and their colleagues reported that 79 percent of the 63 foraging societies with clear descriptions of their hunting strategies feature women hunters. The women participate in hunting regardless of their childbearing status. These findings directly challenge the Man the Hunter assumption that women's bodies and childcare responsibilities limit their efforts to gathering foods that cannot run away.

Women have their own physical advantages. For example, women tend to excel in endurance and higher levels of estrogen are associated with better fine-motor control. Hell, you can literally see elderly Mosou women carrying heavy shit around like it's nothing.

To add onto this, women and men aren't even that different in comparison to males and females of other ape species. For example, the size difference between human males and females is actually more similar to that of gibbons (males and females are around the same size) in comparison to other ape species. A meta-synyhesis looking at three decades of research on sex-linked differences in the brain found that our brains are actually monomorphic, not dimorphic. While males and females do differ in some respects (obviously), a good chunk of our differences are due to differences in how we are raised and are expected to behave by others in society.

Thirdly, women have been making contributions to science for a long time. Like, I guess Marie Curie was a man this whole time considering that "from the stone age to the 1950s, women were prevented from making scientific discoveries". Women have a long history of making contributions to a variety of different fields, one that is only made even more impressive by the social barriers they would have had to have fought in order to make them.

A lot of your post kind of reeks of bioessentialism, tbh.

(Also, Canada has had a female prime minister before. Her name was Kim Campbell and she came into power after entering the leadership race to succeed Mulroney, who was retiring. She had an approval rating of 51%, making her, at the time, the most popular prime minister in 30 years. She was only prime minister from June 1993 - November 1993, but we still had a female prime minister. She was also the first woman to serve as minister of justice.)

 

[eden101]

yeah. judging by the responses. you are right. people couldn't even be silent and listen for minute. immediately men talking about how it's just as bad or worse for them. they don't even want to listen to us. ever. i feel the same as you a lot. i feel very scared a lot. men don't have to worry whether a stranger will grab them and rape them today. do they. i don't think so. and so many other things. so much total disgust and aggression towards women. so many news i've read. so many horrible cases of pure sadism and cruelty. i feel scared of any man passing me by. i can't go outside much. what did we even do. i don't know. it's unfair. i hate existing. i thought i could take it, and make a happy life for myself somehow. but it feels pointless.

 

[NaturalSelection]

for all the reason you listed women have it easier and are valued by society just for existing. For us life is a struggle and for 30% of us life is an utter joke as YOU female only value strong goodlooking tall men. YOU have evolved to be these sexual selector with no compassion for weakness like we (men) do. Stop complaining for being part of the easy side of life. For you women life is in tutorial mode, you would become a men you would cry blood tears.

 

[OutOfThisBody]

for all the reason you listed women have it easier and are valued by society just for existing. For us life is a struggle and for 30% of us life is an utter joke as YOU female only value strong goodlooking tall men. YOU have evolved to be these sexual selector with no compassion for weakness like we (men) do. Stop complaining for being part of the easy side of life. For you women life is in tutorial mode, you would become a men you would cry blood tears.

Shut up dumbass

 

[Heartaches]

I sympathize with your pain. Society has mistreated and brutalized women for so many centuries. Unfortunately, it is something that is still ever present, and women's rights are being threatened by fascist ideals. No wonder a lot of them feel isolated and deeply hurt, which is something that should be given more attention and support.

However, at the same time, judging by what you wrote, I fear your perspective might be reduced in some regards.

I want to clarify that I'm by no means a historian or expert on the topic and I don't have sources at hand. But the idea of hunter/gatherers, if I recall correctly, is a very western one, especifically a European one. Not all societies in every part of the world followed this scheme, nor every society viewed women as unequal or inherently weaker.

Men are not inherently stronger because of their physical capabilities. Men are not inherently more funny, witty or intelligent. We can't reduce it to hormones or musculature, we have to look at the economic, social, cultural, political and historical aspects as well and how men have been given privilege over others. Men are not superior than women, that's a lie by the patriarchy.

Ignoring or reducing the fight/resistance of women over the centuries is just as harmful. If I could suggest something, I'd recommend reading feminist theory/literature, especially coming from women of color (black, indigenous, arab, asian, etc.), disabled women, queer women, women from underrepresented territories and so forth. They can give you a different perspective from their lived experiences and how they organize and support each other. There are many women around the world taking leading roles and making positive changes for their community. Most of the collectives I've worked with have been mostly comprised and led by women, with great results. Do not underestimate the power you have.

Also, OP, I'd be careful on the sources you've given. We're not really presented with all the details from the studies they used nor do we know the methodology or possible biases involved. Scientific data cannot always be judged by summaries. Independent, critical research is important.

Lastly, don't use Quora as a source, it's the equivalent of Yahoo Answers. Don't take it too seriously since it's just anecdotal evidence.

Wish you well

 

[Plentiful_Despair]

I understand what you are saying and feel sorry for you. But honestly, as a man, I think gender doesn't make that much of a difference, I never felt any of all those male qualities you listed, since I'm 10 I just feel dead and worthless. I never was strong, or a leader, I never had emotional stability, I cry almost every day. I don't see why life as a man should be inherently better, it's always your personal emotions that matter, and that can be completely negative both as man and woman. Life as man is no easy mode, in fact, I would say life in general is just shit, for every feeling creature. Suffering upon suffering, until we die.

 

[cosmic-freedom]

I am so sorry.This will be me too.I hate this female body with all my heart.I wish I was never born at all.Living in this world is bad enough as it is.

 

[gayayi4811]

I'm sorry for your pain. But if you get over it, you will acquire mental strength greater than most people. Mental strength is not limited in women compared to men.

 

[sserafim]

I understand what you are saying and feel sorry for you. But honestly, as a man, I think gender doesn't make that much of a difference, I never felt any of all those male qualities you listed, since I'm 10 I just feel dead and worthless. I never was strong, or a leader, I never had emotional stability, I cry almost every day. I don't see why life as a man should be inherently better, it's always your personal emotions that matter, and that can be completely negative both as man and woman. Life as man is no easy mode, in fact, I would say life in general is just shit, for every feeling creature. Suffering upon suffering, until we die.

What's the point of life? Life is suffering and there's really no point or reason for this suffering. It's life. Life sucks and then you die. It's all so pointless and meaningless

 

[RosebyAnyName]

I could have written this myself. In fact, when I wrote similar things to what you have written on this forum, I also got a bunch of people pouncing on me to diminish my experiences and observations. Or, people saying, "I understand that you're choosing to be hurt because of your interpretation of the actually not at all misogynistic world, BUT-" and then go on some spiel about how obscure feminist literature that nobody in greater society cares about is actually totally relevant and you just need to re-educate yourself. Believe me, I tried that, it didn't work and just made me feel worse in the long run. A lot of it is toxic positivity, and I recently learned that some facts and figures are outright falsified (especially in reference to historical examples of feminism / strong women). People refuse to look at the gruesome reality of how women were historically treated by society and how that still influences all societies today, even if it's not as glaringly obvious in certain parts of the world.

People will say "no, that's not true at all! We total love women because they're beautiful, kind, submissive, passive, they give me children, they give me free therapy, and having sex with them is great!" as if that's a compliment. Then, when women look into the actual history of women's (non-existent) rights and speak out about it, they're ignored, called insane / hysterical, or are dismissed for having "internalized misogyny" because they noticed the external truth.

I also hate being born female and perceived as female. I know I'm only valued for beauty or reproduction, and the only difference now compared to 50 years ago is that people now just barely attempt to conceal their actual beliefs about women. I've been living with my father for over twenty years, and only now has he recently told me that he thinks only men should be leaders because women aren't suited to be leaders. I assumed he would think better than that since I was his own daughter, but I had not response for him because I just didn't want to try and fight thousands of years of misogyny as one person, so I guess in a way he's right.