Venting I always fantasize about having a new body

[ikadasui]

Mine is completely fucked. Through ED and awful hygiene in my teens I'm forever going to be dealing with the repercussions of that. Life is just infinftely worse when you're stuck in a body that is disgusting and you're ashamed to be seen by anyone. It really sucks since I've long since changed my ways, but it doesn't change much I'm just forever in an awful state despite putting my best foot forward and it's not really something I can cope with

 

[waitingforrest]

Life is truly worse when you are in a body that you don't like. Appearance affects all aspects of life. People, from what I noticed, really do treat others differently based solely on looks. It sadly isn't as simple as loving and accepting yourself for me at least. I'm truly sorry, some things are just too much to bear. And some things that make us feel horrible are the very things we cannot change sometimes.

 

[Rob1984]

Life is truly worse when you are in a body that you don't like. Appearance affects all aspects of life. People, from what I noticed, really do treat others differently based solely on looks. It sadly isn't as simple as loving and accepting yourself for me at least. I'm truly sorry, some things are just too much to bear. And some things that make us feel horrible are the very things we cannot change sometimes.

A lot of people do treat others by their looks. I would be lying if I said I've never done this before in my life. But I do believe there are also a lot of people out there who don't put much (or any) emphasis on looks. You just gotta weed through all the superficial people to find the deep people :)

 

[allesistgut]

i'm very sorry. as someone who dealt with an eating disorder as well i know how tough it can be. i still struggle with some dysphoria and i think my relationship with food and my body will always be a weird one no matter what i do. it's hard to really love your body especially after we've spent time hating it/or are still feeling that way.

 

[HappyForever?]

I'm very sorry. I've been feeling the same, deeply unfulfilled with my appearance. I feel that I'm stuck in loneliness because of the way I look. It sucks because I'm given only one life yet have no chance of experiencing one of the fundamental experiences of life because of the way I look, and I'm totally unable to change it..

 

[ikadasui]

I'm very sorry. I've been feeling the same, deeply unfulfilled with my appearance. I feel that I'm stuck in loneliness because of the way I look. It sucks because I'm given only one life yet have no chance of experiencing one of the fundamental experiences of life because of the way I look, and I'm totally unable to change it..

It's unbearable. Feels like torture when I have to leave my house for work and see happy couples walking around knowing I'll never have that. There isn't anything I can do either aside from minor plastic surgery and like veneers, but no way could I ever afford that

 

[Sanva]

I feel that. I'm kind of recovered now but I still deal with effects caused by my ED and it makes my urge to ctb even worse knowing i messed up my body. I'm sorry for what you're going through.

 

[FuneralCry]

I know that it can be unbearable when you are suffering so much. It can be awful being trapped in this human body. We have to live with ourselves and our own thoughts can torture us. I'm sorry you are in this situation. I wish you the best.

 

[rationaltake]

I want to ctb as I can't stand the physical thing I inhabit. Messed up due to ED.

 

[Area Man]

I have to cover up my bald head and wear sunglasses over my eyes because people think I look creepy. I couldn't have done anything about it. It's just what the genes coded for.

 

[Seafoam]

If I had a new body I'd have one less reason to ctb.

 

[OpheliasFlowers]

My body has been nothing but misery since childhood due to illness (causing constant pain, nausea, GI problems, eye problems, dental problems, etc which have subsequently caused outward signs of disease/decay such as hair loss starting at around 18 yrs old - and for a young female, that's particularly traumatic -, red ugly sick looking eyes so no makeup allowed and had to wear glasses when I used to always wear contacts, stuff lke that) and then on top of the illnesses and the resulting ugliness from THAT, I was simply born a below-average to ugly female. I've hated this body all my life. It's caused me suffering physically and mentally, prohibited me from going after jobs, opportunities, and just trying for the life I'd dreamed of and aspired to. All while having to watch the healthy and beautiful and more "blessed" enjoy everything I couldn't and achieve their dreams while I do nothing but get sicker, uglier, and older. I wish so much I'd have ctb 30 years ago or something but I was naive or deluded or straight up stupid and kept believing I'd get better, the doctors would eventually be able to help me....I kept thinking I'd still have a chance, but all that happened was continued suffering and loss of the little abilities and freedoms I had -- ALL DUE TO THIS BODY I AM IMPRISONED IN. There was no point to this life and about 99% of my torment has been due to the shitty hand I was dealt in terms of health and this body.

 

[ncmxm]

I'm so so sorry. I can relate to how you feel, I have dermatillomania and all my body is covered with scars and spots from it. I have stretch marks caused by gaining and losing weight because of my ed. And in addition to that my face is just unattractive.

I know what it feels like to hate the body you're in and to hate yourself for doing all this to yourself. I don't have anything to say to make you feel better, just know that you're not alone.

 

[myopybyproxy]

I'm so so sorry. I can relate to how you feel, I have dermatillomania and all my body is covered with scars and spots from it. I have stretch marks caused by gaining and losing weight because of my ed. And in addition to that my face is just unattractive.

I know what it feels like to hate the body you're in and to hate yourself for doing all this to yourself. I don't have anything to say to make you feel better, just know that you're not alone.

i don't have a diagnosis but i do pick at my skin whenever i'm reminded i inhabit it, especially my face. hence i try to avoid mirrors. no matter how short i keep my nails trimmed, unless both hands are engaged - such as typing now - one or both will invariably find its way to my face and scratch away. bad habit of mine that i've mostly given up on breaking. why bother when i'll be dead soon lmao.

same with the eating disorder - the result of constantly gaining and losing and never sticking to anything or being consistent with a healthy diet and exercise is i've lost much of my strength and muscle mass, and gained flabbiness and stretch marks in places i didn't even know could get stretch marks. my fucking elbows and back have stretch marks. it's disheartening, to say the least. and not even to mention my genetic ugliness - large / crooked nose, pale complexion, short, blubber face with no jaw line to speak of, body stores all its fat in the most unflattering manner, messed up teeth from when i was an infant - the ED certainly didn't help. it's disheartening, to say the least.