Help I almost did it

[AllyStar]

The last few weeks have been harder than normal. For some reason I can't think about anything else but suicide and it almost got the best of me.

Yesterday, when I was coming back from school, I decided that i've had enough. I went to the garage and prepared myself to CTB, suddenly i heard footsteps. I was holding a noose when the door opened, I quickly threw it behind some boxes and looked back up only to see my mom standing in the doorway. She was looking at me in a weird way but she didn't see the noose.

I got lucky, the last thing I want is for my parents to know that i'm suicidal. I don't want to dissappoint them because they've been so good to me, but it's hard not to think about it. I really want to call a suicide hotline right now, but are they helpful? And is it okay to call a hotline if you're not in the middle of a crisis? I really need to get it out in the real world cause it's destroying me from the inside out.

 

[Sinbad]

You are in a crisis.. so you should seek help immediately. Call them up and talk to them.

If you have hope for the future then get help from wherever.

 

[MMNZ91]

Worth a shot

 

[J Tizzle]

You are in a crisis my friend. I've never called them myself, so I can't say if they're helpful or not. But you're in crisis and you shouldn't feel bad about seeking help.

 

[therhydler]

Yes of course you can call the hotline. Don't get discouraged it they don't help too much though, there are always others to talk to, including the people on this forum. If you have hope hold on to it!

 

[Crest33]

The last few weeks have been harder than normal. For some reason I can't think about anything else but suicide and it almost got the best of me.

Yesterday, when I was coming back from school, I decided that i've had enough. I went to the garage and prepared myself to CTB, suddenly i heard footsteps. I was holding a noose when the door opened, I quickly threw it behind some boxes and looked back up only to see my mom standing in the doorway. She was looking at me in a weird way but she didn't see the noose.

I got lucky, the last thing I want is for my parents to know that i'm suicidal. I don't want to dissappoint them because they've been so good to me, but it's hard not to think about it. I really want to call a suicide hotline right now, but are they helpful? And is it okay to call a hotline if you're not in the middle of a crisis? I really need to get it out in the real world cause it's destroying me from the inside out.

Same, i feel you. I'm stuck in the wrong world.

And my parents have also no idea. They probably start connecting dots when I'm gone.

 

[DeletedUser4739]

The last few weeks have been harder than normal. For some reason I can't think about anything else but suicide and it almost got the best of me.

Yesterday, when I was coming back from school, I decided that i've had enough. I went to the garage and prepared myself to CTB, suddenly i heard footsteps. I was holding a noose when the door opened, I quickly threw it behind some boxes and looked back up only to see my mom standing in the doorway. She was looking at me in a weird way but she didn't see the noose.

I got lucky, the last thing I want is for my parents to know that i'm suicidal. I don't want to dissappoint them because they've been so good to me, but it's hard not to think about it. I really want to call a suicide hotline right now, but are they helpful? And is it okay to call a hotline if you're not in the middle of a crisis? I really need to get it out in the real world cause it's destroying me from the inside out.

Can you find a way to tell your parents your feelings and/or what's going on that's making you feel this way? If you don't know...that's ok too.

You're in crisis right now. That phrase can seem trite.

However, there are options to manage this. Hopefully, you find what works for you.

You may find yourself surprised by how many people can understand or relate in some way to what you're experiencing. It's not a solution, but sometimes, it helps for now.

 

[DeletedUser4739]

Yes of course you can call the hotline. Don't get discouraged it they don't help too much though, there are always others to talk to, including the people on this forum. If you have hope hold on to it!

This right here...good stuff.

 

[Johnnythefox]

I agree with the others, you should get help. There is no shame in ever asking for help.

 

[TiredHorse]

That 100% counts as being in crisis.

If you are considering calling a hotline, I would argue that the answer is yes, you should.

 

[Crest33]

When do we call it a crisis, if it's a impulsive act? And what is impulsive?

 

[AllyStar]

Can you find a way to tell your parents your feelings and/or what's going on that's making you feel this way? If you don't know...that's ok too.

You're in crisis right now. That phrase can seem trite.

However, there are options to manage this. Hopefully, you find what works for you.

You may find yourself surprised by how many people can understand or relate in some way to what you're experiencing. It's not a solution, but sometimes, it helps for now.

I can try to tell my parents, but I'm scared of their reaction. I don't want them to be sad or anything so to me this site or a hotline seems like a better idea.

 

[AllyStar]

Thank you for the advice guys, i'll try to call them when i'm ready.

 

[Johnnythefox]

I can try to tell my parents, but I'm scared of their reaction. I don't want them to be sad or anything so to me this site or a hotline seems like a better idea.

I think if you have a good relationship with your parents then you should maybe approach them, I have two kids myself and would like to think they would open up to me. Some parents can be very understanding, we older people were once young ourselves..
This is only my suggestion.

 

[TiredHorse]

I can try to tell my parents, but I'm scared of their reaction. I don't want them to be sad or anything so to me this site or a hotline seems like a better idea.

They might be sad. They'll probably be scared right out of their socks. Whether to tell them or not depends entirely on your relationship with them: do you trust them to comfort you constructively, or go off the deep end, act defensively, etc.? No one here can answer that question for you.

Either way, the hotline might be a good first step. It's at least worth a try.

 

[Shewaitsforme]

For me i find my crisis point is when i cant think of anything else, can eat, sleep, do anything. I literally sit shaking, can feel my heart racing, palms going clammy, think about getting a knife right then and there. Impulsive thought are when im in crisis. I actually do call the crisis team and can go into see them because i dont want to CTB in an impulsive state.

As people have said, give help a try. You dont know untill you try, you may make it out of this :)

 

[Crest33]

For me i find my crisis point is when i cant think of anything else, can eat, sleep, do anything. I literally sit shaking, can feel my heart racing, palms going clammy, think about getting a knife right then and there. Impulsive thought are when im in crisis. I actually do call the crisis team and can go into see them because i dont want to CTB in an impulsive state.

As people have said, give help a try. You dont know untill you try, you may make it out of this :)

Very well explained. Never had something like this. But i can imagine acting like this should not be done.

 

[LostBoy]

I urge you to please call a helpline and try to talk to your parents, if you think you will upset them by telling them just imagine how upset they will be if you are gone, trust me there is a life time of upset ahead for them if you go.
My son took his life earlier this year and it has a roll of effect, I don't want to live without him, I wished he spoke to me and discussed his displeasure in life and given me a chance to talk to him, maybe it wouldn't of made any difference but I'd of atleadt been able to try.
This site is full of people that want to die and yes life isn't for everyone but please please please consider this very seriously, think long and hard and given your young age please contact a helpline if you can't talk to mum and dad.
33% percent of me died that day, I am now terrified when my daughter goes out or doesn't answer my calls or messages.
I wish I could of swapped places with him.

 

[AllyStar]

I urge you to please call a helpline and try to talk to your parents, if you think you will upset them by telling them just imagine how upset they will be if you are gone, trust me there is a life time of upset ahead for them if you go.
My son took his life earlier this year and it has a roll of effect, I don't want to live without him, I wished he spoke to me and discussed his displeasure in life and given me a chance to talk to him, maybe it wouldn't of made any difference but I'd of atleadt been able to try.
This site is full of people that want to die and yes life isn't for everyone but please please please consider this very seriously, think long and hard and given your young age please contact a helpline if you can't talk to mum and dad.
33% percent of me died that day, I am now terrified when my daughter goes out or doesn't answer my calls or messages.
I wish I could of swapped places with him.

I'm so sorry for your loss! I can't imagine how hard it is to lose a child... Thank you for the advice.

 

[dyingtodie]

I relate @AllyStar (It's crazy how intense these last few weeks have been and how my suicidality has sky rocketed) I am considering calling the Samaritans. I've heard great things from them, as well as Befrienders. I'd try the first. I've heard some mixed things about crisis centers. I've never thought that calling them could actually help me. But, I like what one poster said, about not wanting to CTB in an impulsive crisis mode...I agree, and I imagine these centers could be very helpful in that case. Though, having been hospitalized for 9 days at 16 in a psych ward I have a strong fear of someone locking me away, and drugging me. Everything I've read or heard about the Samaritans gives me peace that they would not do this unless I explicitly asked them to send someone to me. Good luck! (I'm imagining my last day is still going to be super-intense though...and surreal...as is probably appropriate. This feels to me like ending a toxic relationship that I still hold out hope for, because I love the other person dearly, but really, logically and rationally the relationship should cease.)