Venting hy new here and not really looking for a bag out

[Shy_Shay]

Hy its my first time using the thread if you know me, you might have seem me in the chat most of the time, i was not really sure what to post here for while, but just explaining my problem might or not help, and for those grammar errors i am so srry english is my second language.
Well i guess it just a normal story compare to the other i had seem here, there is plenty of people with shit version of a life but mine is pretty much the opposite i was adopt when i was 3 months old, got a free ticket off a family of 7 brothers and sister and a poor environment got a happy family of 7 people, 2- dads 1- mother 2 brothers 2 sister, had a happy childhood... nothing outlandish or traumatic, a good family bit overprotective but nothing horrible no abuse no beating nothing, you reading this could say i have no reason to be in the SS community, well you aren't wrong i have no reason to be here i have a good life full of time and people that like me, a good job, time to study grown etc.
The whole Problem begins with the part that I don't want any of this... this whole life for me is just fake, even with all the time and good things that happen to me it is just boring, yes if you wanna trade of your shit life with mine go ahead, anything is better than faking my happiness for the rest of the years i have left, at least there i can have my "bored out my mind face" and "my ugly personality" at full show...
yes i'm throwing a tantrum because i am bored and i'm probably faking my thread as well (is not fake)... time for the real thing... i am here just to distract myself from my unresolved problem the one thing that keeps me looking at your post and thinking maybe this is my only solution at the end of the line how much more i can bear to lie and keep faking most things, i just wanna be girl, ik the "name" but is not mine it is just a Dream for the future that never came to be.
Yes, i wanna be girl, why, it begin with a confession to a boy i liked (that was 13 years ago) in which he said "if i was girl he would consider" and from then it spiral down a hole of self hatred for body, gender and anything remotely associated with word Male (i still hate everything about male gender, but i don't hate other males), but now is just a wish, a dream, one that i had later, i want to be a mother and experiment those 9 months, i want to hold my child, to be there every step, not as male companion but as the mother. A simple wish and impossible to achieve with transition for those that would offer in the comments and with that i think i am done for now, there are other problems, but those two are the core of my visit to SS (also fuck tancrul this community it is a bless)
This Community it is a very good source of information and experiences that i doubt i would ever get in a public forum or chat and the people i meet here are kind, strong, brave and really need a big hug too (sometimes) and for those reading thank you for looking up this thread even if is just a 27 years old throwing a tantrum like a kid.

Also thanks for the chats: inco, hima, ama, kaze, milk, fwo, sf, tasy, desty, dark, lily and many many other that i meet already (sorry can't remember all you guys ^_^).

 

[Sulyya]

You're certainly welcome here based on that. I think several others here will identify with what you're describing, there are a few trans-related threads just recently. If you browse a bit you can possibly find some people who will understand that aspect of what you are feeling.

 

[Mimi_]

You don't need to have experienced horrible things for wanting to die. Yearn for death should be normal in a world like that. We are trapped here and forced to suffer knowing there will be no reward for us at the end of our journey.
Your pain is still valid. Living is just terrible and you seem to be suffering so much. It is hard enough to be trapped in a body you hate I wish you the best

 

[Fwompje]

Hey dear, it's nice to hear your story. Being trans sucks, if you ever want to talk about it, you know my name :)

 

[FuneralCry]

It's very much understandable just not wanting to exist here and at least to me there could never be anything appealing or desirable about existing in this world, people should be able to complain about life as much as they wish as life really is something so useless after all. But anyway best wishes.