Discussion how to start

[spooky0-0]

I've been in and out of mental health treatment since I was about three because of stuff that happened in my childhood. Im currently in IHBT (intensive home base therapy) but it ends in January. I'm not on any meds right now but I have been on a lot of different ones in the past and I have done one session of ECT ( electric convulsive therapy). I just turned 18 and I've been working on getting better but I'm scared that I'm not going to and it's always going to be like this. I don't want to feel like this forever. I'm constantly in a existential crisis. I feel like the only way I can get better is if I can forgive my past but what happened in my past is painful and most of it I can't remember. How do I start to actually get better? How do I fix myself? I feel so broken and lost. I have people around me who can support me but I feel like I shouldn't rely on them. I need to do this but it's so hard and everything is changing because I'm not a kid anymore and I can finally take care of myself. I'm so worried I'm going to fail. I just need help but I don't know what will help. I've tried and I've gotten a little better but I still feel dread, tired, hopeless, lost, and I feel like I'm not even real most of the time. I feel like maybe I should start meds but i've already tried so many different ones and the doctors aren't even sure my diagnoses are right. i don't want to feel like a test subject.

 

[Mr.Tristesse]

What about your mental health treatment do you feel is missing the mark? Can you pinpoint it?

It sounds like something isn't right or appropriate for you.

It's hard to comment on your trauma without knowing anything about it but it's understandable if you're reluctant to share details.

Well you may be a legal adult but they say adolescence really extends beyond 18 for a few more years so while it is probably dismissive to call you a "kid" you are still very much young. In any event at any age it is okay to rely on one another. We all need help sometimes and that is what being a human is all about. Doing it alone all by yourself isn't what is really natural or a sign of superiority.

At 18 you just can't say this is how it is always going to be.