How to recover from Peter Pan Syndrome?

[sserafim]

What is the issue with work though? I'm not understanding how it limits your freedom. What would you be doing otherwise right now at this moment?

Even when I was sitting on my ass all day playing video games I had more freedom to actually do what I want than now when I have a job which I don't even hate that much but it makes me physically exhausted. There's no winning. No escape except for the things viewed as unproductive.

First of all, work would drain your time and steal it away from you. You would have to go to your job rather have time to engage in your hobbies. Most jobs are 9-5, so basically 9 hours in the office. 9 hours of being a wageslave. 9 hours of doing something you hate but have to just to make money and survive. Yay. Secondly, you would have to talk to and interact with people. You would have to socialize, and wouldn't have the freedom to be free from social interaction anymore. Thirdly, you would have to work (basically do labor, be it mental, intellectual, social, interpersonal, physical, etc).

 

[DarkRange55]

First of all, work would drain your time and steal it away from you. You would have to go to your job rather have time to engage in your hobbies. Most jobs are 9-5, so basically 9 hours in the office. 9 hours of being a wageslave. 9 hours of doing something you hate but have to just to make money and survive. Yay. Secondly, you would have to talk to and interact with people. You would have to socialize, and wouldn't have the freedom to be free from social interaction anymore. Thirdly, you would have to work (basically do labor, be it mental, social, intellectual, physical).

But thats not answering my question. What would you be doing with your time otherwise?

I know most people hate their jobs, but what about the people that genuinely enjoy what they do? Like Joel Salatin? I'm sure some DJ's genuinely enjoy it, ect.

Not every job is 9-5. Some are more, some are less.

Not every job requires you to interact with people.

I know some angry users will see this post and just say, "WHAT?!?! PROFANITY!" but I'm simply saying thats not *all* jobs.

 

[sserafim]

But thats not answering my question. What would you be doing with your time otherwise?

I know most people hate their jobs, but what about the people that genuinely enjoy what they do? Like Joel Salatin? I'm sure some DJ's genuinely enjoy it, ect.

Not every job is 9-5. Some are more, some are less.

Not every job requires you to interact with people.

I know some angry users will see this post and just say, "WHAT?!?! PROFANITY!" but I'm simply saying thats not *all* jobs.

Pursuing my hobbies and interests, doing what I want. I would have free time to do what I want to do, not something that I would have to do earn a living. Work is an obligation; it's something that you're obligated to do. It's a responsibility and demand. I don't want to be obligated to do something. I don't want to *have* to do something. I see that as a restriction of my freedom. The fact of *having* to work instead of doing it out of your own volition and free will turns me off

 

[DarkRange55]

Pursuing my hobbies and interests, doing what I want. I would have free time to do what I want to do, not something that I would have to do earn a living. Work is an obligation; it's something that you're obligated to do. It's a responsibility and demand. I don't want to be obligated to do something. I don't want to *have* to do something. I see that as a restriction of my freedom. The fact of *having* to work instead of doing it out of your own volition and free will turns me off

I think bathing yourself is an obligation as is eating. You're still free to pursue your hobbies and interests. How do you plan to do big things and travel and pursue those hobbies without money?
And please, nobody in the thread just say some utopian idealism like "money shouldn't exist!" Thats not discussion here and missing the point. Since we live on an economic planet, for better or for worse, it is what it is currently. Maybe that will change in the future, who knows? I'm saying, since these are the cards we have been dealt, this is what we have to work with currently, how will you play your hand? I don't think money is the only key to freedom. But I think it's one of them.

Pursuing my hobbies and interests, doing what I want. I would have free time to do what I want to do, not something that I would have to do earn a living. Work is an obligation; it's something that you're obligated to do. It's a responsibility and demand. I don't want to be obligated to do something. I don't want to *have* to do something. I see that as a restriction of my freedom. The fact of *having* to work instead of doing it out of your own volition and free will turns me off

Modern money can be seen as standardized utility. Call them freedom units, if you prefer, forget the word money. Too many bad connotations. This is for sake of argumentation.

(An economist would say - money is a means of payment... and various measure of it are the Ms that central banks use to guide policy / markets and economy. And to go back to your quantity equation and monetary economics. No need to get too complicated. And that currency is just a convenient way of counting. For anyone like me who nitpicks lol)

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

Pursuing my hobbies and interests, doing what I want.

What exactly are these hobbies and interests of yours? Maybe you can make money out of them. Even if it's just playing video games there's always streaming and because you're a girl I imagine you could probably easily find a lot of people who'd help you set all that up although that would require socializing…

 

[sserafim]

What exactly are these hobbies and interests of yours? Maybe you can make money out of them. Even if it's just playing video games there's always streaming and because you're a girl I imagine you could probably easily find a lot of people who'd help you set all that up although that would require socializing…

Yeah but I don't want to show my face online; I value my privacy :( idk I just feel like your face is your identity and that you should keep it private and off of the internet and social media. I like singing but I don't want to show my face; maybe I can make song covers. I played Pokémon on my DS Lite, but my mom confiscated it, so now I play Pokémon Go. I don't think anyone streams these though. Maybe Genshin Impact? I find it hard to move around in the game though lol. My cousin also told me to monetize my hobbies; she said I should be a TikToker or something lol

 

[DarkRange55]

Pursuing my hobbies and interests, doing what I want. I would have free time to do what I want to do, not something that I would have to do earn a living. Work is an obligation; it's something that you're obligated to do. It's a responsibility and demand. I don't want to be obligated to do something. I don't want to *have* to do something. I see that as a restriction of my freedom. The fact of *having* to work instead of doing it out of your own volition and free will turns me off

Well, I think that's exactly why it's so important to put time and effort into figuring out what you would like to do for a living so you don't get stuck working a tedious, menial loping job.

I know that this is not exactly feasible for most people, but I think if you have the drive and the means to do so, then creating an asset that will carry you forward into the future, something that pays you instead of treading water is the ideal. I think America truly is one of the best countries for entrepreneurship. Again, I understand that that may not be feasible or even desirable for a lot of people, but the opportunity does exist. And I have met quite a few successful entrepreneurs myself.
And I think it's important for people to do choose to pursue this avenue to take a job that will sustain them while they are in the process of building and also to work for skills rather than simply working for a paycheck.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

I don't want to show my face online :( I like singing but I don't want to show my face; maybe I can make song covers. I played Pokémon on my DS, Lite but my mom took it away, so now I play Pokémon Go. I don't think anyone streams these though. Maybe Genshin Impact? I find it hard to move around in the game though lol. My cousin also told me to monetize my hobbies; she said I should be a TikToker or something lol

Pokémon Go is really popular in its own circle. Even Pokémon Sleep has streamers (yes there are literally people being paid to sleep). Influencer jobs are not for everyone but it's definitely worth investigating, which is much easier to do when you're not currently working a grueling 9-5 wageslave job. I said being a girl makes it easier to pursue this kind of endeavor but that's only for getting your foot in the door. It's important to remember that there are dangerous "opportunists" out there so be careful as you explore your options. If you aren't comfortable showing your face, you can opt to be a vtuber instead, though your audience will probably skew very young in that case.

 

[DarkRange55]

Pokémon Go is really popular in its own circle. Even Pokémon Sleep has streamers (yes there are literally people being paid to sleep). Influencer jobs are not for everyone but it's definitely worth investigating, which is much easier to do when you're not currently working a grueling 9-5 wageslave job. I said being a girl makes it easier to pursue this kind of endeavor but that's only for getting your foot in the door. It's important to remember that there are dangerous "opportunists" out there so be careful as you explore your options. If you aren't comfortable showing your face, you can opt to be a vtuber instead, though your audience will probably skew very young in that case.

Exactly, plenty of opportunity and niches! Explore!

Just be careful, as example, the average person on OnlyFans (it's not only for porn), only makes something like $145 a month. So research and experimentation is important.

Just keep in mind, you're talking to a realist. I have had many trust fund kids in my family. The grass is not always greener on the other side. And these are simply the cards that people have been dealt in life. It's an individuals choice to work or not, I'm not debating that or speaking ill of those choices. But for most people, for better or worse, it is currently a necessity in life.

 

[randy]

If you have Peter Pan Syndrome, how can you recover from it? Personally, I don't want to help myself, but I will have to eventually become a real adult if my parents stop supporting me and I don't ctb. Ugh everything is just so overwhelming

Are there any advantages to growing up/being an adult vs. not growing up?

Do those advantages outweigh what you lose when you grow up? Do you lose those advantages anyway as you get older?

I'd start thinking about that first.

 

[sserafim]

Are there any advantages to growing up/being an adult vs. not growing up?

I'd start thinking about that first.

No there aren't lol. I don't think that there are any advantages to growing up and being an adult. I would even say that there are disadvantages

 

[EvisceratedJester]

No there aren't lol. I don't think that there are any advantages to growing up and being an adult. I would even say that there are disadvantages

There are advantages to being an adult. You're less vulnerable, you are able to be more independent, you're able to take care of yourself, being able to expand on your world views, etc. There are disadvantages to being an adult, and there are just as many disadvantages to being a child. It's not good to glorify either.

 

[sserafim]

There are advantages to being an adult. You're less vulnerable, you are able to be more independent, you're able to take care of yourself, being able to expand on your world views, etc. There are disadvantages to being an adult, and there are just as many disadvantages to being a child. It's not good to glorify either.

Okay, but I don't care about being more independent or being able to take care of myself. These are things that I actively avoid, hence Peter Pan syndrome. I don't see how these are positive, beneficial or advantageous. If anyone can make a good argument as to why these are considered "advantages", I'll listen to it

 

[EvisceratedJester]

Okay but I don't care about being more independent or being able to take care of myself. These are things that I actively avoid, hence Peter Pan syndrome. I don't see how these are "positive", "beneficial" or "advantageous". If anyone can make a good argument as to why these are considered "good" or "pros" I'll listen to it

When you don't have to rely on others for things, you can avoid potentionally being taken advanatged of or harmed. That's part of why people talk about things, like exercising precaution when becoming a SAHM or SAMF, because if your partner turns out to be abusive, or if they die, or if they become disabled cannot work anymore then you are screwed. With independence comes security and self-reliance.

 

[Untimely]

No there aren't lol. I don't think that there are any advantages to growing up and being an adult. I would even say that there are disadvantages

I think you get a sense of freedom in that, when you are reliant on someone else for your basic necessities they can control your whole life. You only experience true freedom when you are self reliant, and you can make your own decisions

 

[sserafim]

First of all, work would drain your time and steal it away from you. You would have to go to your job rather have time to engage in your hobbies. Most jobs are 9-5, so basically 9 hours in the office. 9 hours of being a wageslave. 9 hours of doing something you hate but have to just to make money and survive. Yay. Secondly, you would have to talk to and interact with people. You would have to socialize, and wouldn't have the freedom to be free from social interaction anymore. Thirdly, you would have to work (basically do labor, be it mental, intellectual, social, interpersonal, physical, etc).

ETA: emotional, manual. I saw a comment on Reddit about the different types of labor that jobs involve, but I forgot exactly what it said. Most jobs are a combination of two kinds (for example, intellectual and interpersonal)

And also, a 9-5 is actually 8 hours everyday, so 40 hour work week. 8 hours in the office. 8 hours of being a wage slave. 8 hours of doing something you hate just to make money. You have to do that for 40 hours each week for the rest of your life just to survive. How is that appealing to anyone? It's certainly not appealing to me…

 

[Untimely]

Okay, but I don't care about being more independent or being able to take care of myself. These are things that I actively avoid, hence Peter Pan syndrome. I don't see how these are positive, beneficial or advantageous. If anyone can make a good argument as to why these are considered "advantages", I'll listen to it

But there's obviously a benefit to not having to worry about your basic necessities. I think that children are shielded from the harsh realities of life which makes it so appealing to be a child

 

[sserafim]

An adult who avoids the responsibilities and realities of adulthood. Usually socially immaturity, dependent, and reluctant to grow up. It's a pop psychology term that comes from the fictional character.


What freedom do you use exercise now? Do you travel a lot?

What about "identity diffusion"? That's what @Hollowman was mentioning

 

[DarkRange55]

What about "identity diffusion"? That's what @Hollowman was mentioning

What about it? Like what does it mean?

 

[sserafim]

What about it? Like what does it mean?

Ya and if you have any insight into it

 

[DarkRange55]

Ya and if you have any insight into it

As far as what it is: well its a term in psychology basically dealing with adolescent development that refers to a state in which an individual lacks a clear sense of identity and has not yet committed to specific values, beliefs, or life goals. Usually associated with confusion, uncertainty, and a lack of direction in life.

Insight?

 

[WhatPowerIs]

I dont want to grow up either. Adulthood sounds so incredibly frightening. I feel like CTB is my only option

 

[sserafim]

As far as what it is: well its a term in psychology basically dealing with adolescent development that refers to a state in which an individual lacks a clear sense of identity and has not yet committed to specific values, beliefs, or life goals. Usually associated with confusion, uncertainty, and a lack of direction in life.

Insight?

Like how to resolve it or develop a clear sense of identity

 

[DarkRange55]

Like how to resolve it or develop a clear sense of identity

I may be the arbiter of all things and master of the universe (that was a joke for anyone who took that seriously), but I question if I should pontificate on that when someone like Franz @KafkaF has a formal psychology background
I can offer my 2 cents

 

[sserafim]

I may be the arbiter of all things and master of the universe (that was a joke for anyone who took that seriously), but I question if I should pontificate on that when someone like Franz @KafkaF has a formal psychology background
I can offer my 2 cents

"Pontificate" yeah sure please do; I'd love to hear your $0.02

 

[KafkaF]

I may be the arbiter of all things and master of the universe (that was a joke for anyone who took that seriously), but I question if I should pontificate on that when someone like Franz @KafkaF has a formal psychology background
I can offer my 2 cents

Haha, it's kind of you to think of me, oh master of all things.

But to clarify, my formal background in psychology is in experimental psychology rather than clinical or developmental psychology. I did have many classes on both clinical and developmental psychology and did have exams on them, but it wasn't the thing my education was primarily focused on. More on stuff like understanding how an f-MRI works or what can be done with it or what the difference between face validity, construct validity and reliability are.

So while I know a lot more than the average person on the topic, I wouldn't really call myself an expert either. Incidentally, I also haven't really been following the conversation and took a sleeping pill which is making me a bit woozy atm.

That being said, I saw the topic of identity diffusion in one of my developmental psychology classes as part of Marcia's identity theory of how teenagers develop their identity (I think). In this theory there's four possible statuses your identity can be in based on two "spectrums" basically. One of commitment and one of exploration. These statuses are achieved identity, foreclosure, moratorium and diffusion.

I looked back into my class notes to be sure I wasn't full of shit and quoting (and translating) those notes it says: "Little room and space to explore, usually because of environmental pressure. Don't explore much and not in a goal-oriented way. Also make no commitment to a particular identity and often aren't actively seeking to. Often coupled with high anxiety, insecurity, problematic behaviour (like alcohol and drug usage), etc. Can be gotten out of through active exploration."

Unstable identity is also associated with stuff like borderline personality disorder.

 

[sserafim]

Haha, it's kind of you to think of me, oh master of all things.

But to clarify, my formal background in psychology is in experimental psychology rather than clinical or developmental psychology. I did have many classes on both clinical and developmental psychology and did have exams on them, but it wasn't the thing my education was primarily focused on. More on stuff like understanding how an f-MRI works or what can be done with it or what the difference between face validity, construct validity and reliability are.

So while I know a lot more than the average person on the topic, I wouldn't really call myself an expert either. Incidentally, I also haven't really been following the conversation and took a sleeping pill which is making me a bit woozy atm.

That being said, I saw the topic of identity diffusion in one of my developmental psychology classes as part of Marcia's identity theory of how teenagers develop their identity (I think). In this theory there's four possible statuses your identity can be in based on two "spectrums" basically. One of commitment and one of exploration. These statuses are achieved identity, foreclosure, moratorium and diffusion.

I looked back into my class notes to be sure I wasn't full of shit and quoting (and translating) those notes it says: "Little room and space to explore, usually because of environmental pressure. Don't explore much and not in a goal-oriented way. Also make no commitment to a particular identity and often aren't actively seeking to. Often coupled with high anxiety, insecurity, problematic behaviour (like alcohol and drug usage), etc. Can be gotten out of through active exploration."

How do you engage in active exploration? How do you commit to one thing? I think I shy away from commitment because I think that it would limit my options and freedom. I prefer exploration instead. I like to keep my options open. The thing is that I have trouble knowing what I want or what I like. I only know what I don't want and don't like. What about having no identity? Is that even possible?

This is me:

"I may not have been sure about what really did interest me, but I was absolutely sure about what didn't."

But there's obviously a benefit to not having to worry about your basic necessities. I think that children are shielded from the harsh realities of life which makes it so appealing to be a child

Why would you want to face the harsh realities of life?

 

[Untimely]

How do you engage in active exploration? How do you commit to one thing? I think I shy away from commitment because I think that it would limit my options and freedom. I prefer exploration instead. I like to keep my options open. What about having no identity? Is that even possible?

Why would you want to face the harsh realities of life?

No I agree with you on the last part, it's a benefit of being a child

 

[ijustwishtodie]

I dont want to grow up either. Adulthood sounds so incredibly frightening. I feel like CTB is my only option

I relate. I don't understand why anybody would want to willingly work and enjoy adulthood. I feel like CTB is my only option too because unfortunately there just isn't any way for me to circumvent adulthood and work. I saw people tell the OP to perhaps circumvent work by instead monetising the interests she has but, in my case, I got no interests at all and, even if I did, I got massive social anxiety and negative charisma so I wouldn't stand a chance anyway. Honestly, being a youtuber or something sounds far better than working but of course even this is unreliable and unlikely to work

CTB is definitely my only option and, the more I read about this, the more I'm certain about it. There isn't anything else that I can do aside from CTB or die naturally anyway from being unable to get and stay employed

 

[randy]

Okay, but I don't care about being more independent or being able to take care of myself. These are things that I actively avoid, hence Peter Pan syndrome.

Unless you are a permanent ward of the state, your care-giver won't last forever and chances are you'll outlive them.