yearned
Member
- Apr 23, 2026
- 21
so i have been researching different methods to CTB and i think i have settled on jumping from higher than 40 meters.
i still need to figure out how to access a building at this height, and i do realize that this isnt necessarily the most lethal method but it does seem like the most attainable method for me.
i thought about an exit bag for a while but i fear i would waste money and probably either fuck it up last minute or just literally change my mind due to the claustrophobic feeling of having a plastic bag over my head. i also feel like it isnt as reliable as i wish it were. i spend all of my time inside and i feel like it would be nice to go out somewhere different, i could probably die with a sense of pride rather than shame. i have also long considered self-immolation but again i am looking for something more reliable. SN seemed promising but it is not available for personal purchase where i'm from. i would also consider an opioid overdose or something, although i doubt i know any dealers who would sell me opioids. nembutal seemed interesting; i dont see how i could acquire it. i would probably need to order from an onion link market or something? i don't know how to go about that. my means are pretty restricted. **i dont necessarily mind a big amount of pain if it doesnt last for a long time, i feel it would not be too bad to immolate if i could guarantee to do it in an absolutely lethal way**
i have been reading the partial hanging mega-thread as well as the night night thread and they both seem interesting but the videos i saw kind of scared me. i guess the suffering would be minimal compared to other methods but it still seems pretty bad. i dont really have anything in my house to hang with, so i would probably need to do that outside, which seems irresponsible.
i wish there were an easy way out. my life feels like a personal hell and i know i dont deserve to live, nor am i interested in trying to live. i have failed at transitioning, i have failed at being a good friend and girlfriend, i am in a lot of debt and i am probably gonna get evicted soon. at least now i'm sober, although being sober makes it very hard to ignore how badly i want out. i spend all my time trying to find an easy way out. no one will ever believe me.
i still need to figure out how to access a building at this height, and i do realize that this isnt necessarily the most lethal method but it does seem like the most attainable method for me.
i thought about an exit bag for a while but i fear i would waste money and probably either fuck it up last minute or just literally change my mind due to the claustrophobic feeling of having a plastic bag over my head. i also feel like it isnt as reliable as i wish it were. i spend all of my time inside and i feel like it would be nice to go out somewhere different, i could probably die with a sense of pride rather than shame. i have also long considered self-immolation but again i am looking for something more reliable. SN seemed promising but it is not available for personal purchase where i'm from. i would also consider an opioid overdose or something, although i doubt i know any dealers who would sell me opioids. nembutal seemed interesting; i dont see how i could acquire it. i would probably need to order from an onion link market or something? i don't know how to go about that. my means are pretty restricted. **i dont necessarily mind a big amount of pain if it doesnt last for a long time, i feel it would not be too bad to immolate if i could guarantee to do it in an absolutely lethal way**
i have been reading the partial hanging mega-thread as well as the night night thread and they both seem interesting but the videos i saw kind of scared me. i guess the suffering would be minimal compared to other methods but it still seems pretty bad. i dont really have anything in my house to hang with, so i would probably need to do that outside, which seems irresponsible.
i wish there were an easy way out. my life feels like a personal hell and i know i dont deserve to live, nor am i interested in trying to live. i have failed at transitioning, i have failed at being a good friend and girlfriend, i am in a lot of debt and i am probably gonna get evicted soon. at least now i'm sober, although being sober makes it very hard to ignore how badly i want out. i spend all my time trying to find an easy way out. no one will ever believe me.
